× Family & Parenting

Breaking off the engagement

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14 years 2 weeks ago #42221 by BabyDR
gene queen, I think what you did is very brave and actually really amazing. It takes a lot to realize what is the best thing to do, and to do it, even though it is painful because obviously, you love him and have grown to care for him a great deal.

I am a hopeless romantic, and I totally believe in the whole soulmate thing, I know some people don't, its okay, but my theory is that IF it is true love, then things like distance, and who gives up the job, etc, won't matter. That things will eventually work out. Because when it comes to my current boyfriend, nothing is more important to me than being with him, and if I had to give up my dream of medicine, or my dream of writing, I would, because I am happiest when I am with him, and everything else is just icing on the cake, if you know what I mean.. :D

But then again, I really am a mushy/romantic person, and I have a very idealistic way of looking at things... ;)

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14 years 2 weeks ago #42222 by BabyDR
I wanted to add one more thing,
I think you did completely the right thing,
because if you wanted to be with him, you would.
I think it is as simple as that. We tend to go with what we want, and if you do not want a life with him enough to give up the life you have now, then there is nothing wrong with that, and I am sure you will find someone with whom it will not be so difficult.
I also tend to think that with a soulmate, life is not supposed to be stressful, to me, a soulmate is the person that makes all the bad stuff go away,
(I am being mushy again, but for ex: when something bad happens in my life, and I feel discouraged, all I have to do is go hug my bf and everything is wonderful again because I know that if I can feel so much love for him, and feel it from him in return, everything must be alright) :)

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14 years 2 weeks ago #42223 by Gene Queen
Thank you BabyDR. You're right, I do love him, but I just don't think we're right for each other.

It's a little early to tell maybe, but I feel like I did the right thing, because I feel so free. I don't miss him nearly as much as I thought I would.

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14 years 1 week ago #42224 by docAndi
You know, I have to say I agree with BabyDr on this one.

My husband and I have been married for three years and never really had what I would call the "ideal" relationship. When we were first married he worked all day and went to school at night 40 minutes away. The only time we saw each other was a goodbye kiss in the morning and a goodnight kiss at night during the week. Then when I started med school I moved to a city that was two hours away from my husbands job and school. He commuteded via Amtrak ~2hrs/day each way and once again we never saw each other during the week. Now, he has decided to go back to law school at night and is presently living in the same city is me but our schedules are totaly opposite b/c I am gone all day and he works all day then goes to school all night. However, the time that we do have together is our weekends. We both make a point to work hard during the week so that we can spend relaxing time together on the weekends. Sometimes, we just lay in bad all day Saturday just recapping the week. Those are the greatest times!!

My point being is that a relationship/marriage is what you make of it, especially if you both have high career goals. It all about give and take, working together, communicating with each other. No one said marriage is easy. Above all, your mate is your top supporter and your rock to lean on. Personally, without my husband I don't know if I even would have had the strength to pursue a medical career. So, to make my point, I think that there are soulmates in this crazy world called life but, I think that you have to work/compromise to make things work--to make sure your are both happy. Most of all, it great to have someone that is your best friend and greatest love all wrapped into one and that is what having a soulmate is all about.

So, if he is the one for you then everything will work out, but if not life will go on until you do find that perfect someone.

All the Best

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14 years 1 week ago #42226 by sisriver
Thanks for sharing about your relationship. It's so helpful to hear the different considerations, and then your conclusion, that you feel free -

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14 years 1 week ago #42227 by Gene Queen
It's now been 17 days since the break up and I still have no regrets. It's a little scary how effortless this has been. I'm seeing him this weekend to exchange stuff and I'm really nervous about this. I don't think I will ever change my mind but I have a feeling he might try to. Could be wrong.

Thank you to all who posted. I do feel like I was brave to end it b/c it's so easy to stay in a relationship and so hard to end it. I was afraid of having doubts but so far haven't had any. Christmas might be tough, but then again I'm working in the NICU over Christmas so I'll be really busy.

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