× Family & Parenting

Nontrad-age, single, anxious

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13 years 9 months ago #51213 by fascinoma
Anyone in this situation?

I am 32 - a "non-traditional-age" student. I am a pre-med student and I do not expect to make it to med school until 36 or so - that's even an optimistic estimate, because I really screwed up in college in my early 20s.

The deal is, I'm single, facing a really serious nesting urge, and I find myself having a lot of anxieties related to this... should I bother with relationships, when I may have to move out of state in four years? Where am I going to fit in marriage/children? Do I want to start a family, while under the huge amounts of student debt I expect to incur?

By the time I'm done with med school and residency, and paid off my loans, I'll be too old to have kids.

That said, I am kind of bitter about men - (I'm soon to be a divorcee) my impression has been that most men almost never change residence for the woman's career/school, or even pull their load around the house/in the relationship. At least this is what broke up my previous marriage. If anyone has any better experience, please let me know. I need to feel more hopeful.

I also find myself feeling negative about why anyone would want to be with a 32 year old who's in my position.

Thanks for any feedback you have.

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13 years 9 months ago #51214 by SteplifeMom
I guess I'd start by knowing for sure what I mean by "really serious nesting urge". Meaning the longing for a husband, companion? Kids? What does nesting mean to you? And you say you'd be too old to have kids once your education is complete? So is that ok with you? Is that a choice you think you have to make, or is that a choice you want to make? Are you content with the answer?

As for if you should bother with relationships, just don't let fear drive your decision. Dating isn't marrying.

Debt? Oh, yes there can be lots of debt, but do yourself the biggest favor possible --- research available scholarships, government grants, work in underserved areas in exchange for loan repayments or tuition reimbursement, etc.

As for, "I also find myself feeling negative about why anyone would want to be with a 32 year old who's in my position" ..... please don't think that way. Your position is that of an intelligent woman seeking an education and career. :goodvibes:

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13 years 9 months ago #51215 by maggie52
My husband (then boyfriend) willingly came to a faraway rural state 2000 miles from his military base....it is possible!

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