It sure sounds by these follow-up posts like there are some very important positive changes going on. That's wonderful!
There is interpretation and expectation involved here, francescamom, and part of that is allowing yourself to maintain high expectations, rather than allowing others to pull you down.
I am still separated, living 6 blocks away from husband, trying to establish health boundary so that we can have a friendship. For me, the separation/divorce was not as painful for my kids as the debilitating effects the bad relationship had on me in my ability to mother them.
So if you can make gradual healthy changes like doctormom is doing, then it becomes win-win-win especially for the childrne. I've found that many of my relationships (friendships and family), not just that with separated-husband, have unhealthy aspect - that I've needed to take ownership of my life and life-interactions rather than allowing others to define for me.
I think it's a process, and looks like all participants in this discussion are involved in own healthy progression at various stages.