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Stay at home moms' snubbing

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4 years 4 months ago #94156 by niash
I live in a fairly well-to-do neighborhood where several moms stay at home. My husband takes care of our son most of the time due to my schedules. The other moms are always asking if I (the mother) am going to be home whenever we ask their kids for a play date. The other families with both parents working are better- they seem to be more flexible. Did anyone else notice this? I feel upset by this because it is almost like they are trying to make it look like I don't care about my kid...

The things you are forced to learn as a parent, grrr...

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4 years 4 months ago #94158 by southernmd
I have a lot of friends at my church and the majority seem to be stay-at-home moms. I miss a lot of stuff they do. Sometimes I feel bad about how much time they have for their kids vs me, but I have a very healthy bond with my child and wouldn't ordinarily think these things. I don't think they mean to make me feel this way. It's hard, because sometimes I think i am hypersensitive about it. I really also have a very hard time finding time to do stuff with them too, because nights are so short when I get off, and I focus on my family. It can be very hard. What about the days you have off? Can you find time to meet with them for play dates when you have a random weekday off or weekend day off? We have started invited families individually over for lunch on a random weekend day off, which is really fun - the kids play, and we eat something fun my husband and I enjoy cooking together that morning. Weekdays off I made it to a women's tea with some ladies awhile back, and have gone to a children's museum with another stay-at-home mom friend and have other things too. Take advantage of your time off and plan fun things. It feels good to see people then too and have something fun to look forward to. You aren't alone, though!

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4 years 4 months ago #94163 by niash
I think the problem was- I was a busy resident right off bat when I moved to this town so, most of my neighbors are not used to seeing me be around. Now I am moving away. I have already decided to join the church in the new place (even though I am not religious :) because that really is a good way to meet other parents. Remember, I still need to get thr' step 3 too, which feels more important at the moment...

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4 years 4 months ago #94168 by SW to MD
I have found email helps- otherwise I would never schedule anything for any of the kids. Now as far as adult time/having a whole other family over, that sounds like a brilliant idea southern. We will have to do that once we move for residency!

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy - MLKJ

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4 years 4 months ago #94177 by niash
We have invited other families over a couple of times- but it got difficult as the year progressed. On most days off, I just wanted to sleep. Also, the neighbors or friends were not always available when I had time.

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4 years 4 months ago #94190 by asunshine
-Our church has been a lifesaver for us in a new city. I hope you have a similar experience.

-Scheduling things last minute has worked out pretty well for us. I never know what I'll be doing more than a couple weeks in advance (and frankly neither do my classmates or friends), so a random "want to come over for dinner tomorrow night?" actually has worked out more often than not (my husband is a pro at this). Having families over is really fun, even if it's just pizza and a movie for the kiddos.

-Cut the moms some slack if you can. As any Time magazine cover will imply, women with full-time careers are bossy, cold, and treat their kids as afterthoughts. I grew up with a SAHM and except for teachers, did not know a single woman who had a full-time professional career and was also a mom. All I had were stereotypes to go on. So anyways, they may have preconceived notions about you based on what you do for a living, but once they get to know you, they'll realize that you are actually awesome.
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