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Do you wish your husband would be a SAHD?

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14 years 5 months ago #44984 by Zionna
Sisriver, I completely agree. I think our husbands, in some cases, need to keep some individuality outside of the home. My husband is all for staying home with our future children but I find myself hesitating. I'm scared he'll get sucked into the computer for good! ;)

We have no children yet, having been married a year this October. I'm 25 years old, an LPN starting RN school this summer, and am dreaming of going premed.

Anyway, I think one should be very secure in her relationship with her husband before attempting the untraditional route of a SAHD. Those that are both happy with the arrangement, I'm happy for you!

This is my first post at MomMD, thank you all for your support! :wave:

Lisa

"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah." Mitch Hedberg

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14 years 5 months ago #44985 by Drey
My husband and I are planning on doing this once we have kids and I'm out of school. I appreciate all of the input from women who have tried this.

He's a good carpenter, and he says he'll be perfectly happy at home, and plans to make furniture for fun on the side. He doesn't understand why anyone wouldn't want to be a "kept man". However, we haven't tried it yet, so saying we like it in theory is different from practice I know. Also, if he has a really good job in a couple of years that he enjoys, it would be hard to ask him to give it up.

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14 years 5 months ago #44986 by sisriver
With us, my husband didn't seem to do much when I was at home; to some degree, he did get 'sucked' into the computer. But mostly he kept on doing the mom role, so I didn't feel able to get my turn with the kids. I had to run in order to reach child first to kiss boo boo and put on bandaid. Try to avoid that happening.

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14 years 5 months ago #44987 by TexasRose
I'll be honest about my husband. I don't think either of us would be happy if he was at home. I had a hard time being a SAHM because I craved adult interaction and intellectual stimulation. I think my hubby would be just as bad!

I could see him just sitting at the computer playing games all day! :laughing:

I can't remember which member said it, but the lack of social support would be a huge factor for an extroverted man. OTOH, a guy who has some interests that are compatible with being at home, like carpentry! might be very satisfied as a SAHD. :)

"All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you."

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14 years 5 months ago #44988 by mommd2b

Originally posted by momofchris:
Mine has been doing it for 2 years and is soooo over it now. He loves the kids, but he has had enough. It is 1000x harder for a dad to stay at home for one simple reason: lack of support. There are MOTHER'S DAY OUT programs everywhere- not fathers. There are MOMS OF PRESCHOOLERS groups everywhere. The McDonald's has a changing room in the WOMENS bathroom, not in the mens'. You name it. His family members are totally unsupportive, his old friends from work can't relate, most of the moms he meets are clique-ish and don't want a guy in their group- so basically he has absolutely no one to talk to and no support other than me. He did take our older son to Kindermusik, where the teacher was at least nice to him, but he's been in hundreds of other situations where people have been irritated with him. Worse, now that he's ready to go back to work, he can't find a job. He gave up a great job to stay home with our older son when I started 3rd year. Now h e's been looking for almost a year, but no one seems to want to hire a guy who's been home changing diapers for 2 years. He's probably going to end up taking a temp or adjunct faculty job somewhere, just to get back in through the back door.
In short, he's miserable. I'm miserable. Please think hard before you ask your guy to give up his career for the kids.

It really is unfair. Being a sahm is tough, but I have so much respect for sahd's who really have it hardest of all!!! I would bet than in 15 years (as becoming a sahd is more common) that there will be dads of preschoolers groups etc but for now, your dh really has been a pioneer!

Truthfully, as a woman I don't really enjoy the clique-ishness of playgroups (so I don't go)...I'm sure that for your dh it's like stepping into a ring of aliens or something! Also, there is so little support from society for sahd's. Instead of being respected for making such a tough choice they are even ridiculed at times. It's ridiculous.

If your dh needs some support, we have a couple of really great guys at www.medicalspouse.com/forums They are also walking this path and they might be able to help him out.

kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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