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Sleep and the non-medical spouse

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7 years 11 months ago #83075 by FPDOmama
My husband is non-medical, and in general will sleep through the baby waking up; however, a nice jab in the side with a "will you go get the baby" tends to get the job done. Then I can at least pretend that my sleep wasn't interrupted to nurse, since I never really left my bed. A second jab with "will you change the diaper" also works, though his diaper changing skills while half asleep are less than perfect, and I often get the baby out of his bed in the AM to find the cloth diaper poking out of the diaper cover, rendering it less than effective. Be that as it may, I will duly appreciate the effort, since I didn't have to do it! Granted, some of my fabulous husband's efforts may be guilt-induced, as he is about to leave for a year-long deployment, leaving all the night duty to me.

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7 years 11 months ago #83076 by SW to MD
+ ... wait, what number are we at now?

I should give DH credit- 3 of 4 times he has stepped up. Peanut's medical problems have left both of us rather sleep deprived as a rule.

My issue centers around the number of hours of sleep required. Seriously, who as an adult gets to sleep 9 or 10 hours? I will still be up cleaning the kitchen (or unpacking boxes since we decided to move last week- ha, fun times), read a few chapters, and head to bed.

We get up at the same time, yet I get 3-4 fewer hours of sleep every night.

I do remember him sleeping/snoring right through our oldest's many, many, many months of nighttime awakenings. And he constantly insisted to family/friends that DS slept through the night. Until the day his sister came to visit, took one look at me (DS was ~5 months), said "give me the baby- you go sleep. NOW."

On my way up to a few hours of blissful sleep, I heard him get quite the tongue lashing in Spanish.

When our girls came along, he was much better- he got up, changed them, and brought them to me. I would nurse them, and lay them back down. It worked quite well, although we both slept less.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy - MLKJ

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7 years 11 months ago #83087 by tr_
I think AmmaMD nailed it when she said it's the lack of appreciation that grates more than the sleep inequality.

I actually do not find night duty with an infant to be very onerous - baby sleeps next to me and can feed easily without either of us waking out of a light doze. (Changing is hairier, my older daughter never pooped at night even as a newborn so I didn't change her at night. Current baby does poop at night but as long as I change right before bed and right away in the morning it's really just once in the middle of the night right now.)

I'd a thousand times rather do night duty with a newborn than any in-house call, for sure.

So I have always done 99% of the night duty around here (exceptions being if DH is still awake - he stays up much later than I do - he will change a diaper, or if there is super loud crying that wakes him - see below).

But it's my 2 y/o (who used to STTN but has regressed since the baby came)who is draining me right now actually. She is totally used to me being the go-to person at night, and when I've asked her to go ask DH instead she says, "Daddy's sleeping!" Insert bitter laugh here.

Unfortunately DH also got really used to my handling all the night issues and to this day doesn't really appreciate that being a parent means waking up at night sometimes. He will wake up for very loud crying, but when he does I wish he hadn't because he is invariably super cranky and blames me for the disruption to his sleep. As in, "What are you doing to her?!" rather than "Thanks for the 10x this week that you got her a drink, took her to pee, and soothed her back to sleep without ever waking me."

It also drives me crazy when he complains about not getting enough sleep because we wake him up too early (7:30-8 am). When the reason he didn't get enough sleep is because he stays up really late to get personal time after the kids and I go to bed. Which he then wants to make up for by sleeping in or napping in the afternoon (when I often could really use his help). Hey, I'd like some personal time too, thanks buddy.

Whew. That was quite a vent. Honestly two kids has been a rough transition for us despite the easy baby. I'm hoping things get better soon.

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7 years 11 months ago #83091 by SW to MD
tr I remember going from 1-->2. The first few weeks/two months were awful. I had no idea how to balance.

At about six months, I think we finally had a routine. It does get better- it was just really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I had to divide my attention, and that sometimes meant my oldest would have to wait for things, when they didn't before.

And lol at the "Dad is sleeping". Yesterday I got hit with a crying baby and all three older children saying "mama, mama, mama!". DH was literally ten feet away, but they were all in front of me!

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy - MLKJ

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7 years 11 months ago #83092 by Emily2651
Armed with this thread, I had the following conversation with my husband at 7:30 this morning. Mind you, I had already been up two hours at this point; he was still in bed.

Me: I'm mad at you.
Him: I know.
Me: You're taking advantage of me and it stinks.
Him: I know.
Me: Repeat after me: No, sweetheart. You stay put and rest. I've got this one.

<mumbling into pillow>

Me: I want you to say that to me tomorrow morning.
Him: OK. I promise.

PROGRESS! Thanks, girls.

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea. -- Isak Dinesen

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7 years 11 months ago #83093 by SW to MD
I often wonder how many of our spouses fear us being on this website...

Glad progress is being made Emily- wishing you a few extra hours of sleep tomorrow!

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy - MLKJ

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