Today is the last day of my third year of medical school. Somehow I feel like my mom should be here to take pictures or something, just like she did for my first day of kindergarten, last day of kindergarten, and first grade....and yes, high school too. If you had told my teenage self (who was going to go into international business) that I would be married, most of the way through medical school, and 28 weeks pregnant at this point in my life, she would have laughed at you until she cried.
I have enjoyed my outpatient month in pediatrics, and I have been almost panicky about learning EVERYTHING I can this month, since OHMIGOD, I'm going to have my OWN BABY to take care of soon, and WHATIFSOMETHINGGOESWRONG!?!?!! I'm seriously considering ordering one of those big expensive pediatrics textbooks just for my own reference, even though I'm not going into peds. A $250 textbook is part of the "baby essentials," right?
Anyways, speaking of baby, they put me on insulin shots. :boggled: No thanks, I'll pass.
So, I'm seriously considering doing a dual residency in EM/IM. The program is five years, and only offered a few places. I really like both specialties but I wonder what I would actually do with all that training, and whether it wouldn't be better to just do EM and finally start making a paycheck earlier. I guess all of us that take these long paths through medicine get so used to being in training, that the idea of being out on my own, NOT in training is scary. We also like learning, and take self-satisfaction in knowing that we have the best training available, which for me might be a dual residency. Which temptation is the right one for me? The one to be finally done and ready to move on to the next chapter in my life, or the temptation to continue my studies until I have reached the "top" in my mind. The dilemma of the chronic overachiever. . . :scratchchin:
In other news, they let me into AOA. Funny, my mom did want to come up and take pictures of that, but I wouldn't let her.
Next hurdle: Boards next weekend, then the match. It never ends.
Last night I worked the 11pm-7am shift in the ER. It was a crazy night, but great fun. About 30 min after I got there, the proverbial shi+ really started hitting the fan. The following cases all arrived within 30 min of each other:
1) Man found unresponsive after a minor car accident found to have a head bleed taking up most of his L hemisphere and starting to herniate, which ended up with the attending neurosurgeon coming down to the ED and drilling holes in his head right there.
2) Transfer from an outside hospital of a man with a dissecting aortic aneurysm that had separated all the way from his carotids to his iliacs. Very impressive CT scan, pulseless legs and bp 260/110. Surprisingly awake and talking to us. That ended up with the vascular surgery and cardiothoracic surgery attendings escorting him personally upstairs to the OR.
3) A prisoner who had managed to self-inflict 15 or so long lacerations all over his extremeties right down to the fascia using the broken off edge of a spoon :yes: I've been dropping hints to my OB about inducing me that day, but he just doesn't seem to be catching on, or maybe he's just pretending to ignore me. Oh well, I guess you can't control everything.
I'm really really ready to be done being pregnant. I'm fat, I'm ugly, and even the maternity pants are a bit tight now. One thing that really bothers me is my swollen ankles. I never even knew I liked my ankles until they got all swollen and ugly. You'd think that would be a minor issue, but for someone with 30 or 40 pairs of shoes in her closet, it's frustrating to feel like you don't want anyone looking at your feet. (I know, I know, who the heck is looking anyways, but still. ) Also, on the topic of shoes, I would really like to be able to wear my high heels again. Swollen ankles plus migratory center of gravity = no heels, not even baby ones. I always knew I wouldn't be able to wear my own clothes during pregnancy, but no one told me I'd have to give up the beloved shoes too. For some reason this makes me irrationally annoyed.
Also, while I'm excited about baby showing up, I'm having those second thoughts that I'm sure every first-time mom has at about this point. I find myself thinking about things like spontaneous dinners out at the trendy wine-and-cheese joint down the street, reading to myself for an entire afternoon, random road trips to visit friends, and double showers with DH (TMI, I know, sorry). Are these things going to take a 18-year hiatus come September? Will baby really be enough to compensate for losing these small parts of my self? I sure hope so.
Meanwhile, I'm incredibly far behind on things like applying for the match, and even though I love the ER, (I'm at the children's hospital ER this month), I need a vacation. So does DH, since he's trying to tie things up at work, start training for his TA job in the fall, pass a ridiculously hard math class and get a proposal for his masters thesis rolling.
Okay, enough whining. Must write personal statement. :tired:
The waiting game must be the hardest part for everyone during their first pregnancy. I feel like my whole life is on hold until baby shows up. The constant phone calls from family and friends "just to check in and say hi" don't fool me. They all want to know when the baby is showing up, as if I wouldn't call them if I had any information to share.
Attention all onlookers: "Wow, you must be about ready to pop!" is not only unneccessary, it is unkind. Also, I don't want to hear about how awful your labor was. I don't want your advice on how I should go through labor (epidurals, drugs, c-sections, or how evil and manipulative doctors are ). Thanks.
Children's ER is at least interesting and keeping me busy while I wait. We get a lot of non-problems and primary care type stuff, and a surprising amount of abdominal pain due to constipation and kids refusing to poop. But, becasue we're a major children's hospital, we also get poisoning overdoses, near drownings, new onset DKA, and major truama in kids, which breaks up the monotony of the URI's. I also never realized before how challenging it is to sew up a laceration on a screaming toddler.
They're going to let me ride on the MedFlight helicopter tomorrow,which I am very much looking forward to.
It's 4AM and I can't sleep. :tired: I've been up since 2:30 actually. Last night I had problems falling asleep only to be wide awake again at 6. The insomnia may be because I just can't get comfortable, but I think that the more likely explanation is that I'm going to have a C-section on Friday (which is, um, tomorrow). I am deeply disappointed about not being able to have a "normal" birth, and I am terrified of surgery. I've never had surgery of any kind before. The first surgery I ever scrubbed in on was a C-section, and I remember thinking what a brutal, messy surgery it was.
I want to see my daughter (yes, it's a girl ) more than anything, but I did not want it to be this way. I came across a good essay on the subject here:
My father is flying in tomorrow from TX (I don't want to know what that plane ticket must have cost, since I didn't know the date of the C-section until yesterday). My mother is driving up, and my mother-in-law is here until Monday. Honestly, I don't want all these people here. :boggled: :crossfingers: :grouphug: