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Sleep and the non-medical spouse

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7 years 11 months ago #83040 by Emily2651
My husband is a huge baby about sleep and it's driving me crazy. Since our second son was born, I have done literally all of the night duty. I'm breastfeeding, and haven't yet bothered to pump, so this is mostly my own fault. But despite this asymmetrical arrangement, he still complains about how tired he is!

This morning, the little dude was up at 6. Fed, happy, wanting to get up and play. You would think this would be a great opportunity for my husband to rise to the occasion. A little quality dad-baby time and a little more sleep for me. Nope. Not only did he refuse to get out of bed, he had the sheer nerve to say ... wait for it ... "I have to work today!" I wanted to clock him.

I like seven uninterrupted hours of sleep as much as the next person, but I think medical training has forced me to realize that the world doesn't stop turning just because you feel tired. It's uncomfortable to be tired. Unpleasant. But it's also: whatever. Get over it.

I have no point. I'm just ... annoyed.

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea. -- Isak Dinesen

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7 years 11 months ago #83043 by lyn2006
I only have an n of 1 but I think you can "non-medical" right out of that sentence... While my husband is helpful and I am lucky in many ways, he is just bad (bad, bad, BAD!) at being woken up. When our son was sick the other week my husband was so whiny about being constantly woken up- I admitted it was no fun but said that probably something was wrong and he needed to go to the pedi. Over the past couple years I've wondered if being a mom just possesses you with these hormones or something that makes you feel bad for a crying/hungry baby and you don't feel as tired or at least don't whine as much about it?

Anyways, you would think that medical training might be part of it, but my husband complains about sleep a lot more if our son keeps him up that if he's up all night on call. I don't really get it. As for me, I think I feel similar after either sleep-deprived night.

Good luck, and start pumping ;)

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7 years 11 months ago #83050 by Baby Einstein
n = 2. You should rephrase this "sleep and the non-female spouse"

My favorite is when you wake up every 2 hours all night to the sound of a crying, hungry baby on the monitor, but somehow Daddy doesn't hear a thing and asks you in the morning "did he/she sleep through the night?" No buddy, you're the only one who did! How does one sleep through Q2h screaming from the monitor that is 2 feet from their ears?

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7 years 11 months ago #83051 by tr_
I'm in. My DH is great in a lot of ways but night duty is, well, not his forte. I don't think it's a non-medical thing, I think it's just a non-mom thing.

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7 years 11 months ago #83052 by MoreThanMD
I think I was really lucky because my husband was willing to wake up! I was not working when our kids were born, so it is true that he would sleep through crying, etc in the night. But when I went back to work (and he was the stay at home Dad for a year) the funny thing was that I would be the one who slept through the night and he would get up for every sound.

I think when you know that someone else will get up and take care of the child your subconscious relaxes and allows you to sleep more deeply. It's kind of like being on call...you never go too deep into sleep because you just know your sleep will be interrupted!

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7 years 11 months ago #83055 by Docmomof4
I'm in as well, especially in terms of his sleeping through the crying baby!! Dh is great in a lot of ways, night duty is not one of them. Once I started back to work though, he did pitch in more. Now, once I get up to feed her, he gets up to binkie her if she cries. Or, if it is too soon and I don't want her to see me and want to nurse I tell him he needs to go, and he does, without complaint. But it kills me when I get up due to crying, get her into bed with us, nurse her, return her to crib, and he snores through the entire thing, only to complain in the morning that he is tired from the baby waking him up!!

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