You know, they spend about 15 years of your life telling you that having sex will get you pregnant rather quickly, and maybe even some activities that don't quite qualify as real sex.
So you spend about 5-10 years of your life paying $30/month for birth control (you're paying for it because you don't want it showing up on your parent's insurance even after you're a junior in college and living with your boyfriend, which your parents know about). Or maybe you don't like/can't tolerate hormones, so you spend a fortune on condoms, or a ton of energy charting your cycles along with some nail-biting at the end of each month until your period does in fact show up.
All of this social conditioning adds up to one thing: I am SHOCKED that I am not instantly pregnant the first month that I actually want to be. Despite knowledge of the statistics, I am more disappointed than I have a right to be. I guess that I thought that since I am still young (25) and presumably fertile and had well-researched medical inside info on when to time everything, that it would be a very simple matter to get preggers during month #1. Gee, I studied for the test, I did everything right, and I still didn't pass...
Like many of you, I am a bit of a control freak, and it surprises me when I can't even control something as intensely personal as my own body. I guess this is life's way of teaching me patience with uncertainty and loss of control. Keep your fingers crossed for me for next month! :crossfingers:
Working at an urgent care center starting this week. They don't open until NINE!
So, you know that previous hormone-inspired rant? Well, you see, it wasn't actually based on Aunt Flo arriving, but rather feeling EXACTLY like I do right before she arrives at just the right time plus a negative pregnancy test.
Well, she never showed up, and today the test was positive.....
Pregnant. I have trouble writing that word, let alone saying it out loud to people. Preg-nant. I made DH call everyone, including both of my parents. Everyone except my stepmother is very supportive and thrilled. She'll come around. She wasn't keen on the idea of me getting married "so young" either. I'm glad everyone is pleased, but it is a little annoying to me to have the same conversation with 50 people. "I feel fine, yes we're excited, it's due late august/early september, yes really, I feel fine."
I'm usually a very private person, and my personal problems get discussed with DH and maybe one girlfriend. I'm not one of those women that calls her entire address book when there's an issue. So, it's very disquieting to me to have to spread the word to the world, especially when the topic is my body. I know it's their news too, and everyone is excited for us, but it's kind of overwhelming.
On the upside, I haven't thrown up yet. I do feel EXHAUSTED all the time, and I called in sick today for the first time in years. I didn't even skip class during years 1 & 2 with the exceptions of my wedding, and one very neccessary trip to Punxsutawney, PA for groundhog day.
I'm on my ambulatory/Family practice rotation right now, and I'm exceedingly glad to have weekends off. I'm still working 12 hour days sometimes at the urgent care (9- but other than lecture I get mondays off too. The 9-8 work hours are annoying though, and actually make me appreciate the hospital's 6-6 hours. On to actual family practice next week, which hopefully will have the first glimpse of normal hours that I've had all year. I am getting some procedures this month though (sewing, abcesses, setting bones, etc.) so I can't complain that much.
Time for my daily phone call from my father reminding me not to drink. Thanks dad, they didn't teach me that in medical school. Think I should stop the heroin too?
I've been rotating through an FP's office near my hometown. I move in with my mom during the week (This is good: she does my laundry, she cooks. This is also bad: I will always be in need of mothering to her and her "helpful suggestions" are straining my polite smile skills.) and I drive the hour and a half back home on the weekends. It's hard being apart from DH. :boggled:
Here's what the past two months of ambulatory medicine have taught me: I am utterly bored by clinic based medicine. Now let's recap: Drey is bored by the OR. Drey is bored by the clinic. Let's see now.....that makes Drey an ER doc (or a hospitalist). Since that's pretty much what I thought I would like going into this, it's not a life-changing revelation for me, but it is nice to have my preferences confirmed.
I had one patient that just made me shake my head this week. This was a nice 60ish gentleman who I had joked with for maybe 10 minutes about quitting smoking. After his adamant (but smiling) refusal to consider the idea, I commented "well, I guess everybody's got to die of something." He said "no, that's not true." Taken aback, I asked him why not. Turns out he firmly believes that the second coming of Jesus is going to be in his lifetime, and that many people are in fact going to be taken up whole to heaven rather than dying. I was speechless. It's hard to talk about preventative medicine with someone who thinks he's going to be raptured. Ah well. I told him I hoped for his sake it happened in the next 40 years.
We had our first ultrasound on monday, which was just amazing to me. Since I don't even feel very different, it's kind of shocking to have visual confirmation that there is indeed some sort of baby-shaped parasite growing inside me. The downside was that I found out I'm a week behind where I thought I was, so the due date got pushed back a week. Not good news for a very impatient person. I suppose if medical school didn't teach me patience, there's little hope that an infant will.
A depressing factoid: I am paying $85 per day for medical school. Even on days I don't work. Ugh. Some day, I WILL get paid for this, I swear. Won't I? The way politics are smelling these days, I'm not sure. I suppose they'll always need MCAT physics teachers....
Well, I still don't look pregnant, but I do look fat. None of my jeans fit, but I'm not quite ready for maternity clothes. I did end up buying a bella-band (thanks BabyEinstein) and it has definitely helped me keep wearing my dress clothes. I went shopping with my Aunt last weekend and did buy a bunch of maternity clothes, but I haven't worn them yet. I'm at such an in-between state right now, and I feel like if I put on maternity clothes, there's no going back.
We also bought a few baby things. Stuff has been trickling in. I swapped my Step 1 prep materials for a baby hiking carrier and a Baby Bjiorn, which I thought was a great trade, and so did the M1 I swapped with. My dad sent me a Texas longhorns onsie with matching booties (orange with the longhorn logo on them). :goodvibes: My MIL has already agreed to come out with me for the month and watch baby. My husband (and hers) are very jealous.
I was on psychiatry consults this month, which has been very cool. We go see people who have been admitted to the medical units but still have psych issues. It's sad too though, because you see people with horrible medical conditions that are suicidally depressed, and you also see the people that tried to commit suicide and actually did a fairly good job of it and are now regretting it. (People who just destroyed their liver with tylenol for example). My team has been great, although it's a little odd, since both my resident and my attending are fairly young single women and talked about dating a lot. I felt a little out of place being younger than them, married for 2 1/2 years and working on kid #1.
Neurology ward service is up next, starting Monday. Thus ends my 3 month stretch of having weekends off. sigh... it was nice while it lasted.
Neurology was depressing. Lots of great diagnoses, next to nothing in terms of treatments. My senior resident on neuro found out she was pregnant during at the beginning of that month, so we both took a lot of good-natured harassment from the rest of our mostly-male team.
On to pediatrics now, which I'm not a huge fan of. There's a lot of busy work and checking up on you all the time (you can tell they're used to working with small children). We also have to write a literature review on a clinical question in pediatrics. Sigh, I haven't had to write a paper since junior year of college.....Any suggestions?
I've decided that I'm going to take step 2 immediately after this pediatrics rotation (My LAST ROTATION OF THIRD YEAR!!!) which may not be the wisest plan, since I'll only get about a week to study for it, plus whatever I can cram in on the weekends/evenings the month before while also studying for my pediatrics exam. Luckily my peds exam is a in-house exam, not a shelf board, so that should help. I figured it was either now or after baby, and I chose now. Wish me luck.
In other news, I failed my glucose screening test, and the three-hour glucose tolerance test as well, which makes me officially diabetic. I've been trying to get a glucose meter for about a week, and am about ready to start shipping dead animals to my insurance company. I can't use my grocery pharmacy because my insurance doesn't cover anything but the student health pharmacy. Well, it's Friday, and they don't open until Monday. Okay, fine, I rush there on Monday because of course, they're open from 8:30-5:00PM only. "Oh, we don't carry glucose meters here. We'll have to order you one." GRRRRRRR
In still other news, DH is quitting his job in September and going back to school full time so that he can finish his masters at the same time I finish my degree. It gives him more time with the baby and allows us both a clean breaking point, so I think it's a good decision. What it doesn't help with is the financial situation. Oh well, what's another $5K in loans, right?