× Family & Parenting

Why is it

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12 years 9 months ago #45122 by efex101
I do know many...actually most of the ones I do know have more than three kiddos...of course this is in an academic setting where they *can* choose to work PT and have residents doing a lot of the day to day work.

I think my main gripe is with the pre-meds that post here, on OPM, SDN, and naive medical students with these wacko questions about having a large family (three or more) of younger kids, a husband that works FT and is not the sole caregiver, and them wanting to become a surgeon...wth?

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12 years 9 months ago #45123 by efex101
AND they are sure they can find a PT job right after residency...

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12 years 9 months ago #45124 by Emily2651

Originally posted by Baby Einstein:
I agree, however, that many young women at the beginning of their medical training are *totally* unrealistic about their future family lives. You wouldn't believe how many of my classmates (male or female) say that their kids won't be in daycare, because they are not "having children so that someone else raises them".

I'm not a mother yet (not for lack of trying - *sigh*) but this phenomenon drives me bonkers too. I get so annoyed by those posts on mommd that say: "I've wanted to go to medical school since I was five! But my husband doesn't want strangers raising our kids! Can I stay home for 15 years during residency and then work 3 hours per week after that? Any advice would be great!" Makes me want to shout: think, woman! THINK!

Anyway, this has been an interesting discussion and I agree with many of the points that have been raised. Actually, I think we're all in pretty close agreement: women in medicine must be realistic about a) our obligations (professional and personal), b) our standards for fulfilling our obligations, and c) the resources at our disposal for covering those obligations. Obviously, we can reduce the weight of our obligations (fewer children, part-time work), "lower" our standards (accept passing grades instead of honors, high quality non-parental childcare, and a messy house as necessary concessions to "having it all"), and recruit additional resources when we need help (stay-at-home partners [or even partners who genuinely pull their own weight!], family help, household employees). This is only logical! Choosing to have fewer children is one way to improve the balance, but there are other strategies too, which Path alluded to.

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea. -- Isak Dinesen

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12 years 9 months ago #45125 by TLC
Not to mention it seems most women who want to be doctors assume that they can go PT at anytime they decide to have kids! They are completely obivious to the fact that a PT physician salary is not going to pay the 200+K in student loans and their mortgage at the same time.

I'm a premed myself - but I took off the rose-colored glasses a long time ago. Our first kiddo was a wonderful surprise - but we planned our 2nd soon after because I could not see having another while in med school, residency or practice. Now seemed like the only time when I would have flexibility. But two is it! I'm not superwoman and I realize that 4 or 5 kids is not going to mess well with this career. I knew that before I had kids that 2 would be it.

I work with a girl who wants to get married and have many kids , but also wants to go into OB/GYN - and doesn't want her kids with the nanny - plans to go PT - and she is going to borrow her way through school - she is going to be in for a big suprise one of these days.

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12 years 9 months ago #45126 by efex101
I agree, and ob/gyn to boot is one of the more "intense" specialties out there....specially during residency.

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12 years 9 months ago #45127 by rll12783
After reading most of the posts on this topic I have a couple comments. It seems that most people think you have to simultaneously pursue the demanding career AND be the perfect mom/ spouse...I think the issue isn't so black and white. I think more and more women ARE working part-time while their children are young so they can be a good mom, and THEN grabbing on to that career ladder. I think that hospitals and practices who want women physicians need to think about offering more part-time positions, because, let's face it, the medical training and the job world were created for men...hence the lack of support for pregnant women or moms by medical schools, residencies, workplaces. I don't tihnk there is anything wrong with asking the world or the workplace to accomodate women who want to do well by their children...and that means as many children as they want.

Furthermore, when some people talk about careers they seem to consider it a constant race to the top...how many of us actually want to be the leader of a group or have administrative duties...is it lazy to be happy at the bottom of the ladder??

And about the fuss about having "enough money" to raise X number of children...I think people in this country devalue large families b/c they think every child needs so much more than is actually necessary....I don't have children yet, but my reasons for wanting 4 aren't so that I get to hold more babies...it's because I think being a part of a "large" family builds character in cihldren and provides them with a more rewarding childhood.
Ok, that's all I have to say :wave:

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