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This just brought tears to my eyes reading it. Please do not do this to yourself. I did it for so many years and suffered greatly in the process. It is SO hard when between the bad times there are really good times. When you are convinced that this person is your mate for life and because of that you become so willing to bend over backwards. I stuck with it for so long because we had four years of a *fantastic* relationship before it all started. And because he felt so badly about himself, he shredded my self-esteem and made me believe that I was too stupid to go to med school.
I spent this weekend, as usual, with my fiance (we live in different cities right now). Friday night we got in a big fight about drinking. He was having a beer, and I simply asked him how many he'd had tonight. He got so angry at me! He said I nag too much about it and there's nothing wrong with having a couple of beer on a Friday night. He wasn't drunk or anything. He said he was just "fed up" with hearing about it. It ended with me going to bed in tears, and him sleeping on the couch. In the morning we just ignored it and got on with things.
Of course you can. There are lots of serious "single" events or issues that can rightfully end even the most sacred of friendships and marriages. Drug abuse is right up there at the top of the list.
This is a serious thing, I agree. But I can't just leave the relationship over this one thing.
Unfortunately this matters little when the flip side is something so serious. He could be a saint monday - thursday, but what he does with his friday thru sunday is just as important (and maybe even moreso). You cannot excuse "bad behavior" because "he's smart, resourceful, good at his job, or a wonderful father." Nor should you force yourself to tolerate intolerable behavior "because you love him." Unfortunately, this fact matters the least.
Everything else is good. He is smart, resourceful, good at his job, a wonderful father (has a daughter from a previous relationship), and hey, I love him!
When it comes to addictive substances, fearing the worst is indeed realistic. Many time people don't realize their problem until things get bad. When their lover leaves them...when they get a DUI...when they kill someone. And even then, that may not deter some.
I fear the worst with his drinking, but are my fears realistic?
I think most of us are guilty of this. But life has a way of teaching us to stop. And you can learn this lesson by listening to the whispers in your heart....or you can wait until Life knocks you over the head with a hammer.
I've been accused of trying to change people (namely, past boyfriends) before, maybe I'm just trying to make him perfect?