× Women in Medicine Blogs & Diaries

Class 2008, Married, Intermittent baby fever...

13 years 2 months ago #68616 by crabbygirl
Today was a very laid back day. I am using this extra time to do some reading. I have been reading about having a baby, etc., and some of the stuff is sort of scary. We had the realization today that if we have a baby, it will be a teenager one day. :p As if that isn't obvious, but we didn't really consider it.
If we're going to have a baby, we are just going to have to conceive it soon or I'm going to change my mind. Seriously, about once a day I have a "we can't have a kid, that's CRAZY" moment.

I have been investigating residency programs once again online. It will be an exciting time to see where we get sent. Fortunately, that will be quite a while from now for us, especially if I split my junior year.
We are supposed to get a winter storm here tomorrow - I am guessing we will get some sleet. My palm trees I have on the patio are going to die, I just know it. But they grew too much to bring inside.
LOL, I'm really babbling now. Oh well, I guess that's what blogs are for.

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13 years 2 months ago #68617 by crabbygirl
Fall seems to have officially turned to winter here.
The leaves have fallen off the trees, and we are expecting some icy weather tonight. I cannot believe tomorrow is the first day of December.

I need to get out of the house. The weather has been so nasty, I have just stayed home today.

I'm completely making myself crazy now. Thinking of new things to worry about. I have to stop this. I need to see my therapist :rotfl:

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13 years 2 months ago #68618 by crabbygirl
I have been trying to get more info about this whole having a baby thing. I just am not 100% sure it is a good idea for us now. We are going to wait another cycle and see how we feel. Maybe I will have some epiphany on the beach. LOL.
Anyways, today was a good day. I spent a lot of time with my sweet husband. :)

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13 years 2 months ago #68619 by crabbygirl
It's starting to make sense
I had a revelation today! For most of the time, I have been completely ambivalent about us having a baby - just going back and forth. There are some days where I am pretty sure it is the right time, and we should go for it, though those days are few. However, I also have some days where I just cannot even fathom having a child, and I wonder where I ever got the idea in the first place.
Yesterday and today are those types of days.
I got to thinking about it, and I realized a few weeks ago, I was feeling like, "We definitely shouldn't have a kid now." So, I looked back at some of the old posts in my blog, and AHAH (!) on November 13, here's what I posted:

The Big Decision
After much soul-searching, head-scratching and all sorts of deep-thinking, my husband and I finally came to a decision.

We have decided not to try to conceive at this point. Neither one of us feel quite right about it. So we are going to put off having a family.

I feel relieved, like a weight has been lifted off of me. There are so many things that I want and need to do before I have a baby.

We made a list of all the reasons to TTC now, not to TTC now, and what we'd do if we didn't TTC now. It really helped us think through it.

See? And on Nov 14:

Morning After the Decision
I woke up feeling much more relaxed. I was really worried about how to make the whole baby thing work... I think I have been daydreaming about a baby as an escape from all the stress here.

One day, we will have a family. Of course, infertility with increasing age is a concern. But if we decide not to have a child while in residency, we can try later. We are also very highly interested in adopting a child.

What's the point? Well, I looked at my charts on www.fertilityfriend.com and on those days mentioned above I was in the "green egg" and "yellow egg" part of my chart, meaning that it was the day before my predicted ovulation and the day of my predicted ovulation.
And this cycle? Yep, I'm once again in the green egg part of my chart.
Why am I getting these strong "dont have a baby now" feelings when I am most fertile?
Message from God? Un-conscious birth control?

I don't know the answer. But we're not TTC this time around. :p

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13 years 2 months ago #68620 by crabbygirl
Oh my God, we just visited my in-laws and they make me crazy. There were also small kids there. I realized that I am so glad we are not planning on having a kid anytime soon. I was exhausted after seeing their mother trying to get them to eat lunch. I am not sure I have that sort of patience at this point in my life.

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