Agree with above. One of my friends lost her full-term baby a few years back. She's also very far away. I sent her a few short heartfelt notes. Also, if I remember, I always reach out to her around the anniversary and she always says she's very touched that I remember her princess. Not sure the yearly thing would be warranted in this case, but I think, if you can remember, sending a note around the time the baby was due to be born would be good, as she's bound to miss her baby that much more then.
I listened to a radio show online about how to help women thru things like this (I plan on going into Ob-Gyn, so it isn't as strange as it sounds). It is a really good listen, if you can find the time.
A friend of mine lost her son the same day mine was born. Her son was born premature at 19 weeks. She started receiving hospital bills for the stillbirth last week and is publicly ranting on Facebook about the greedy/insensitive doctors and hospital making her pay the difference that her insurance didn't cover (I think it comes out to about $5000).
Does anyone care to share an opinion on that situation? I don't know what to say to her about that. I feel bad that she has a bill and no baby, but she knew her insurance covered only so much as well. Is there a better way for a medical facility to handle billing someone who experienced a loss? I don't believe they should write it off, but is there a better way?
"Some of it's magic and some of it's tragic but I had a good life all the way."<br />- He Went to Paris by Jimmy Buffett
My best friend lost her baby at 39 weeks. Placental Abruption... she went to the hospital thinking she was going to deliver normally, only to find that that her daughter had no heartbeat and probably hadn't for at least a day or two.
Gut wrenching. There aren't words for a loss like this, and as moms, we can all feel that ache down deep in our hearts.
Just reaching out means something. Just saying that you're sorry, and that you're here if she needs anything means so much.
Per my friend (I just asked her, because we work together)--what your friend does NOT need are the well-wishers who try, in all kindness, to make her feel better but will only make it worse by saying cliches like "God must've needed another Angel..." or "She's in a better place..."
I know we mean well when we say things like that to comfort, but it doesn't give any peace to a mommy whose arms are empty when they should be rocking a newborn... So just be real, be a listener, and be... present. Let her talk about her baby if she wants to (or not.) There's nothing wrong with telling her that you have no idea what she needs...but that you just want to be there for her. She'll tell you if she's ready, and even if she's not, she will still appreciate your kindness.
Bless you for wanting to reach out... my thoughts are with your friend. It's just so hard, and there are no easy answers. Left foot, right foot, breathe in, breathe out...
Thank you all so much for your ideas! I am going to try to reach out to my friend periodically to just offer love and support, and do my best to make sure she doesn't feel pressured to respond if she's not ready. I know she and her husband named the baby and had a burial over the weekend - it is so heart wrenching to think about. I hope she pulls through this (she will never get over it), and I wish that no woman ever had to suffer such pain.
As far as this friend who is ranting about the medical bill, I personally don't believe she should get any different financial treatment because she had a bad outcome. But of course I would keep that to myself and give her as much support as I can.