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Balance: is it possible to achieve?

7 years 11 months ago #82279 by traumamama
I understand where you are coming from. I sometimes feel like I have three jobs: wife, doctor and mother. The problem is that I feel like when I focus too much on one job the others suffer. It has helped me to accept that I am not going to be perfect. I not going to be able to be a full time, stay at home mother, I am not going to be able to always be an attentive wife and I am not going to be super competative in my career. What helps me is to be 100% present and give and 100% of myself to whatever I am doing at the time. When I am at work I focus 100% on being the best doctor I can be and when I am at home I don't stress about work and I consume myself in my children and when I am with my husband I try not to talk about work or the kids (which by the way is impossible). But don't put too many expectations on yourself, just get through one day at a time. Right now your kids are little and require a lot of time. While the guilt will never go away and it is true that as your kids get older their demands get more complex(field trips and doing your daughter's hair for school pictures etc.)it will get easier to go on dates with your husband as your kids get older. Me and my husband do not have any family where we live so it is nearly impossible for us to have any alone time much less a weekend away. We are finally going on a cruise this year alone and our kids are 10 and 8. Hang in there, you sound like a great mother and you probably give your child more love and attention then many other mothers in the world who have more time to give. It is not about the quantity it is about the quality of the time you spend with your family. I have to tell myself this everyday. I think as doctors, our training has made us inherently hard on ourselves. I sometimes have to take a step back and really evaluate my situation. I have to look at my children and remind myself that THEY are fine, it's me that has the problem. They are happy, healthy, thriving and in no way neglected. It is ME that is suffering.

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