× Women Premed Students

Gaining my husbands support for medical school...

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11 years 5 months ago #34486 by RitaHayworth
I would be one of those who married the wrong guy. After 16 1/2 yrs marriage, supporting him while he started several businesses, enduring verbal and emotional abuse (also aimed toward my daughter)--I am done. He knows that I am staying at present so I can get accepted to med school, and that he is footing the bill. He won't move out, start paperwork, get an attorney or anything, hoping we can work things out. In spite of all this, one thing I know for sure is that if he is not on board with the medical school to the fullest extent, he is history. I have sacrificed enough in our marriage, and now its his turn.

Sound bitter? Not really, I am just resolved within an inch of my life. I would like to stay until the children are gone, but that will not happen if he cannot fully support me. I have 12 and 15 y.o. so I'm not dealing with young children. In my estimation, any vocation or school can be endured as long as "balance" is your central motto. This means sometimes sacrificing a grade, not being at the top of the class, etc. However, it is well worth it and makes getting almost everything you want achieved, just not in exactly the way you would want it sometimes.

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11 years 5 months ago #34487 by coffeeandtea
Hey HST,

I realize that this is REALLY late, and sorry about that. I actually was re-reading your post and realized that I had attempted a post a while ago. You just really struck a cord with me, because you do seem passionate about trying to go to medical school. I don't have any direct advice for you, because I am in much different circumstances, but I figured it might be helpful to just offer my perspective.

I was really skeptical about applying to medical school. In college as a biology major, I seriously considered becoming a nurse practioner, PA, or dentistry. I put a lot of time and research into the dentistry route. My great grandfather and uncle were dentists, and I didn't necessarily *not* enjoy it, it just wasn't my dream. I attributed part of that to my naturally attractive dentition. I used to wish for bad teeth, because if I had gone to an orthodontist and it had changed my life, then maybe I could be passionate about dentistry. I really did try. I shadowed dentists. I thought about how they work under forty hours a week, often times make more than general practitioner MD's, and don't have to do a residency. I really wanted to want to be a dentist. But I ended up taking a year off after college, because I just couldn't fullheartedly commit to it.

fastforward a year, and I'm applying to medical school. I was single at the time, a desperate romantic in want of the perfect husband, family, home, and career. I figured God would "open that door" if I belonged in medical school, and sure enough, I got my acceptance letter and I jumped at the chance.

In my first year I met my husband. We married second year thinking we were going to do "lifestyle specialties" and have four or five children. a year later, he's planning on doing general surgery, which is 80+ hours for the next five years, at least, while I am enjoying ob/gyn, which has comparable hours. I can say my dream of having a lot of children and "balancing it all" is not looking so realistic. We're currently waiting to have kids because our schedules are so crazy, and will only get worse.

I do think it is easier if you have your children prior to medical school. Surely you are entitled to do medical school if that is what you truly want. But please, please do consider that it is a huge sacrifice. It will take you away from home, it will take you mentally away from your family. You will be stressed and tired. Is it worth it? I"m not sure yet. It is rewarding. but that is not to say that it will involve sacrifices. some days I do wish I had taken an easier road, and imagine myself as a mother spending lots of time at home and cultivating my other interests. sometimes I am very thankful that I am in medical school, because I know I'm capable of doing it, and I feel privileged to be where I am.

the truth is, it is really tough to weigh the advantages and disadvantages of being in medical school with a husband and children, unless you do it. You can risk experiencing the regret either way. so ultimately, only you can answer if it is worth it to you. I know I'm rambling. Good luck and please keep us updated.

coffeeandtea

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