× Women Premed Students

Gaining my husbands support for medical school...

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11 years 6 months ago #34480 by HSTMD2Be
I have actually been a member of this site for over 5 years. I changed my e-mail address a while back and I had to sign up for a new account since I forgot my password. So anyways I will give you a little history about myself. I am a 26 yo mother of 2 children a 4 and 5 year old. I have a BS in Public Health which I earned a 3.01 and I am almost finished with a MS degree in Management and I currently have a graduate GPA of 3.85. I still have 4 pre-reqs to complete before I can apply to medical school and I haven't taken the MCAT either. I am a school teacher and my husband is a 2nd year Vet student. He has three more years of school left. I plan to apply to medical school in 2 years. I am waiting for my kids to start grade school and my husband to complete veterinarian school. My husband has always been supportive of my dreams but here lately he has been really unsure of the idea of me applying to medical school. He always tells me that I should think about dental, pharmacy, or physician assistant school since those careers will allow me more family time. I have been blowing off his remarks but then here lately he has been telling me that he hopes I get accepted to one of the schools that I apply to the first time I apply because once he graduates and starts working he is not moving again. I see his point we have moved several times in our marriage and he wants our children to not have to change schools. As a teacher I respect his opinion and I agree that our children do not need to be moving school districts every few years for moms medical school and residency, etc. I showed him this website tonight and I said "I know there are women on this site who are medical doctors who have family lives too." Then he said "but medical school will be so time consuming and the residency will kill our marriage." I know he could be right but everytime I think about switching my dreams I feel angry and sad. After all I have worked so hard to get him to complete his dream of becoming a Vet. (I am currently supporting our family while he is a full-time Vet student so I deserve some credit, right?) I originally wanted to specialize in Ob-Gyn or Pediatrics but here lately I have been considering Psychiatry. I have sacrificed so much from a mothers prespective...I think all mothers sacrifice a lot, it's part of being a mother. I have no social life and that is probably my own fault but the thought of letting go of my medical school dream deeply hurts me. Should I think more about my family and switch gears or should I follow through with my dreams because it can be done efficiently without regrets? I want my kids to live with a happy and satisfied mother not one that says "I wish I would have done this when I was younger, etc." Tell me about how your medical school years went, your residency, and if you have any regrets? What is your specialty and is it family friendly with your homelife? What are your hours and are you on call? What were your residency hours? Any other advice for me. :weeping: Am I being selfish or do I deserve a chance at my own dreams? I am sick of helping everyone else achieve theirs...when do I get a chance?

The most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or heard, they must be felt within your heart. ~Hellen Keller

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11 years 6 months ago #34481 by coffeeandtea
I was writing you a really long reply and my computer somehow navigated away from this page and I lost it. don't have time to re-write it right now, but I will get back to you. Just a second year med student wanting to offer some advice.

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11 years 6 months ago #34482 by PumpkinPie
I am actually starting medical school in August. My family has been dealing with me working on this for three years now, and I am finally in, but it involved a cross country move, splitting the children for 6 months, living with in-laws for nine months, and a graduate biology program which added to the debt, I will be taking over the next four years. I am very excited to be reaching my dream, but the only thing that could have made me stop during this up-hill climb, would have been lack of support from my husband. He is very behind me going to medical school, and has transfered from an office he loved to one that is so so in order to help me reach this dream, and it hasn't been easy and I am just getting ready to start. I have asked my self many times what would I give up to be a doctor, and I would give up so many things, but there is a line. I don't want to come out the other side of this as a divorced unhappy doctor, if that happens I believe I will regret, and regret is the cancer of life. My husband is on board, but there are moments that are really rough, and I think that you can work it all out, but just some things that have helped me thus far, and I hope will help out during the next four years. Number one for me has been to minimize any stress I can in his life and mine. School or daycare for the children is top priority, and the more the school offers the better, my children will be attending a school that offers 6 to 6 care, breakfast, lunch and two snacks, and parents night out 2 nights a month. Husbands can be great with kids, but if you are also married to a professional (like me my husband is a tax attorney) he won't be picking up the slack at home (maybe he will, but things he enjoys) no matter how busy you are at school, because his contribution to the family is the income, and supporting you going to medical school. For instance, my husband hates yard work, and I don't have time, so no question, some of the budget goes to a yard man. Also when I am off from school, I act like a stay at home mom, I take care of all the home front, spend time with the kids, clean, cook, and run errands for my husband, because our biggest fights happen when I am in the middle of loads of finals, and the house falls apart, if I take care of all the household stuff when I am off, he knows what he can look forward to when I have a break. I think that just the journey to medical school can be hard, and I am about to find out how hard medical school can be, but having a supportive husband on board, can make all the difference. I don't think you should have to give up your dreams at all, but I also think that you need to consider your biggest priorities, and then talk them through with your husband, make sure that he sees that you are considering his feelings, and position in your family. I think that it is so important to make your spouse realize that you appriciate what they are going through in order for you to be a doctor. Good Luck, I think it is such a great goal, and you can offer so much to the world and to your family, you just need to make sure that your family is in tact throughout the process.

kat

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11 years 6 months ago #34483 by HSTMD2Be
Thanks for the reply Pumpkinpie. I am going to spend some time really thinking about my priorities and then come to a decision by the end of this year on what to do. I teach a high school elective course called Health Science Technology and I have been asked to teach a Pharmacy Technician program to seniors. I am excited to go through the training this summer and I believe God has a plan for us all. Here lately I have been wondering if God is leading me to this path to prepare me for Pharmacy school. Maybe my husband is right....I may need to find something more family oriented....but then again why do I always go back to my original plan of becoming a doctor? I know that is where my heart truely is...only time well tell.

I will look forward to your reply Coffeeandtea.

The most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or heard, they must be felt within your heart. ~Hellen Keller

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11 years 5 months ago #34484 by txmom2008
I can definitely identify with your difficulties. For a while, all I had was a dream and an unsupportive husband. It tore me apart to have my love and my dream tearing me in two different directions. I had put him through Law School and felt I was entitled to "my turn".

After much agonizing, I eventually decided that being a doctor would be worthless to me if I didn't have a husband at the end of it. I was "OK" for about 18 months. Then, the desire came back so strongly it made me ache. I decided that if being a doctor was truly what God wanted me to do, then He would make a way.

I was at a women's health conference at the time, and my husband was out of town. I resolved to speak to him about it when he returned. I was doing dishes when he walked in and at the same time we each said "I need to talk to you about something." Turns out he had a change of heart and wanted to commit to supporting me with whatever I needed to make it through to being a doctor. He has since stuck to his word, and it has been such a wonderful experience to have your love and your dream moving in the same direction!

All this to say that I know what you're going through, and that all things work together for good and for a reason. I truly don't think God would want you to suffer. If it is meant to be, it will happen. Have faith!

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11 years 5 months ago #34485 by Doc201X
As a person who was divorced and now remarried, I must introduce the idea that sometimes having a dream like becoming a Doctor and having an unsupportive husband can sometimes mean you married the wrong guy (as this proved to be the case for me).

My first husband "pretended" to be on board until I was actualy accepted to med school (many year ago). I think he thought I would change my mind after I got my MS, but obviously I didn't. With a marriage in the dumps and a seriously/terminally ill parent, I delayed my dreams and dropped the dead weight I was carrying too.

Call me a fanatic, but I don't believe God would give us dreams only to have important people in our lives not support them. That seems contradictory to me. The "right" guy, husband, boyfriend, SO, ect, WILL support your goal because I think God wants us to be happy and live in peace.

My Scientist/Physician Journey
www.Doc201X.blogspot.com

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