Today was better - I got one surgery exam out of the way. One more to go, and I am FREE FROM SURGERY. I cannot express how happy that makes me.
My mom seems to be doing better today, and I am ready to go see her again soon. I am impressed with her doctor's management of her pain. At the public hospital affiliated with my school, the pain management post-op is near inhumane.
It is finally cooling off here, and I cannot believe it is already nearing the end of October. The time since July has flown by. I have the feeling that before I know it, my third year will have passed by.
That also means that I need to start making some decisions with my husband about trying to have a baby. I am not sure if I should try to have a baby early in the 4th year, or in the middle. I have even thought of doing some research in the lab I am already planning on working in some next year exclusively for some time. Like taking off from school for a bit just to spend time with a baby and do some research. That would not let me graduate til 2009.
But my gut tells me to just get it all done on time. A psych residency has decent hours, and I think it could be done.
So, I have been reading some of the blogs and other posts on this site, and I have to wonder: will I be content being a mother and a physician? Should I just choose one?
I really want to be a mother. I know I will be a good physician. I am just so afraid of missing something special that my child does or being unable to meet a need they have.
My husband was able to talk to his boss today about us having a baby eventually. He said he really thought it would be fine for my husband to work from home and only come in a day or two a week. His boss was really stressing how important family is, and how his own career and accomplishments are not as meaningful as his son.
I feel like it would work out for us. For my husband to stay home with the baby during my first year of residency. But would I be so sad that I was missing something?? :confused:
I stayed overnight at the hospital with my mom. I didn't get much sleep.
She is doing very well, though. She is really getting up and around, and is starting to get her color back in her face.
Her doctor was asking me what I want to do, meaning, what specialty I will choose. I didn't tell him Psych. I typically get an unpleasant or weird reaction from people when I say that it interests me. I cannot totally figure out why. If it is someone I don't know, I just say "I'm not sure."
I KNOW 100% that I do not want to be a hospitalist. I really do not enjoy inpatient primary care type stuff. I enjoy clinic and I enjoyed my Peds rotation.
I would really like to stay in my current city for my residency so that my husband can work from home and watch the baby.
Tomorrow I start my internal medicine rotation. I think it will be a good experience - much more enjoyable than surgery.
My mom fell in the hospital today and hit her head. She had to get stitches for it. I didn't find out until this afternoon. It makes me so sad - she has been through so much since May, and this is just one more source of pain for her.
I wish that I could stay with her the entire time, and make sure she is okay. I hate leaving her in the hospital in care of strangers. I want her to get better and be able to go home soon.
She had a serious problem that took her doctor 5 months to diagnose. She lost 70lbs in 4 months, and was malnourished because she could not keep food down. After a surgical consult for a J-tube, the surgeon diagnosed her on the first appointment with a high grade small bowel obstruction. She required two weeks of TPN and multiple blood transfusions to be strong enough for the operation. Her hair is falling out and she is becoming bald.
The surgeon said that some sort of inflammatory process caused the bizarre condition of her small bowel - he had never seen anything like it.
I am so ready for her to be herself again - happy, bright, beautiful, colorful. Not the pale, sick, weakened woman she has become...
On a tangent, I realize that I often get a restless feeling when I am not at the hospital. Although I often so look forward to leaving at the end of the day, I get home and feel strange. I feel lonely. All day, I am interacting with so many people, and learning all about them. Then I come home, and feel lonely.
My husband and I have a great relationship, but it feels like there is something missing. I have less people in my life than ever before. In college, I had so many friends, but now, I have just a few.
Maybe this is one of the reasons that I want to have a baby now. I see that my husband and I are loving people who will be great parents.
I do not know why I am typing this - I guess because I feel sad this evening after hearing of my mom's fall in the hospital. It made me so sad to hear about it that I cried on the phone when I called to check on her, but she said "I have to go, I have visitors," and she basically cut me off and hung up.
The nurse than is running our out-patient internal medicine is such a jerk. She is so lazy and pretty much useless. She constantly goes behind the doctor's back and makes up things. I am not sure what she actually does for a job, because she just sits behind the desk at the front of the clinic and yells out our names to do menial tasks.
Unfortunately, someone gave her the job to orient us to clinic, but she was too lazy to do it, and she gets angry if we ask her questions or cannot read her mind.
If it wasn't for her, clinic would be great. We have a great attending.
Today one of my patients told me I was overweight. He had recently lost some weight of his own, and felt it was okay to point out my excess pounds.
My mother's nausea has increased and her headache is excruciating. The doctor finally decided to get a head CT to make sure she didn't damage anything when she fell and hit her head.
Sometimes, I wish I would have read medical studens' and residents' blogs before I got caught all up in this craziness that is medicine.
Around 9pm last night, my mom got her head CT. The results of the head CT showed a big subdural hematoma. So she was air-lifted from their local hospital to the big one in my city.
We were at the hospital til 3am, waiting to see her after her admission to their SICU. They actually took her temp and found she had a high fever. WHERE THEY NOT DOING THIS AT THE OUTSIDE HOSPITAL???
We talked with a neurosurgeon last night who wanted to remove the hematoma, but her fever was troublesome. A head CT was repeated this morning, as well an abdominal CT.
The abdominal CT showed she has a big abscess, which is the likely fever source.
The head CT showed no changes in the hematoma from the previous night.
However, through out the day, my mom had a high fever and altered consciousness. She was definitely not herself.
And she has a left arm that does not work at all - no motor or sensory. The left side of her mouth is droopy and her speech is somewhat slurred.
It is awful. We waited til 6pm for her abscess to get drained. Hopefully tonight her fever will go away, and she will feel better.
Her craniotomy will be tomorrow if her fever is gone and the neurosurgeon feels okay about preceding.
This experience has been a nightmare - she was doing so well until she slipped in the hospital and got a subdural hematoma. I just pray to God the neurological deficits will not be permanent or even lasting beyond her surgery.
I am scared, and tired. And I am ready for her to be my mom again, and to be okay.
I missed school today - my clerkship director was fine and sympathetic, as was my attending, but the Evil Nurse interrogated my colleages (classmates) as to when i would return.