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Marriage advice from the "pros"

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13 years 5 months ago #41884 by Lali
We've been married for eight years and work together in the same office. In many ways we're very different, but we accept that and use it to our advantage. In fact it was the difference in age, personality and ethnic background that I was attracted to and I never expected my husband to change in any way. I'm very organized so I do all the planning and handle the finances. He's very laid-back and out-going.
When I get irritated about things, I remind myself that you marry "the whole package". You don't just marry a guy for his good qualities. The guy who ignores details, misses deadlines and leaves stuff laying around is the same guy who never gets angry, let's me know every day how much he loves me, saves a rotten day and so forth.
Reminding yourself that your husband comes as a complete package helps you overlook all those little things that seem annoying at the time but aren't really that important.
So much for my wisdom about marriage....

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13 years 5 months ago #41885 by Doc201X

Originally posted by chem2md:
I reccomend Gary CHapman's ... "The Five Love LAnguages" ... it did AMAZING things for my marriage and we have never been happier!!! Good luck to you!

Yep, we read this book too!! It is a good book even after you're married!!!

There's some GREAT advice here. Keep it coming ladies!!!

My Scientist/Physician Journey
www.Doc201X.blogspot.com

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13 years 5 months ago #41886 by Cindy
I think Dr. Phil has a saying, something like do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? That message goes along way. I've been married for 12 yrs. and have found that the more I work on the issues, personality "flaws" in my own self, the happier my marriage is. We both talk about things we can do better and frequently strike compromises like I will work on this while you work on that and if the strategy doesn't work, lets go to plan B.

I try to be the first one to always apologize, and when I was younger I don't think I even knew how to say I'm sorry I screwed up! Being able to laugh at yourself helps alot, another learned behavior for me. I now wear a bracelet that says "Nothing is Worth More than this Day" and I try and live it. This is the day I have, and I try to appreciate that I have a great husband and family. It sounds corny, I know, but I think what if this was the last thing I said to my husband/kids? It helps me overlook alot of power issues and things that may seem big today, but are smaller than I think in the grand scheme of things.

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13 years 5 months ago #41887 by fearlessphoenix
Hey Path! I've been married 2.5 years now and another book I read along with 5 Love Languages that completely changed the way I looked at my honey is Kevin Leman's book on birth order - we are both first borns and pretty stubborn, bossy, etc. and it really helped to not only understand myself and recognize some changes that needed to be made but I also didn't take things so personally. He is 14 years older than I am and we are from completely different racial and socio-economic backgrounds but it helped bridge some of those gaps and I understood my step-son so much better and his role in his original family and how it's changed now that's he's been with us the last 2 years. Can't say enough good things about it :D - FearlessPhoenix

PS: Even my worst day with him is so much more amazing than my best days when I was single - I love him dearly more than I ever thought possible my most favorite part of my day is early morning when I'm getting up to head to the lab and I push snooze one more time to curl up and spoon with him - the possibility and promise of the day seems all shiney and new those last ten minutes in bed with him . . . :goodvibes:

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13 years 5 months ago #41888 by Doc201X

Originally posted by fearlessphoenix:
Hey Path! I've been married 2.5 years now and another book I read along with 5 Love Languages that completely changed the way I looked at my honey is Kevin Leman's book on birth order - we are both first borns and pretty stubborn, bossy, etc. and it really helped to not only understand myself and recognize some changes that needed to be made but I also didn't take things so personally

How ironic, I read that one too which was important because I'm an only child and he is the an identical twin (automatically "special"/spoiled) and is the youngest.

Well, I guess if research into what it takes to have a good marriage means anything, I :D should be in GREAT shape!!

My Scientist/Physician Journey
www.Doc201X.blogspot.com

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13 years 5 months ago #41889 by rhlmdmph2b
Hey, Path. I'll be married 4 years in August, so I just miss your "experienced" mark. However, I think if you've been married any more than 6 months, you can give at least some valuable advice on marriage! I would say that prayer is the key. Don't demean him or always have to be right. "Act" like you need him even if you dont!! I used to play the independent woman role, but I realized I was missing out on a lot of benefits. A lot of them financial...haha. I read the book, "help me, I"m married" by Joyce Meyer. It is an excellent book and really helps you to see yourself. ALso..power of a praying wife by stormie omartian.
rhl

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