× Women in Medicine Blogs & Diaries

Lost and Overwhelmed

11 years 7 months ago #68486 by angelfire_x
Hello Curious,
I'm not a physician, but I'm working on it. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. We are all here to support you. I know you can do it. I'm sure being a full time mother to 3 kids, a deployed soldiers wife and physician is hard, but you'll get through it. I was in your same situation up until 2 months ago. My husband just came back from a 15 month deployment from Iraq too. While he was gone, I had to go to school full time taking care of 3 yr old twin boys and a 4 year old girl. My grades slipped a little bit and we were living off an E-4 (now he's an E5) salary. There were times where I just wanted to give up b/c I was afraid that I was neglecting my kids. I didn't have any friends to help me. I was literally all alone. My family (who isn't helpful anyway) was in VA and I'm in Ft. Stewart, GA.

To say that is to say this, you're a strong woman and a wonderful mother. Don't let anyone take that from you. If your MIL is causing you stress, then send her butt back home. If you ever need to talk, I'm just a PM/email away.

<span style="color: purple"><span style="font-style: italic">Angelfire_x <br />~God is greater than any problem that U have~ <br />~If U can't change the people around U, then change the people around U~<br />~U R 2day where UR thoughts have brought U; U will be 2morrow where UR thoughts take...

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11 years 2 months ago #68487 by curious
As always, I tend to write when it is late and the house is quite. Right now, all is right with the world...My DH is home for 2 weeks of leave and it has been WONDERFUL! The kids really needed to see their dad, especially my 4 year old son. He'll leave in a week and will be home next summer.

As for me...I am doing so well now that I stopped working. I stopped at the end of September. It is amazing what some sleep and decreased stress can do for a person. My headaches have diminished, I have so much more energy, I actually want to do things. I have actually started working out! I am decluttering my home, organizing and going through everything with a fine toothed comb. I have had nothing but support and good wishes when I told people I was going to quit (except my partners). People really understood. The stay at home moms in my neighborhood have also been great. They don't see how I've done it for as long as I have. I spend time with my children. We read, go shopping, play and I'm not angry or short-tempered with them anymore.
I knew this was the right thing to do. I have been a little concerned, just because of the economic climate. My financial cushion isn't as comfy now as it was 3 months ago, but we'll manage. My sanity has been preserved. My husband could see it in the emails I started sending him after I quit. Sounded more energetic and less exhausted.

Just an aside. To people that think we all hate medicine...most of us don't. We hate the politics, the lack of reimbursement, jumping through hoops, litigation, time taken from family, stress, the need for perfection, too much self sacrifice. If it was just about taking care of people, and the rest of those things weren't factors, most of us would be doing what we truly loved. Also, remember, that who you are now and what you want now are not going to be the same in 10 years. Before I had kids I wanted to be the best in my field, didn't care about the hours or the work, but things change. It's okay. We're only human. We just have to learn to accept those changes and figure out how to incorporate them into our lives.

I still have plans for my gyn only practice when my non-compete is up. I will share space with one gyn and save money for my own office when I've gotten a full time patient load. That's also part of how I spend my time...in the planning stage.

To go with the flow is easy, it's the path of least resistance. To step out of line and go in a different direction, now THAT takes courage.

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11 years 1 month ago #68488 by curious
Here I am again, exhausted and pensive. After I stopped working at end of September, I had a surge of energy that came from actually sleeping and having less stress and hassle from work. Of course, there is always the stuff at home. I am running out of gas now. The kids are so needy and time consuming (as they should be). However, my patience has whittled down to almost nothing. There is certainly always something to do.

I met with a practice consultant to discuss opening my new practice next year. Got me pretty excited. I decided to spend the money because I really want things to be done right the first time around. I am already at a disadvantage because I will not be feeding my gynecology practice with any ob patients. My advertising will really need to be aggressive, but I will also offer some services to my patients that others in town don't.

I'm also looking for a house right now. We've been paying alot of money to rent, and we feel that now is finally the right time to buy.

There's so much going on. I just wish I felt better about how I was dealing with my kids.

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10 years 5 months ago #68489 by curious
It's been a long time since I've written. There seems to be absolutely no time. My husband returned from Iraq a few months ago. We moved into a new house, and even after several months, we still have not really gotten moved in yet. He's working right now, I'm still at home.

Honestly, I have to admit that I am so ready to get out of the house and back to doing something. It's not that I don't love being with my kids, but honestly, the constant demands are weighing me down. Even though you do get that as a physician too. I just need to have a little intellectual stimulation, I guess. My oldest son who is almost 5 is having some serious behavioral problems and has gotten kicked out of a second preschool. I know that there is something physiologically not right in there. I've tried counseling, behavioral therapy, parenting therapy anger management for him, but nothing has been working. He's making the household pretty unhappy alot of the time.

I am looking to start my practice, probably in November. I am working with a practice consultant. There are somethings that I'm good at, but organizing and running a practice just isn't that thing. I've thought so hard about it and been so torn with it because of the risks and the changing medical environment that is on the horizon. It may fail. There are alot of gyns in this town. I have to think of a way to set myself apart. Sometimes, I think I'm stupid for going this way. I'm out of medicine, why not stay out of it. Is it ever really that simple?

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10 years 5 months ago #68490 by rootsmomx4
I enjoyed reading your story. I too recently quit medicine to be home with my children. I didn't have the added stress of a husband in Iraq. I can't imagine that.

I haven't worked in 20 months now. I just got a call today offering me a one month locum. I was slightly tempted but with school starting soon the timing wasn't right. I have a six year old who I know will have a difficult transition to first grade and I don't think adding work to the mix will be beneficial.

Just wanted to say that I can relate to alot of the things you said. I am constantly struggling with the "return to work?".. Should I or shouldn't I? Life at home is stressful but it is a very different stress. I wonder if I will always have this internal battle.

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10 years 5 months ago #68491 by IrishMD
curious-i just quit medicine in feb and moved to another state--small town for my husbands job. we are staying here uncertain amount of time--maybe one more year, but i also feel overwhelmed at home too. i love not having to go to work but feel cut off from adults in a new town. my toddler is 2 and i have a 2 month old. i contemplate going back to work. my husband wants me to because we have much decreased income now but i'm not sure if this is right for me? i would love to find a way to work parttime but since taking over all childcare and domestic work i think my husband would still expect me to do most work and not even realize how much i was doing and i think that would be way too hard?
rootsmomx4-you have been out for 20 months. did you keep up your dea and state lic? how did you renew without an office address?

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