Yes, I too am reaching out for some last minute help/reassurance as rank lists are due tomorrow. Many of you know my story -- kid with some special needs/mild developmental delays, husband in residency, took an extra year of med school to give kid stability during transition to dad being in internship. Now my turn to match. Question is - how far should I be willing to commute for residency? I have a few programs within easy commute of husband's residency. Then I have a few others that would require 1.25-2 hour commute from me each way (can be up to 2 hrs in traffic) and will require 1 hr commute for husband. Should I keep my rank list short to the places within easy commuting distance, given my kid's extra needs? Or is it better to rank the farther-away places too (with 1.5-2hr commutes) just to have them as options? Argh! How far should I be willing to go in order to be a resident?
If you did end up at a program 2 hours away from your husband, would you consider living separately from him, at least during the week? Then you would not have the horrendous commute. It seems to me that living apart would be better than not matching at all, so I would still rank all the programs.
Yes, I would consider it although it would be hard. The main issue is our son - where would he go? Right now he has all these services set up where we live (which is near my husband's residency). If I move 2 hours away, where does our son go? Would he relocate with me (therefore me being a single parent and re-setting up all the special services/health care), or does he stay with his dad while I go? I'm willing to be separated from my husband, but I really don't know if I can stomach being separated from my child. That's the scary part for me that I wonder -- is it better to go unmatched than to live apart from my child?
Considering that depending on your specialty you're likely to match in your top 3, I would keep them on the rank list and hope you don't have to deal with it, unless you're willing to risk going unmatched. For me, I am not ranking anywhere I can't see it working feasibly well with my family situation. I couldn't commute 4 hours a day on top of internship. I agree that the apartment-in-town situation might be best in that case, with as much of your time spent at home as possible, and maybe some in home care with your child with you on easier rotations.
I bet you could find a way to make it work, whether your child is with you or with your husband. If he is with your husband, you could still coordinate his care from a distance, your husband would be your eyes and ears to make sure it is going well, and you could visit as much as possible. Or you could keep him with your husband temporarily, see how things go for him, see how you and your husband's duty hours are, see what kinds of services are available in your residency area, and then move him in with you later if it seems that that would be better.
Regardless of your child's needs, I would not commute 2 hours in residency. That's just impossible. Anything more than 30-45 minutes is insane (and not safe - you'll be EXHAUSTED and falling asleep on the road). If you end up matching away, at least get a crash pad. Best of luck to you and your family!