Hi, I'm an 18 year old senior in high school who is going to graduate this May. I've been accepted into several colleges as a biology major, and my plan was to eventually go to med school and then become a doctor. I hadn't decided specifically what type yet, but I was thinking hematologist or oncologist. Anyways, I was recently thinking about my other goals, and my future family/kids was one thought that popped up. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my children are going to be my number one priority when I'm older, and how huge of a responsibility that really is. More than that, I want to be the type of mom that is around for her kids. I want to be the one to raise my kids, not a nanny or daycare. Not that there is anything wrong with receiving childcare, its just that this is not something I would choose to do, other than of course babysitters or maybe after-school care. Basically, for me, I want to put my children ahead of my career. My question is, is that really possible when pursuing a career in this field? I'm ready for the hard work (whatever field I choose) and I plan on being very dedicated and motivated, I just want to know what to expect, and not regret my decision when the time comes to have kids/get married. I'm looking for both negative and positive answers, so let me know what you think and what your experience has been. Thanks so much!!
Kelly, my advice to you is to do some reading on this forum -- this question has been addressed many, many times -- and to talk with women you admire as mothers and as people.
As someone older than you, I think it's likely that your ideas about what kind of mother you want to be will evolve over time, especially once you actually have a baby. As an example, I can tell you that when I was your age, I declared to anyone and everyone willing to listen that I would *never* put any child of mine in daycare. Over time, however, I came to realize what an enormous sacrifice it would be, for me, to be a stay-at-home-mother. Now that I have a toddler son who is absolutely thriving in daycare and I am happily (most days) moving forward in my career, my view on this has changed. I am certain that for my family, my career is a solid blessing, benefiting not only me, but also my husband and son. So you never know.
Having said that, I do think that medical training makes no sense for a woman who is certain that she wants to be an at-home mother. That's my opinion.
The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea. -- Isak Dinesen
If you have someone to fund your endeavor, its doable. If you have to take out loans like most, I'm not sure it is. My children are by far and away my priority but in order to feed them I have to work. The debt incurred in training necessitates practicing and focusing on your career.
If you have kids later in life, I think its doable. Better yet, marry someone who will pay for your schooling and can fund this sort of lifestyle.
The way my husband and I plan to balance it (i'm pregnant now) is using a nanny through the rest of my second year, third year, and then fourth year when I have a lot more time in school (kind of traditional for fourth year to be the year of rainbows and butterflies - at least at my school), he will stay at home, and we will enjoy a lot of family time together. Then throughout my career, my husband is transitioning from being in one profession to a different one that he can do from home. He will be a stay at home dad. There are other options than the woman having to stay at home. It is just something to think about. A lot of doctors use nannies, and many work shift work as hospitalists or in the ER in order to be "really off" when they are off. I plan to go into OB/GYN, so I will just try to find a balance in what I do.
Becoming a doctor is too long, too hard, and too exhausting in my opinion if you don't plan to ever work in it i.e. just being a stay at home mom. Don't do it if that is your plan.
You are absolutely right. I am an OMS--II, married for almost three years. I want a baby more than anything but my husband says no, not until my residency. Basically for money reasons, so he says. I really thought I could do it all before this process started and I hope I can, meaning having a career, kids and a husband. I also never thought I would want a baby so bad at this stage in my life.(I'm 26.) I know my husband loves me but he doesn't help me (something to consider.) He also ignores me all the time. I think I really want a baby now so that we would maybe pay me a little attention and act just a little bit concerned for me. When we do eventually have a baby, I know things will be piling up on me big time. In a fight this morning he said we'll never have a baby. Sorry for all the text, but no one else to talk to about this. The point is for me, I have to put having a baby off for at least two more years because of this dream of mine of becoming a doctor. I like school, but never imagined it to be so stressful or that it would take over my life like it has. My worst nightmare is that I will have infertility issues and my husband won't agree to any kind of intervention, not even Clomid, nothing. My other point is that for many women, including me, most of the responsibility for the family is on us. Please consider this when you are selecting a career.