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I'm about to tear my hair out - major vent

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12 years 4 months ago #1064 by Cates
It's probably falling out right now anyway. I am currently still on a leave of absence from med school. If the school was in the state where I am living now there would be no issue, but going back requires moving across the country. I decided I should go back to medical school as there really isn't anything else I can see myself doing. Well my husband's employer decided to give him a raise. Not just a tiny one either, but more than what I would make as a starting physician in primary care. It's also an exceptionally high amount for what he does and it's a normal 9-5 job. Now I am not going into medicine for the money, but I can't help thinking how much easier my life would be if I didn't go back. I could raise my yet to be conceived children close to their grandparents while they're still alive, not have to go through residency barely seeing my yet to be conceived children or my very much conceived husband. Yet, I see women on here who have denied themselves or were denied by others the opportunity to go to medical school and it eats them up inside. I keep thinking that no career will ever compare to medicine, but I still don't know how I'll feel about motherhood. I'm not sure what I'm expecting from posting here, but I need to get it out. I guess no matter which path I take I'm going to be mourning the loss of the other. I hate being a grown up :banghead: I wish I was in love with some other career. I wish I could amputate whatever passion I have for medicine. None of my friends have jobs they absolutely love, but they still seem happy. Why can't I be like that? Why can't I just take some so-so job that doesn't mess up my almost perfect life here and be happy with it? If you have read this far, I apologize.

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12 years 4 months ago #1065 by residentmom
Can you transfer?

ResidentMom<br /><br />"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much." --Jackie O.

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12 years 4 months ago #1066 by Cates
Nope, no transferring. I asked my state school if they allowed transferring even for compelling reasons and they said no.

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12 years 3 months ago #1067 by drpurple
Wow, that sounds tough. How far along are you? Maybe you can restart? Or maybe you could do electives at a school closer to your husband? Or could your husband work at an office across country or from home? I'm sure you've thought of all these things.

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12 years 3 months ago #1068 by Cates
I finished my first year and then took a leave of absence. The plan was originally that we would spend the first year apart and then he would move out with me. That kind of changed due to some problems back in my home state that caused me to waver in my decision to be in medical school and so I took the year off. Ideally I would start over in at my state school, but I'm not sure if that can even be done and when I contacted them about transferring they were not helpful at all. My husband's job doesn't allow for telecommuting and even though it's a nice job it's not a complete deal breaker in my decision to return. It just makes it harder.

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