I guess I'm just looking for some encouragement or words of advice.
I'm an MS1 just about to take our first exam for anatomy. I feel like I'm studying all the time and putting in everything I have to doing well in school, but I have nothing to show for it in terms of grades. I barely passed my first block (biochem) and did not do well on our first anatomy quiz. I am just feeling really down and doubting myself. I do great on all things clinical (interviews, exams, ethics, etc) but my sciences are such a struggle. I'm really struggling with long term memory. I've tried so many different study methods that I feel like an ADD kid that forgot to take their meds (whiteboard, outlining, reading the textbook, writing objectives, practice questions, tutors, etc) all with no avail. To go along with that, I feel like I'm failing as a wife. My house is constantly a disaster with dishes that need to be washed and laundry that needs to be folded, and I haven't cooked a healthy meal in god knows how long. I've tried delegating tasks to my fiancé, but despite his best efforts, he sucks at being a house-husband and is in the middle of trying to change careers. I feel like I'm not devoting enough time to him, and on top of it all, I've got baby fever worse than ever before.
I know that this is the career I want, and I'm trying so hard to get there, but I just feel stuck in a rut that I can't pull myself out of. I'm learning all of this amazing stuff and I can't even appreciate it because there's constantly this gigantic fear of failing looming over me. It's so hard knowing that despite all of my effort, I have nothing to show for it.
Hang in there! Life can be messy especially in the midst of juggling school and home responsibilities. Is there any support at your school that can help you (our school has a group of more senior students who help run review sessions and tutor as well as an office that deals with "wellness" which includes the stress that you're feeling currently)? Unfortunately, it can be difficult figuring out what the best way to study for you is sometimes and maybe having someone there with you to help you talk through it would be helpful.
In terms of our other stressors, I can completely relate to the feeling of not doing enough at home, etc... The reality is we all have 24 hrs a day and none of us can do everything. So we all do our best, but at the end of the day, that's all we can do. Our place is persistently a mess and while after each rotation I do a big clean-up, I've resigned myself to the fact that in the interim toys will never be in the right place, there's always going to be papers scattered around, etc... The reality is though that you simply can't be responsible for all of the household tasks while going through medical school. The hour requirements get worse as you get into your clinical years and particularly if you plan on having kids, the household stuff grows exponentially (kids = mess & laundry... but lots of fun too ) We have personally not hired a cleaner, but I know that others on this listserv have raved about how life-changing it has been for them. Maybe worth it if you have the money to bring down some of your stress level so you're able to really focus on your school work without worrying about that too?
you are not alone trust me, I remember my 4.0 GPA double major self in undergrad then come medical school and I was barely passing some classes hang in there. Also your SO needs to pick up the slack and if he does not this may be an issue repeated over and over specially in residency. IF SO is not helping let the house go to hell and eat what you can when you can. Medical school is very stressful and the last thing you need to worry about is the house.