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4 under 5 and a hubby...can this be done?

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15 years 4 months ago #9964 by PremedRN
You guys, uhhhh, browser was not attacked or negatively responded to because he had a different view, at least by me anyway. I dont know about you guys, but I dont like to be called, in a round about way, "half-a$$ed" because of my career or parenting decisions.

Medicine has been traditionally upheld by men--that is a fact--what is wrong with, like I said, within reason, asking for this day for the partner to take call to go to an activity, and you do the same for him or her? It happens ALL THE TIME with vacations, for a week at a time, and more than once a year. What is the difference? Im not saying every week or every month but jeez. Traditionally mostly dads were absent in children's lives because of their more willingness to be gone working, moms did the kid stuff and stayed at home....just common knowlege..just because a lot of dad's have been socialized that way, doesnt mean it is inappropriate for a mom to come into the field and want some days, WITHIN REASON, off to attend at least some things. I dont think it is appropriate for a dad not to want to attend, and feel like they should not ask for it. I dont think I'll be able to attend everything Id want to like a stay at home mom would----I know I cant have it all, but cant I have a little more than what is being offered largely due to male dominated field?

I will not conform to the manly ideology in medicine. I will not have men make me feel bad for being a caring mother and physician for asking for couple specific days off a year, and Im not talking about holidays, I work them now.

I feel that men/dads in this society characteristics need to change, so for me this whole things broken already, Im not going to support the never devoting a day to my children, Im only a machine to work, work, work, dont feel emotions...and blah, blah, blah like these poor men have been trained to do i our society...that is why, in my opinion, residency is the way it is loooong hours etc, because it was mostly men...yeah, I'll do the residency thing and be a machine, and I will be careful when choosing a specialty.
Okay, Im gonna shut up now. It is more of a deeper issue for me.

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15 years 4 months ago #9965 by mommd2b
To the original OP....

Have you considered very slowly getting your feet wet (ie taking a class a semester, volunteering etc over time) until your youngest is in school? Four under 5 sounds very stressful to try and be successful right now. What about keeping the goal of going into medicine in the future and working slowly towards it?

You could potentially apply to start med school when your youngest goes to first grade (or even older)...If you went to a 5 year program instead of 4, your youngest would be in the 4th grade when you start clerkships...and in junior high by the time you hit residency....adjusting your timetable a little might make this doable for you.

kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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15 years 4 months ago #9966 by Beckie
Hi
I just read this forum thread today and I am in awe by the "browsers" comments. He is wrong about so many things, especially about women not being discriminated against. That is like saying racism doesn't exist. I wonder if he has ever taken a Women Studies class. I just had it this semester and I learned that women still don't have equal rights under the constitution. Here is a quote from the equal rights website "The Equal Rights Amendment, first proposed in 1923, is still not part of the U.S. Constitution." Although times are changing, we still don't have equal rights.

In our women studies book, there was an article called "The Wage Gap," and here is a quote from that article: “The earnings data show a wage ratio of women’s to men’s median weekly earnings of 76 percent in 2001 (National Committee on Pay Equity 307). The article shows that in 2000 white men earned $10,789 more than women did and this is for full-time workers.

There is discrimination going on whether we like it or not and the only way to change it is to recognize that it is going on and support women in their careers. Women have always done everything, so now it is the man's turn to help out and the new wave of the future is equals!

I hope everything works out with you and your wife.

Take care,
Beckie

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15 years 4 months ago #9967 by Marilyn
Interesting discussion......

Marilyn

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15 years 4 months ago #9968 by PremedRN
Beckie,
Amen to that sista!!!!! :yes:

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15 years 4 months ago #9969 by CaLiGirL:)
I would be fine with staying home with my child, until she grew old enough for me to take on my dreams. That is exactly what I'm doing now. In the past, I was highly blinded with passion and with what I wanted, that I many times put my daughter on the back-burner to ace my classes, volunteer, shadow, etc... Just like Kris, I would memorize things at the park, figure out equations at the pool, read while my kid and I were eating together. Sure, my daughter and I spend *quality* time together... but ask her want she wants, even still. She wants me there.

I also agree, that there needs to be one parent that makes being home with the children a priority over all else in life... whether they work or not.. whether it be mom or dad. Times have changed, it's the year 2004... BUT society still expects specific roles out of men and women to a certain degree. I truly believe that the only reason why society has this idea engraved even at this point passed the millenium, is b/c it's kind of... a force of nature. I can honestly say, as much as I dislike being a homemaker (cooking, cleaning, bathing the kid, packing lunches, laundry, etc...), and as much as I would love to be a full-time career woman... as much as I'd like to force my kid's dad to stay home and be the "Mr. Mommy", there's something about motherhood... about this thing, this bond, that dad's don't have with their kids the same way mom's do. Dad's are perfectly capable of loving, rearing, and nurturing... but it's something that is, I believe, naturally instilled upon women in general.

That's why I have decided to put off medical school so that I could be my kid's mom, full-time until she reaches an age to go off to college herself. I want to teach part-time, following my graduation, but it takes 2nd place to my kid and family... I have no complaints with this sacrifice that I have made (and don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound high and mighty, but it IS a sacrifice, however) b/c it had to made... in my case, anyway. I'm perfectly fine with me (the mom, the female) staying home while her father (the male) goes out to make the money. I think it's fine that he would be the one making the money, so long as he plays an active role in our child's life, appreciates what I do, and doesn't have the "I bring home the bacon, just pull the money from my arse and leave me alone" type of attitude.

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