I really don't understand your double standard. You seem to want to be an empowered female in your pursuit of the double D, but yet, you want to tell women they shouldn't have a career until their children are older. Do you tell your own daughter such things? Like she can pursue college, but God forbid she try a high-powered job while her child is 3? I really don't get your logic.
Really, it is just sexism plane and simple. Women are supposed to be the primary care giver to the point where we should feel guilty about having a career. It is our fault if our kids turn out badly and we happened to have a career. Never mind that data doesn't support this. Too bad that women put this kind of sexist pressure on each other.
In our family, both my husband and I share in parenting. We both work part time. My husband quit his job with long hours at the same time I went working part time. Neither of us feel that parenting should fall on one parent due to their gender. And however my kids turn out, neither of us are going to have regrets. We are doing the best we can. They have loving caregivers who take care of them. No matter how they turn out, it won't be due to lack of love, care, and a stimulating environment.
And you don't need to because that's not my goal or concern. CLEARLY you KEEP misreading my original statement in this thread about MY own observations, so why continue to banter back and forth? This thing called parenting is unique to everyone. If you're happy with your parenting, GREAT! I'm happy with mine, so let's leave it at that.
Clee, by working part-time what you and your husband have done is the seemingly rather strange thing around here called making career compromises, and I think that's key. Mine involved delaying med school, yours didn't. I'm happy with my decision and hopefully you're happy with yours, although its kinda hard to tell reading your diary. Just saying.
It may be sexist to you (and others) that I think men and women have roles in relationships and parenting and it's your perogative to feel that way. Personally, I prefer my men without mammmry glands but hey, to each, her own, LOL!!!
Not a doctor but now a mother to a beautiful 11 week old son. I'm not sure if I will go to med school in the future, I just don't know. For the time being I'm just enjoying my son and not working (but I do plan to go back to work in some shape or form at some point in the future, and maybe med school or maybe not).
I totally agree that parenting is not just about the mother (unless the mom is a single parent, but that's a whole different issue). I also totally agree that medicine (or any career) does not automatically result in messed-up kids.
I wanted to raise a few thoughts though. One is the focus on the "end-product" of parenting--that is, a healthy, happy, well-adjusted adult. All too often, I see these discussions become an argument about whether the "end-product" is better or equal if a child cared for full-time by his mom or in part by someone else. I don't know the answer for my son--I can see the argument both ways. What bothers me, though, is really the question. It seems to assume that as long as the end-product is the same, the two ways of parenting are interchangable. For me at least, they are not. I see this time of my life as absolutely MAGICAL. I love spending time with my son, and I think he loves it, too. That's not to say it's always easy (it's not), or that I sometimes would like a break (I would), but I wouldn't trade these months with him for the world. I've never had an experience like it. My career ambitions have taken a massive hit since having him. Suddenly the whole focus of my universe has shifted and I just don't want to lose this time with him. Because, I know that before I know it, he won't want me the same way he wants me now. He will grow up and this time will be lost forever. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but this really is how I feel--it feels like a brief, beautiful window of time that will one day close and our relationship will become a more regular relationship between two adults. I
might change in the future and I may decide to work full-time or go to med school(or I may not), but I couldn't concieve or working full-time right now. I feel blissfully happy when I'm with him, and not right when I'm away from him.
I guess my message to the OP is just to wait until your baby is born. You might find that everything you thought you knew about yourself changes. You might also find that your perspective on staying at home with a child changes. (For the record, I thought I would not really like staying at home with a small child, but I adore it. I'm not bored at all and I've never done something that feels as rewarding as this. I truly look forward to each day with him and for the first time in a long time, just wish the time would move more slowly because I'm enjoying it so much.)
Hope I didn't offend anyone. Just wanted to share a different perspective.
Every mother finds her own balance and way of parenting, and these are individual and personal choices, no doubt. Premed99, you are early in parenting, at 11 weeks. That was part of the "honeymoon" phase for me with my son. I was not comfortable being separated from him for more than a few minutes. As he got older, I missed other parts of my life. Being a doctor/researcher is one of them. I firmly believe that is a mother is unhappy or unfulfilled, it impacts her children. Being a stay at home parent changes in how it feels as your child gets older.
To the new people: please keep in mind that when we post on this board, it's only one sliver of what makes us who we are, and only items that we choose to share. It's easy to get a distorted view of what a mom in medicine's life is really like just by reading a message board. I encourage you to get to know moms in medicine in real life and use that to inform your decision as well.