× Women in Medicine Blogs & Diaries


10 years 6 months ago #68625 by AmiraMD
Hello everyone,
I just found this forum yesterday and I wish I found it years ago. I am starting medical school in 19 days and I am still unsure if I am doing the right thing or not. Unlike all of you, I am going to an offshore medical school because I totally gave up on schools in the US. MCAT was a killer and the more and better I study for it the worse my score gets. I just lost it and decided to go outside the country. Well, I should be happy that at least I got in a medical school after all but the problem is my school is not accredited by all 50 states. In other words, it's banned by California but approved in IL, NY, FL, and other states. My DH tells me not to worry because we are not going to live in CA anyway and that as long as the school is approved where we live then it's all good. I contacted few students who graduated from school and are competing their residency now, and I was just surprised to hear how they just love the school... Those students aced their board exams and were able to get residencies at good hospitals in the US...but...I am just scared.
I know you girls might say, take some time off and retake the MCAT and apply to med schools in state...but quite frankly I am exhausted by the rejection.
I started with a quite complicated life in this country. Although I was granted admission and full tuition to a medical school in my native country, I decided to reject it and come to the US for multiple reasons mainly because of family. Back then, my family was able to pay my outrageous out of state fees, but that stopped at some point...I was able to pull few scholarships from here and there, work as math and science tutor at school to help with the tuition but even that wasn’t enough and I simply never had the courage to work under table.
All of my relatives who are living in the US are citizens either by naturalization or born here except ME!! So they could never really relate to me. I got depressed, money stopped flowing, I couldn't work because of my visa status, was emotionally exhausted from a failed relationship and had no clue what to do with my life. Mother advised me to get back to the country but I had no degree in pocket but med pre-req done...and of course had no future back home because of differences in system education. Either you make it to college right after high school or you never do in your life.
At one point, I found myself struggling all alone with no family around to help...basically I was thrown to the street and I had to figure out what to do with my life. With little help from an aunt and uncle transferred to a 4 year university private to finish up my bachelor's in Biology. To cover up the expenses I got a loan (after so much begging and crying to have a relative co-sign b/c of my status in the country) Well, I failed almost all of my classes and got okay and bad grades first and second semester. I was extremely depressed and isolated... Although I had some great friends around they never really provided me with the help I needed to get on my feet and pass my classes... I was lost, confused, depressed, and all I was doing is sleeping and sleeping (BTW sleeping was caused by a deficiency I had in my body but didn’t find out about it until 3 years later). Being a straight A student almost entire life and lead of tutoring department in my previous community college and suddenly failing any class I take was not only shocking but very hard to accept. The problem is that I used to study but would still fail…I freak out and lose confidence in myself.
Moreover, my status as an international student in the country didn't allow me to apply to most medical schools in the country because of their admission requirement to be US resident or American citizen...so that and everything else depressed me to death and no I never thought about committing suicide because it's against my religious beliefs.
So, first year went by and I had to go for another semester at school in order to get my bachelor's. My co-signer relative was crazy mad when I told her I had one sem to go and I needed money. She called me all sort of names to put me down...mainly how I am such a loser for not completing my degree in one year because of tight money and how I am such a lazy bone and even threatened to deport me. So once again I found myself with the world against me. My family called a war against me...and I knew why. I dated a guy for 2 years and because we didn't end up getting married, I have brought shame to the family so to speak according to our religious beliefs and stuck up culture. I also rejected marriage from an American, MD student, who was in love with me and wanted to help me out…they called me stupid for that! I cried and begged for forgiveness... All I needed really was a shoulder to cry on and an emotional support because I had lost total confidence in myself and all I was excelling at is failing classes and life in general.
Against, everybody's will I went back to school without a single penny in the pocket. Lived in the dorm with a good friend, who shared her food with me, pulled a job at the library to feed myself, and started going for counseling at school. (Friends rolled an eye at this decision, and gossiped so much about me) Although counseling didn't help much but my academic advisor was a great support for me. She brought hope and life to my dead heart to start fighting for my dream of becoming a doctor. I knocked on every department at school for financial help but I used to get the same answer from everybody: school doesn't have enough funding for international students...yeah; I was handicapped by this label of international student.
Well long story short, I passed classes and was able to graduate...yeah I walked alone and there were no family members cheering for me. Not to mention, my tuition was still unpaid. After graduation, I managed to get work permit for one year. I hoped to pay off my debt and study well for the MCAT...alas it was just a hope but never happened. I found myself working in a field with HS graduates, made okay money, but gave it all to a relative who paid my tuition for last semester and with whom I was living. I used to work 10 hours sometimes more, reach home around 1 am wake up at 7 to help around the house, cook, clean, baby sit, and then go to work. No time to study for the MCAT after my first 2 failed attempts as an undergrad.
During that year, I met my husband, married him and moved out of state. It was a relief because I could finally start breathing for the first time in my 6 years in this country. I didn't have to get humiliated on a daily basis by family or work for them as a maid. I had other things to worry about this time. I worked at malls and did all sort of jobs were available to make loan payments. Meanwhile I studied for my MCAT more than any time before but ended up doing horribly.

So one day, I looked at the mirror, and said to myself: Enough is enough I’m 23 years old (soon to be 24 "now I am"), no decent job in health field, no great MCAT score, why not give it a shot to an offshore school?! Which I did by the way and got in...So we'll see how it goes.
Thank God, I am blessed with a wonderful educated husband, who has been so supportive to me...without him I could have never made it anywhere.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

10 years 6 months ago #68626 by AmiraMD
No more medical school for me. I just found out today that school's loan is sort of suspended now with no exact date on when they will start processing it. I obviously cannot pay tuition out of pocket and cannot apply for federal loan either for some reasons because school is not accredited by Cali Board or something like that.
I just feel so horrible and I have been crying like a crazy this morning.

I can study all over again for the MCAT try to do better and get in a local school or an accredited offshore but for God's sake when is this cycle going to end??? I am 24 years old and I am not getting any younger...God help me..

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

10 years 5 months ago #68627 by AmiraMD
Change of plan again and at the last minute. Yep, I am starting medical school next week for sure this time. Part of me is happy because I am finally starting and the other part is not because I was sort of forced to make that decision. So I leave it at this point.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: TexasRoseefex101
Time to create page: 0.166 seconds
Find us on Facebook!
Find us on Twitter!
Find us on Pinterest!