The thought of starting internship terrified me to the point that I did the unthinkable...I took a year off between 4th yr and internship (gasp...) Most med students consider this to be outrageous but for me it allowed me to put my priorities in perspective. I was pregnant at the time and didn't know how I'd balance my life. When internship came around, I was even more terrified! Now I had a 10 month old who'd never spent an hour away from me that would have to deal with the whole 80 hr work week! Honestly, I enjoyed work but I was more annoyed/jealous of the caregivers that got to spend more time with my baby.
To deal with these feelings, I talked to other mom/residents and asked how they balanced life and the theme was universal, "leave the white coat at the door, mommy just walked in". Maximize your home time, cherish the night time ritual before baby goes to bed because ultimately that's what he/she counts on for security. regarding all the caregivers I envied, I grew to appreciate them immensely because they provided stability and love which made him a happy, well adjusted toddler.
There will be times when you're tired etc. Just remember that you're human and there's a limit even to your supermom powers. Absolutely, this is a huge sacrifice. If after a year you still detest it, there's no contract violation. You can consider changing to other 2 year residencies like occupational health, public health, or even medical consulting for instance. Completing a residency does set you up for good job security (particularly in this economic climate). There are part time jobs out there. as an attending YOU decide on your job.
Once I accepted that it's ok to rely on others to help take care of baby (a tough pill to swallow after being a SAHM), and I placed tremendous value on my home time, I became happy again.
It's ok to worry, you wouldn't be a great mom if you didn't. But it does get better.
I would NOT leave after intern year. I went through medical school with 2 small children and by the time I hit 4th year I was really sick of the whole thing. I think we all feel that way and it's worse when you are the mom.
LET ME TELL YOU. The intern year is the hardest and has the highest learning curve. I think all of us sat in the bathroom that first night on call crying having a panic attack wondering: "What the hell did I get myself into?" This, too will pass. If you do primary care, 3 years flies by and your baby will never remember all the hours you put in.
I tell you it is REALLY REALLY nice when you get handed that first paycheck as an attending that's anywhere from 4K - 8K (depending on the job) and you realize.....
I can always provide for my family
I will always have a great income
I don't have to worry about money
I have disposible income
I don't have to pinch pennies anymore
I can take that trip I always wanted to
I don't have to worry about not having a job.
I will never be homeless again.
I will always make more than my ex-husband
I am in a rewarding career that will always be needed.
ETC, ETC, ETC.
Finish for yourself, finish for your children. You can always do locums and work part time once you are done. I think you will deeply regret it in the end if you don't.
LECOM Class 2006
Osteopathic Family Practice Resdincy 2009
Locum Tenens: Urgent Care/Rural Medicine.
Oh goodness, I so appreciate this last reply and all the other replies! I truly do!
Unfortunately, though, I am currently right smack in the middle of writing an email to my program director asking to withdraw from the program.
I so badly wish medicine was for me, but I simply don't think is it. The debt is overwhelming, ugh, thank God Hubby is going into a (hopefully) lucrative field, and we will be living with my parent's so rent will only be a couple 100 a month. I just don't want to be unhappy anymore and working towards something I'm not even sure I want, when I have an incredible baby at home that I am more than sure I want to be with...
Send positive thoughts my way, I'm terrified of his response.