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Choosing between family and career? NOT !!!!!

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15 years 3 weeks ago #15748 by DrLydia
I have a strong conviction that I should be home more with my children. When I was in college and medical school, I never imagined that I would feel the way I do now. In fact, I would be upset if someone suggested women could not balance work and family. But with time I found I had trouble leaving work at work, and took my concerns for my patients home. While anyone observing my family probably thought my career and family were thriving, I knew my family was being short changed. In my current full time work in medical informatics, I find this to be a much better fit, for me and my family. In my next career transition, I am hoping for something part-time. I enjoy many aspects of what I do, and think that a part time position with a job that I can truly leave at work (mentally, not just physically) will be the right mix, at least for this season of life. This would not be the right decision for others! Certainly we all know many women who have accomplished full time work (including medicine) and family very well and enjoyed it. Other have balanced well, but have not enjoyed it and desired an alternative. Part of the beauty of these forums is that women can find other moms of like mind for support whether committed to full time career or desiring to be a SAHM.
Of note, my husband has been nothing but supportive in each stage of my career and family life. He cooks dinner, does laundry, helps get the kids to daycare/school (actually he did the Mr. Mom thing for 2.5 years as well), etc. My desire to be home more, is in no way due to lack of help or encouragement at home. Men are not always to blame for the struggles some of us have.

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15 years 3 weeks ago #15749 by skinny40
About career or family...I think it boils down to being a happy and stable parent .
I am a stay at home mom and I know I could never be the kind of mother I am today to my son if I had worked..
So if working makes you a better person,well, that is what you should do because at the end of the day, children want a happy mom!!!!

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15 years 1 week ago #15750 by kpzr/8892
absolutely agree that you need to find what makes you the happiest personally. You know the old saying "if mama aint happy, aint noone happy". This is so true. I could be a fulltime stay at home mom and feel unfulfilled and frustrated and this would NOT benefit my children. Right now, I work part-time so I kind of feel I have one foot in the working mom world with childcare concerns, etc and one foot in the stay at home mom world, hanging out with neighborhood moms during the day, etc. Of course, noone can be perfectly fulfilled and happy all of the time and it is a real balance to do both work and the mom thing but I do my best, my kids are thriving, and truth be told, I do spend a great deal of time with them. They actually get bored of me wanting to do things together all the time! It is a challenge, feeling I am present enough at the office to stay current, etc but overall this works for us as a family very well. There are many days I feel so excited about my work and privilleged to be doing it. I don't think I would give it up unless I saw my family was suffering (which is absolutely not the case). I would give it up in a second if I saw a negative impact on my kids. Actually, I think it benefits them to see me have a career. They are both boys but it is good for them to see women in traditionally-male careers.
Every woman needs to find what is right for HER and her own family. I refuse to be judgemental about people who make a different decision than my own. I think there is a lot of petty narrow mindedness going around. I think some stay at home moms resent seeing that other peoples' kids thrive in childcare, as if what they themselves were doing for their own kids was somehow robbed of its value. There is no one right decision and this is what makes it a difficult decision for many moms.

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15 years 6 days ago #15751 by mommd2b
path,

I wish I had known all of this before having my children..or while they were little(r). I went into new mommyhood feeling that I needed to be at home with my babies 24/7. I felt guilty if my husband and I even went out on a date night....I was bored and going nuts though so I started taking a class a semester....and I did ok (but not outstanding) because I felt too guilty about leaving them for more than 1.5 hours to run to class and back. I actually PAID for full-time daycare for two children and only used daycare 8 hours a week or less because of my guilt. :eek:

Fast forward 10 years...I live pretty much in the middle of nowhere, my children are all in elementary school (except my 1 year old) and my husband is finished with his residency. In that time I have grown to realize that my children also would have thrived if I had been gone more when they were younger....heck, maybe they would have thrived more. :guilty: My youngest goes to inhome daycare 3 mornings a week..two so that I can work and 1 so that I can volunteer at my son's school. He LOVES going there...and my provider takes pictures of them regularly...there he is laughing and playing...As I volunteer more at my son's Kindergarten (Montessori) and see the preschoolers at play and think about how much my son enjoys playing at my childcare providers house, it has occurred to me that I could never give my children the experiences that these children are having interacting with other children the same age, etc...the crafts, the organized activities....are all things that pretty much became less and less frequent as my first two children got older.

I'm 34, and the train has left the station for me...I am simply resigned to my life...not really satisfied.....

So, from the once Dr. Laura listenging mom, may I just say...follow your own dreams and don't feel guilty about building your own life....

kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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15 years 6 days ago #15752 by skinny40
After reading Mommd2b's post..I was wondering what happens to doctors who leave their careers for whatever reasons and then want to get back later?Is this possible?or is it the end of the road? :( Does one have to go through re-training?Anyone know people who have gone back after a long break? :scratchchin:

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15 years 6 days ago #15753 by Doc201X

Originally posted by mommd2b:
path,

I wish I had known all of this before having my children..or while they were little(r). I went into new mommyhood feeling that I needed to be at home with my babies 24/7.

Hi mommd2b!

Ultimately, I think we have to be confident that we made the best decision that we could at the time as I'm sure it's quite natural for all of us at some point to have wanted to go back in time as make a differenct decision. But I'm a strong, strong believer that absolutely EVERYTHING happens for a reason and most importanly happens they way it was SUPPOSE to happen.

BTW, it's NEVER too late to pursue your dreams!!! Just figure out a time that's comfortable for you and your family, and go for it!

My Scientist/Physician Journey
www.Doc201X.blogspot.com

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