× Thinking of a Becoming a Doctor

Kids OR medicine... or AND?

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3 years 9 months ago - 3 years 9 months ago #96046 by hopefuldoctormom
A long time lurker here. I've used this site, and many others, to help me get a feel for how mothers in college, medical school, and medicine fare with children. I do have a supportive husband who wants me to follow my dreams and accomplish my own (way up high) aspirations, but I keep yo-yo-ing back and forth to medicine. This is not because I am not sure - I am 100% sure that if I don't try I will regret not attempting the medicine path. I just don't want to sacrifice my family's wellbeing for my own personal successes (which I know will benefit us all if it all works out as I have planned).

I have not completed my bachelor's degree because of my inability to decide on something I feel is a heavy decision (I attribute the degree to what i want the rest of my life to revolve around in a career).I want my degree to give me as many options as possible without being too general a degree. This means about 4 years full time for undergrad, in addition to medical school and residency.

Also, we have 3 boys ages 9, 7, and just turned 1.

Here are my hesitations:

My mom and sisters can help me, but no one on the in-laws side can help, nor would my husband select any of them to help with the boys. Won't go into for privacy reasons.

My mom and sisters aren't exactly great instructors. My sisters aren't parents and are younger than I am, so they're the "fun" ones the kids like to be around - not really authority figures. My mom almost encourages my kids to disobey Dad me just to get her point across, or will do or say whatever she wants around my kids (most times chastising me for my disciplinary actions with them) which leads to frustration in my home. I would rather not leave my kids in her care more than a few hours at a time, and those times very spaced out.

I don't really have friends who can help, neither does my husband, so it's just us. And any paid childcare, of course. I don't mind this at all.

I do feel like medical school will cause me to lose out on and miss special times in my kids' lives, and I also don't want them to resent me for not being around or leaving at inopportune times because of school or work.

I don't want to miss out on my life with my husband. I love him and feel somewhat stressed when we don't spend time together for long stretches and will feel bad if it's because of school or work. My relationships mean more to me than money.

I don't want to look up in 10 years and not be a doctor and regret it. I also don't want to look up in 10 years and see grown men in the place of my young boys and wonder what happened....

In addition to all that, I don't want to not be a contributing parent to my household financially. I will already be married to medicine, I don't want to not be able to bring some money to the table in my (however temporary) absence.

Hubby tells me don't over think it, but I do that to what's going to be eaten for breakfast. I wish I knew how to turn it off! Anyways, any insight, suggestions, experiences, and encouragement to continue or choose something else would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.
Last Edit: 3 years 9 months ago by hopefuldoctormom. Reason: Spelling (typing on smart phone); additional info

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3 years 9 months ago #96051 by sahmd
Hi hopefuldoctormom, it is definitely possible to pursue medicine in your situation, but I also think all your concerns are valid. I think it all comes down to how important becoming a doctor is to you. Is it worth the huge sacrifice of time (at least 12 years) and money, and the stress of allowing your relationships to change in ways that you do not like? Only you can answer that question.

You do have some time to decide, however. You can use the 4 years of undergrad to see how things go before making a commitment to medicine. If it seems that undergrad is too stressful in your situation, then medical school and residency will definitely be too stressful. But if your husband and family are able to step up and support you in meaningful ways (actually helping you rather than just saying that they support you), then maybe it is more do-able. And you can also reassess the decision after your kids are older and more independent.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

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3 years 9 months ago #96054 by hopefuldoctormom

sahmd wrote: Hi hopefuldoctormom, it is definitely possible to pursue medicine in your situation, but I also think all your concerns are valid. I think it all comes down to how important becoming a doctor is to you. Is it worth the huge sacrifice of time (at least 12 years) and money, and the stress of allowing your relationships to change in ways that you do not like? Only you can answer that question.

You do have some time to decide, however. You can use the 4 years of undergrad to see how things go before making a commitment to medicine. If it seems that undergrad is too stressful in your situation, then medical school and residency will definitely be too stressful. But if your husband and family are able to step up and support you in meaningful ways (actually helping you rather than just saying that they support you), then maybe it is more do-able. And you can also reassess the decision after your kids are older and more independent.

Good luck, whatever you decide!


Thank you for your suggestions :) I've actually decided on Computer Science, and then (as you also stated), I'll reassess after that. I can also enroll in Post-Bacc programs for the sciences and go from there. And I actually have a life-long interest in technology, so if medicine takes longer to get to or just doesn't agree with my family dynamic (I hope not!!), I still have a career I can enjoy.

Thank you again!

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