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Stressed out about Kids during Med 1

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3 years 10 months ago #96112 by lucianmommyoftwins
I'm a Med 1 student at a Caribbean medical school. I am about to complete my first semester but things did not go well and it's pretty likely that I will have to repeat Med 1 if I am not dismissed. Originally, my husband and kids were supposed to relocate with me but my husband changed his mind at the last minute and decided to stay in the U.S. with the kids. He thought it would have been difficult to find employment here. It has been very difficult for me to concentrate because my kids have not been receiving the proper care that they need. They moved from being straight A students to failing every single class. They're also having behavioral and disciplinary issues. It's as if everything has turned upside down with me being gone.

I am debating whether I should try to get into a U.S. school by retaking the MCAT but I don't think I will be able to do well on the new MCAT. The last thing I want to do is give up on my dream. It took a great deal of sacrifice for me to get here even though I am failing. There's absolutely nothing else that I want to do with my life. I had a teaching career before medical school and I know teaching is not my calling. I just could not give studying my 100% knowing that my kids were not getting a proper dinner; not doing well in school; having behavioral issues. I just feel so overwhelmed and stressed out. Part of me wants to give up but part of me wants to keep going. I just don't think it makes sense that I'm pursuing my dream to give my kids a better life but their lives are being destroyed in the process. They're eight years old and that's an impressionable year.

If anyone has any advice, please reach out.

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3 years 10 months ago #96118 by sahmd
Wow, I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you and for your kids. I think you are right, continuing on in this path will not give your kids a better life, and it will not give you a chance to succeed either because you are worried about their wellbeing. I don't know what exactly you should do, but some ideas are to have the kids (+/- husband) move to where you are, find another family member (grandparent?) who can step in and help them where they are, or take a leave of absence to get them back on track and then decide what to do.

I'm really sorry your husband has played such a negative role here. No matter what you decide, it does not seem like a good idea to leave the kids in his care in the future.

I hope everything works out for the best.

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3 years 9 months ago #96162 by susieq
Okay I feel your pain. While I dont have kids, I intend to during residency and I often wonder if my husband won't behave like yours. Now, my understanding is that most Caribbean med schools hold their rotations in the US. So you only need to spend 2 years out there, as the final 2 are in the US. If you can do that hopefully you will be so busy it will whizz by. If not, how about coming back to the US, doing an MCAT prep course (summer: 6-8 weeks) and WHACK that MCAT out of the park? You can do this.
The following user(s) said Thank You: lucianmommyoftwins

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3 years 9 months ago #96167 by lucianmommyoftwins
Thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm looking at another Caribbean medical school that is more family friendly as my plan B. My plan A is to take the MCAT in April to get into a U.S. school. With a U.S. school I wouldn't be able to start until Fall 2017. That's the downside. With that particular Caribbean school I can start in August. I'll keep you posted.

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3 years 9 months ago #96172 by OHM77
This advice comes from single mother of three kids who were elementary age when I started medical school. I am now a second year resident. My advice to you is to ask your self which is more important. Life that where you are not a doctor but you are constantly involved in your children's lives or Life as a doctor with a few years were you are not constantly involved in their lives. If you like the first side then you know what you need to do. If not, then push through. I went to a medical school in the US and living in the same house did not make me more available. I had to miss out on so much. Believe me kids are resilient. My kids had issues, but we talked about it. Skype, call etc if you are not already doing this. Make sure that you are doing this every day and they will adjust. You may also want to invest in a nanny, baby sitter etc to help you husband out. It sounds as if you were holding the household end of things together and you can't expect him to all of the sudden jump in and do things when he wasn't before. This will be a huge financial struggle but it may be worth it as your husband adjust to life as a "single dad". My children are so proud of me now. They are hurt when I can't attend things or we are not able to do things, but they are understanding.

Realizing the dream I deferred.

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