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12 years 10 months ago #19378 by babywonder
i can completely relate to TLC. i don't know if it was b/c the baby bug had not yet hit me during undergrad or if i had not found the right man to have children with, but i really never thought much about babies and family and how that would play into my career life until recently. i am a second year and i am really starting to stress about the timing and the debt etc. i want to go into peds, which is supposedly "family friendly" and i hope to practice part time with my father, but i still worry about the hours of residency and the debt, especially since my boyfriend is a 2nd year, too. we've been talking about children for a while now, and hope to maybe have our first during fourth year, but we're worried about these other things.
we don't really want to wait past fourth year b/c then we'd have to wait until second year residency. however, we're worried that apart from all the other hardships, older, more conservative docs would frown upon the fact that we're not married and having a child. i know it sounds silly, and really this is not going to be a major factor in our decision, but i was wondering if this would actually be an issue. from what i see, most of you are married with kids. with time and money constraints, and very far away relatives (his family),we'd rather invest these limited resources into starting a family rather than into a wedding. i know that if it's not an issue to me or my family, it really shouldnt matter, but i just want to see what others think.

well, i really love reading these forums, even the ones that i dont participate in. they are very encouraging. so thank you all for everything!

so, bottom line, i think that whether we think about families early or late, the worries and hardships will be there, and, like any other thing in life that is worth it, it is going to be a difficult road ahead of us. we just have to look at the example of the women of the generation before us for advice of how they did it!

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12 years 10 months ago #19379 by sahmd

with time and money constraints, and very far away relatives (his family),we'd rather invest these limited resources into starting a family rather than into a wedding. i know that if it's not an issue to me or my family, it really shouldnt matter, but i just want to see what others think.

Weddings don't have to be expensive! You can just go to your county's recorder's office (or equivalent), get a license, and get married there, too (maybe on a different day). My husband and I did it that way and it was somewhere between $100 and $200 (I don't remember exactly). Another thing about being married is that it gives you some legal advantages. Anyway, that's what worked for us.

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12 years 10 months ago #19380 by romd

Originally posted by sahmd:
Weddings don't have to be expensive!

I know this is off the original topic, but I totally agree! Being legally married does have many advantages, particularly if you have children together. Thought I'd offer another option to getting married inexpensively - ELOPE! It's romantic and costs only as much as a vacation.

As 2 residents, my hubs and I first tried to plan a wedding, but after months of stress, we finally decided to elope. We got married in the most beautiful setting in the Caribbean. Those resorts do everything for you, so no planning is required. Mexico is another place for good discounts. And destination weddings are a good excuse for not inviting all those guests. Later, if you wish, you can throw a party or reception, which costs less than a full wedding.

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12 years 10 months ago #19381 by fit2survive
So I have a question for all of you.. especially the docs who have already gone through med school and residency and are fully practicing. I am 26 and have 3 kids (3yrs,2yrs, and 9mos. I am probably about 4 years away from finally completing a Bachelors in BIO, and want to go to med school and hope to go into OB/GYN and further into MFM. I am in a quandry trying to decide if I should wait until my kids are quite a bit older and just about out of the house before I start med school or if I should just jump right in. I don't care to be a mom and wife that never has time to spend with family, doing homework with my kids or misses every soccer game or even the majority of them. I want my kids to know I am there even if I am in school. I want to give 100% to my fam and give 100% to school. So far I have managed, but I know that my life is not nearly as demanding right now as it will be. So Any advice? I have contemplated wating until my youngest is about 16 before going to med school, and that would make me about 39. Is that too old? I want to have a good career in medicine that I can enjoy, but I also want my family life. If I do choose to wait, I would be working towards getting my Masters and then teaching Bio and Chem at university level for awhile. I would appreciate any advice.

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12 years 10 months ago #19382 by Baby Einstein
I think you answered your own question. You can't be giving 100% to family and 100% to med school at the same time, it's just too demanding. Of course, this is your decision, but from what you told us, it sounds like you should wait. 39 is *definitely* not too old at all. Besides, you may not end up waiting that long, especially if you have good support. Good luck to you.

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12 years 10 months ago #19383 by TLC
I agree - there is NO WAY you are going to go through medical school and give your family 100% of your time. If family is your #1 you should wait - otherwise I think you will end up disappoint and disenchanted.

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