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To Follow the Heart or the Head...that is the Question!

13 years 11 months ago #68639 by kitty13
Well today was a very productive day! I woke up around 1030am, which is usually late for me, but I was up for a couple hours in the middle of the night… as my last post notes. Anyways, I went to Target and bought 3 - 32 gallon plastic containers to put tons of stuff away into storage in our basement. I went back to bed for about 30 minutes with my husband. We got up and I started cleaning while he studied. I got tons of dusting done, vacuuming, and organizing. Mostly it was one huge closet we have, but I still threw away 3 trash bags of junk. It feels good…. Oh and I have 3 large shopping bags of stuff to give to a local women’s shelter here, mostly clothes, shoes and bags.

OK so here is my latest thought on my future. I want to get a DO because I want to learn as much as I can and I would also like to know as much as I can when treating my patients. I would also like the opportunity to practice in any area of medicine I choose. But I am scared of the residency. I am scared of what this may mean for my marriage and of what this could mean when wanting to have children. I am not sure how I feel about having children right now, but I am 24. My marriage is OK now, but I am not sure my husband could handle me being away for so many hours. I am afraid we would grow apart. For all those who have been through residencies, how do you make it work? I think we will be in a different place in 6 years when I would be graduating so it is hard to tell right now how we will work it out....

If I decide to do the PA, I think I will always wonder if I should have gone to med school.

Oh well…. The dilemma continues….. :rolleyes:

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13 years 11 months ago #68640 by kitty13
Yesterday I had my first volunteer day as a cuddler. I loved it!!! :crossfingers:

When I was holding the babies yesterday I was also thinking about the parents. There were photos of the parents in the cribs. Both of the babies were twins (from different families), but the healthier of the two. The parents looked older and I couldn’t help but wonder if they had waited to have children to pursue careers and then used invitro, and had twins as a result. I wanted to know how they felt now—if they wished they had tried earlier and had healthier babies…. I am not passing judgment on them, but just wondering what may be going through their minds. :scratchchin:

I guess I am not scared of residency for me… I think I can handle the work and the hours and handle it well. I have a lot of energy and stamina. As I mentioned I am worried about growing apart from my husband. And what it may mean when I want to have children. I had an ectopic when I was 18. This increases my chances for another ectopic and I might only have one side working properly. I plan to address this issue with my OB/GYN as soon as I can get my medical records and find out exactly what happened during the surgery. They said they did not need to take the fallopian tube out, but I am not sure how well it works.

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13 years 11 months ago #68641 by kitty13
I have been reading TexasRose’s blog and I have been realizing one thing. She doesn’t try to have everything figured out in advance like I am trying to do. She just makes things work as they come up. It is really inspiring. I am feeling stronger and stronger about medicine every day.

My husband loves to tell me about his days at school since this is his first full time semester in 5 years (since he was 20 back in Europe). I am really proud of him because he has to get over hurdles that other 18 year olds don't. Then I remembered when I started my insurance job, I was supposed to study for exams. I wanted to be a good wife and found myself very conflicted. He always encouraged me to study study study….. I know he would do the same if I were in med school. He also told me last night that he is OK with the med school loans because I will one day have a job that will pay for these loans (hopefully)…

I now know that I don't need all the answers now. We will find our way and make it work. Things will happen as they are supposed to and just to take it one day at a time. I really admire TexasRose’s upbeat nature… it is something I need to try more of now and again….

Isn’t life supposed to be a journey to enjoy rather than just focusing on the destimation?

I like what she wrote in her blog about mistakes: What matters are not the mistakes you make, but what you do afterwards that counts! I think this will be my theme. I feel like I made a mistake in the college I chose, in the major I chose and in the job I chose. However, I can take each of those experiences and look at it as if it got me to where I am today… and I need to be thankful for that. Maybe if I continued on the med school track right from the start I would always wonder if I made the right decision. If I get into med school, I will know for sure that it was right for me.

Time to sign off and finish chem. homework. I got an A on my last exam, by the way!!! :hyper:

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13 years 11 months ago #68642 by kitty13
I was reading the post by AnnaM on the General Discussion forum about “living with regret”. She said that if people on this sight can read all the negatives and still pursue medicine, they have enough passion to get them through all the bull. I feel really good about that. I have been reading a lot of blogs and posts and a lot of them are negative/realistic I have to say. But I still feel really strongly about medicine and every time I walk into the hospital for my volunteering, etc., I get goose bumps.

I guess when I start my clinical research job I will have more of a reality check, and if I can withstand it, I will know for sure that medicine is right for me, even though I already feel like it is……

I want to say thanks to all the women here for the encouraging words and the “reality check”. At least I will be prepared and won’t be blind sided! LOL

I have also started to read “On Call” again by Dr. Transue. I have read this once before. I think she gives a very candid account of how her first years were in IM residency, but she is also a great writer. I would recommend this to any pre-meds out there—or even if you have already gone through it!

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13 years 11 months ago #68643 by kitty13
I gave my notice at work last Friday. :D I have to say it finally feels good to come clean. I haven’t told my supervisor about my medical school endeavors, but he knows I am going to work for a hospital, so I am sure he will guess that I will be moving in that direction. I have only 4 weeks left at this job and I am counting the days. I think it will be a challenge to take such a pay cut but I am sure my husband and I will manage. I hope we will manage! :eek:

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13 years 11 months ago #68644 by kitty13
So I am writing from cube-land again with only 3.5 weeks left to go—YAY!!! :guilty:

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