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teenagers

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14 years 4 months ago #48256 by annevdv
Speaking as someone who first got into rap at the age of 13 (and still listens to it), I think it's completely reasonable for you to ask your daughter not to play it loudly in the house, especially given the fact that you have a young child. My parents hated rap, and the arrangement we worked out was that I was free to listen to whatever I wanted to listen to, as long as they never heard it. Although they certainly objected to the content of the lyrics, I think in the end it worked out well that they didn't censor what I listened to, as it allowed me to gradually move away from the raunchier stuff on my own terms, instead of it turning into a battle with my parents (in which case I certainly would have been more stubborn about continuing to listen to it).
I know it's hard to believe, but it's entirely possible that she does just really enjoy the beat of the music. You might try introducing her to reggae, or even some of the more socially conscious rappers (The Roots, Common, Dead Prez, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, and, going back a few years, Tribe Called Quest and KRS-One). There's so much more to hip-hop than what's played on the radio, and unfortunately, it's the worst examples of the genre that are the most popular.

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14 years 4 months ago #48257 by Drey
My little brother was caught when he was 16 (by me) with porn on the family computer. Again, it was "just" naked women, and not like one of the above posters said, not children or really perverse stuff. My parents took away internet privileges as well except for research projects with supervision.

While I think that looking at porn is not the ideal choice of activities, I also realize that most of my male friends had their first introductions to porn in high school, and still turned out to be decent men. I'd say you are perfectly within your rights to restrict it and impose a punishment, but don't stay up nights worrying that your son is a pervert or anything like that.

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14 years 4 months ago #48258 by Diamondice79
Hi all,

I do not have a teenage child, but I used to be one not long ago.

I would agree with the other posters. It is normal for teenagers to be curious about porn, and as long as it is not an addiction, or something they try to put into action then it’s not very different than most youngsters.

I also would bet that if you told him, since he is interested in seeing these types of images than you all will have to talk about them. He won’t want to look at them anymore.

And Chan you mentioned about your daughter listening to Rap.

I am the same way, I love the beats and the music but the words are outrages. I have grown from that, but I can’t help but bob my head when I turn on the radio.

But I think what the OP mentioned about introducing her to other hip-hop artist, would allow her to enjoy some of the nice beats with out the degrading lyrics.

Also she may be a little old for this, but the "Kid Bop" Cds and the "Now That’s Music" cds have some popular songs, but without the bad lyrics on their cds. Maybe not much rap though.

Last thing, I think the most important thing is your reinforcement to her that, she is a Lady and must respect herself as well as demand respect from others.

And these rappers are just out to make a dollar not lay the groundwork for how women should conduct themselves.

I honestly don’t think it stops at rap music. TV, Commercials, movies, magazines, all provide some jaded image that young and old women feel they need to play into.

Ok. Sorry... I’m finished :blush:

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." <br />—Janis Joplin

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14 years 4 months ago #48259 by Flexdox
Last night I was at a church meeting and a man gave his testimony about how porn and having sexual addictions changed his life..and not for the better. He had unhealthy expectations of his wife..and before then, any girl that came into his view...and how his masculinity (?) was damaged by the constant comparison to those men involved in the video's, internet, etc. It was great victory that he hasn't indulged in such activity in 14 months and 5 days as he said. It almost destroyed his marriage...estranged him from friends..a true addiction. How courageous for him to tell his story...
Having a teen boy, we talk about sex, abstinence, porn, it all..I want him to have the information...he knows that many girls use sex as a weapon, a tool, and will use his raging hormones against him. We chatted about porn just last night, again...he didn't understand that many of those "women" were not doing it compliantly, but because they were slaves to drugs, men, money, etc.
Every family has to educate in their own way..but at our house, he knows our stance and that we want his heart in a pure, decent place before going down the sexual road...
I believe the curiosity is natural..but to what extent does it become unhealthy..and that is for each parent to decide. Enough said...it was interesting hearing a man confess this issue.

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14 years 4 months ago #48260 by BabyDR

Originally posted by Flexdox:

Having a teen boy, we talk about sex, abstinence, porn, it all..I want him to have the information...he knows that many girls use sex as a weapon, a tool, and will use his raging hormones against him. We chatted about porn just last night, again...he didn't understand that many of those "women" were not doing it compliantly, but because they were slaves to drugs, men, money, etc.

Hi, I was just wondering, do you really feel that teenage girls use sex as a tool? What do they use it as a tool for? What are they trying to accomplish? I was just thinking, because I've just turned 19, and I have yet to meet a teenage girl that has used a guy for sex, or used sex to get something from the guy, (instead of a guy using girls solely for sex)...
Simply out of curiousity, what exactly did you mean?

:)

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14 years 4 months ago #48261 by mommydionne
I think finding pix of the naked ladies ;) on someones phone or internet is todays version of the playboy under the bed when I was in school (just dated myself ;) )

All teens, male and female, are curious, and we can't keep them innocent forever, mine are still little but I have a plethora of teenage girls in my practice and the babysitters all like to confide in me, go figure!!

One of my dear friends who has 3 and her youngest is 15 now says just keep talking. and be very frank about stuff, no one ever got pregnant (or worse!) on information.

Freaking out is definately not the way to go, most kids will understand even if you say "I'm too upset/tired etc to deal with this now we will talk later" course this does give them time to comeup with a defense worthy of the supreme court but it also gives you time to reherse your words too.

I may be eating my words in a few years but hopefully the lines of communication will hold out.

(seriously though Adam and Eve with the dinosaurs? :rotfl: )

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