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15 years 1 month ago #4728 by lori
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!! I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE.

I know I should probably post this in the Parenting Section, but I thought it might get more of a response in the General Discussion. Any advice would be appreciated. I have myself so upset about I am actually sick to my stomach. I am sorry but it is going to be a long post.

It is about my son. He is loving, kind, and would do just about anything for anyone. He is also very sensitive and can be very dramatic. Lately, he has been having some problems with the kids out on the playground at recess. Many of the kids don't want him playing football with them. He loves playing (even played with the team this year). I have tried talking him into playing something else with some of the other kids like X tag, but he really wants to play football and insists that he wants to play. Every day I ask him how the playground was? Any fights? etc? and I cringe at what his response is going to be.

I am not sure why the other kids don't want him playing (even some of his teammates from the football team). I thought maybe it was because he was "hogging the ball" so I told him not to. He told me he can't hog the ball because they won't give it to him to hog. He told me he is really sad about it. A few of the kids wont let him play at all if it is their ball.

What really made me concerned with the situation was that one of the boys he was friends with last year (my husband's boss's son) doesn't even want to be his friend this year. He even told my son that he would be invited to his birthday party if his father wasn't making him. Many of this child's friends are some of the ones not wanting him to play.

I really wish I just knew why the kids don't want to play with him. As a mother, I really need to know why they won't play with him. He is not a bratty child nor does he call other kids names. He really dsoesn't have a mean bone in his body.

I was thinking maybe I should talk to the mother, but talk about very unfriendly. She is not even approachable. I asked my husband to say something to his boss but he does not know what to do. I thought it was something that would pass, but it isn't.

I even as much as said to my son that it must be something he is doing at school for so many of the kids not wanting to play with him (kill me later). I wish I could take it back. I just can't get over how upset I am. I don't want him getting a complex over this. I wish I knew what I might be able to do to help fix it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!! Help! We have 2 and 1/2 more years here and I want this to be a fun time not a sad time for him. Thank you for listening as I sit in cry over this. It has been bothering me for weeks now. I know I can't force other kids to like my child but maybe if I knew what it was, we might be able to correct it. Of course, you know how your own kids are..."Mom, it's not me...it's eveyone else. Thanks again for listening. Look forward to your advice.

"Cure sometimes, Care always" <br />Dr. Robert Fogel. <br />"Go confidently in the direction of your dream. Live the life you have imagined". HD Thoreau

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15 years 1 month ago #4729 by kthoms0319
This is a lame first response, but I would definitely make a visit to school and try to see what is going on, and also ask whatever teacher/playground supervisor if they have noticed anything.

Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with the actual playground, but something else that happened in the classroom, too.

Hope you get it figured out. Maybe the Christmas break will help give some perspective and a fresh start?

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15 years 1 month ago #4730 by kthoms0319
Oh, the other thing I have tried with my own daughter is inviting one of her classmates over to play, to kind of give them an "in" when there's no competition, or going to visit another classmate's parent so the kids can play together while you chat. Just an idea. It might give you some insight.

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15 years 1 month ago #4731 by rs4
saw an interview (on Bravo) with Johnny Depp awhile back. He was talking about how great his mother was, how he identifies with a lot of feminine traits, etc. When he was asked for an example of something terrific she'd done, he said "taught me to fight back for myself on the playground" when he was being harassed. Not something I really know how to do, but it just sounded true.

two other children were hassling my son on the playground with name calling, etc. and making fun of his pets name. we did suggest things he could do (choose to play with others, tell the teacher if he was afraid, etc.). it was hard for us to know how bad the situation was, but he started talking about it every day, crying some, drawing pictures of the mean children on a railroad track with a train coming.....etc.

we decided to talk with his teacher and it worked out great. she had seen the problem but not realized how bad it was and said she wished he had told her more. they had just moved to a bigger playground where some of the area is off behind trees, etc and not as closely supervised. It seemed to mean a lot to our son that we supported him. I think he told the kids involved that we were going to talk to the teacher because they looked at me with fear when i came into the classroom....

good luck

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15 years 1 month ago #4732 by lori
Thanks for your replies guys. I am actually going to talk with his teacher first. My son isn't letting this bother him as much as me I guess. I have also scheduled a "sleepover birthday party" for him and some of his friends and classmates (need my head examined!! 11 kids in a small apt eek!!!). He does get along with most of the kids and most of the kids really seem to like him. Thanks again!

"Cure sometimes, Care always" <br />Dr. Robert Fogel. <br />"Go confidently in the direction of your dream. Live the life you have imagined". HD Thoreau

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15 years 1 month ago #4733 by Kate_dup1
Talking with his teacher is the best action I think. She or he has first hand knowledge about how he and the kids interact with each other and she or he can offer suggestions. Where in Philly does he go to school? We ended up moving to Philly suburb so that our son didn't have to face the city schools (my husband was a teacher there) We ended up in Jenkintown...loved it and not too far from lots of rotations.
Our son often would come home saying he didn't have anyone to play with at school during recess. It came from his fear of confrontational sports though. He was afraid to engage with the other boys because he just wasn't comfortable in that setting. Sounds different from your situation. You feel so afraid for your kids sometimes...probably more so than they feel themselves. But now he is doing great. Sorta outgrew that stage. He is now in 6th grade and has many friends...still doesn't like confrontational sports.

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