I always feel that I am putting her before me no matter what I do, but I also know that I have to make a good career choice in order to be able to take care of her.
God forbid you put your child before you? Everything you say is so contradicting. FYI being a nurse you will be able to take care of her so don't act like you NEED to be a doctor to take care of her appropriately!
BTW I love Emily's post!
I pray they will carry on in spite of that dreadful monster prejudice, and with patience, courage, fortitude and perseverance achieve success for themselves. <br />Major Taylor <br />
7 years 10 months ago - 7 years 10 months ago#82571by Vita
Wow, this is my first time on this forum and I am so glad I came upon this heated thread. When I read your post, it was like reading about my own life. I am 31 years old, and I have a 9-months old son and a wonderful husband who says he would be behind any of my career decisions as long as they make me happy. I have a BS in Business and a Master's degree in Int'l Business, but I never even worked in this field. I have always wanted to be a doctor. I have recently started a community college initially with an idea of at least becoming a nurse, but secretly hoping to get pre-med courses and prepare for MCAT. This is my first semester back and as homework becoming more demanding, doubts started creeping in.
I am constantly distracted by thoughts of all the time that studies take away from my child. I am 100% in support of your values and reasoning for not wanting to sacrifice your family for the career and seeking reassurance or some support in finding out if ANY if at all balance between Med school and family is possible.
You are absolutely right about there not being a point of having kids if we are not there to raise them! Children are our DNA, remote resemblances of us and they are attuned to their parents. They grow up emotionally disturbed if their mom (or dad, whoever is the primary care taker) is not there. For those of you who question this statement, do not worry, this is not something I made up, this comes from well researched findings from developmental psychologists (I am taking that course now and SO happy I am). According to Santrock (2010), daycare seriously lacking in the United States and children, even if they are cared for high-quality daycare are much worse off than young children growing up with their biological parents (that is given that parents are caring).
I saw some of the posts in response to Ophelias Wings and I was ashamed reading them. They are clearly written out of guilt. Yes, I do think those ladies sacrificed their children's well-being for their selfish reasons. It is much harder to sacrifice a career for some than their child, which is a new trend, it seems, among new mothers.
To OpheliasWings: I think your post was wonderful and was asking for support and advice. It did not deserve the responses it got and I think you were attacked in the way you were because of other people's insecurities about child sacrifices they made. I am in the exact same boat as you are, close at least, and I have the same doubts/dilemmas. I don't want to miss out on seeing my child grow, it is his time to develop and shine (our mothers gave us ours). At the same time career becomes also important once your child is ready to start school/pre-school.
What I think might help you is maybe look into a Physician Assistant program. Have you considered that career? Take a look at that career, it might fit your goal. I have been thinking about it, but of course I feel that I would just cut myself short of just becoming the whole - a doctor and not just the PA. However, I might just go for that for now since I am not willing to leave my child to himself at this young age. I don't know, I think it comes down to sacrificing a child or a dream of becoming a doctor and that perspective hurts me.
Just to add: my father is a general surgeon, so I am a former child whose dad was day and night on call. But my mom was ALWAYS there: making sure we were fed, taught, had clean clothes, did our homework, did our chores, stayed healthy, etc.. She went back to work also after staying 3 years at home (but I NEVER spent a night without my mom being home). I can't imagine if my dad and mom reversed roles at that time. I wish I had guts to study to be an MD before I met my husband and had a child, at a younger age. I would LOVE to hear a story of someone our age with children and with husbands who succeeded in balancing it all!
Thank you so much for your post!
I spent every day last week up at 4:30 am studying/organizing notes, leaving for the hospital at 5:45 am, and getting home around 7pm. Guess who wasn't home with my kid? Me. My husband was.
My friend in class had to get a nanny bc her husband travels and they couldn't pick and drop off at daycare on time before it opened and closed with her as a third-year this year. So a nanny comes to their house.
You can't do this without a stay-at-home spouse, family keeping the kid, or a nanny unless you are that guy from Multiplicity and movies are suddenly real today.
Quote from a conference I was at this week specific to women physicians.
I am your age- 33 with four children and in my second year of medical school. It takes a village. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. My children are happy/healthy/whole, I have a great marriage, and am following my career goals.
Every family and parent is different- what works for one individual's personality does not work for another. If you desire to be with your children at all times until they enter school and then be there before/after school- medicine is most likely not for you.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy - MLKJ