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Sleep and the non-medical spouse

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7 years 11 months ago #83057 by Emily2651
So my husband brings his own special flavor of annoying to the mix. He claims that every time the baby cries, it wakes him up. He further claims that this disruption is exactly as depleting as actually getting out of bed, nursing the baby, changing the baby, and soothing the baby back to sleep. He even goes so far as to call it "getting up" with the baby.

I want to clock the guy, I tell ya what.

PS. Fascinating that all these doctor-husbands are the same way ... I had no idea!

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea. -- Isak Dinesen
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7 years 11 months ago #83058 by sahmd
Emily2651, you may tell him that we all agree that he is annoying. :)

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7 years 11 months ago #83060 by ohiomommd
yah. my little boy is waking right now, so quick response:

awesome fantastic doctor DH. does NOT hear children in the middle of the night. We have 4 kids. Baby sleeps IN our room.
if he's up, he will go in /calm / change a diaper... but he just does not hear them. I love him dearly. but he does not understand that I've been on call for 3 1/2 months straight :-)

conclusion: it's genetic. on the Y.

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7 years 11 months ago #83066 by asunshine

MoreThanMD wrote: I think when you know that someone else will get up and take care of the child your subconscious relaxes and allows you to sleep more deeply. It's kind of like being on call...you never go too deep into sleep because you just know your sleep will be interrupted!


I'm with More here. Maybe an experimental game of chicken is in order? I mean, he's being "woken up" anyway, and that's "just as bad" as actually getting up, so, you know, he might as well...

(FWIW, I did not insist on help with baby #2 and paid dearly for it in terms of my own sanity. My husband would certainly have helped had I, well, insisted on it. I just didn't because I wanted to prove I was a "real mom" and could handle it. Shame, shame on me. Lesson learned.)

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7 years 11 months ago #83067 by Baby Einstein
Yeah mine also claimed that he heard the baby and was tired from "getting up". How can you hear the baby if you snore louder than the baby's cry? Really!

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7 years 11 months ago #83073 by AmmaMD

MoreThanMD wrote: I think when you know that someone else will get up and take care of the child your subconscious relaxes and allows you to sleep more deeply. It's kind of like being on call...you never go too deep into sleep because you just know your sleep will be interrupted!


My experience fits with this, as well. My non-medical spouse is actually surprisingly good at getting up with kids - and has been even better since dealing with a still night-nursing youngster when I was on q4 overnight call months. I think some of it is habit / self-training.

Emily, the whining rather than ongoing expressions of appreciation for all of your hard work getting up seems to be the biggest failing, here! Given how much easier it was for me to get up and nurse than deal with me pumping another time and him getting a bottle etc, that never seemed worth it to me. But, I *did* want recognition of what I was doing, and perhaps some 'credit' to cash in for a lazy afternoon here or there!!

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