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When you don't choose medicine....

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14 years 7 months ago #68761 by mommd2b
I'm feeling more optimistic today in regards to career/professional goals. I'm not sure how, but I've managed to pull back from feeling badly about the choice to not pursue medicine again and try and am considering options for me to find fulfillment with what I have available to me here again....I'm back to pondering the PsyD or PhD psych option and am able to say to myself "in 5 years, I will..." again.

Summer started here right at about the time my lowpoint hit. I think that this definitely had something to do with it. Our weather was lousy and just having all 4 kids running about again made me feel both tied down and useless. Truly, for the most part, I'm just sitting here. Even my 18 month old pretty much just wants to hang out with his siblings. I am really secondary here. At the same time, when anyone gets hurt, needs lunch or just wants to talk to me...I'm here. It seems like a lot to give up though. I know that the kids would have a blast at KidStop or at a sitter's house. I am staying home more for me than for them and I know that. It's just, I didn't imagine that it would mean that I would spend the day surfing online, cleaning the kitchen (and avoiding folding laundry) and generally speaking being quite bored.

On a family level, we made the choice to send our children next year to a new charter school opening up in the area. I liked the idea of 'year round' school because I think that 3.5 months of summer is insane. The all-year programs simply provide breaks at other times during the year. and then a 6-7 week summer break instead of the extended, forget-what-you-learned, long summer breaks.

We just got the schedule though for the next school year and now I find myself reconsidering. :guilty: The weather here is absolutely ridiculous...(at least to me :D ). Around late August and early September the leaves fall off of the trees..and by Halloween the kids usually have to wear winter coats under their costumes. We often don't have a white christmas, but it stays cold....and January and February are that....booger freezin' cold :p ..where no one (at least in this house) wants to step outside to go sledding etc. Actually, the snow is often to crunchy then for sledding.

We had 2 nice weeks in May (60's-70's) followed by another 2 weeks of rain and cold. This past week has been up and down with rain half of the days/sunny and 80 the other half. Summer is slowly coming and it's great to see the kids outside playing and having fun!

The schedule for this new school for next year is a Sept. 6th start and an end of the school year of July 21 :yikes: Yes...there are the requisite 3 week breaks inbetween...in November and February :yikes: No THANKS.

Forget the fact that community ed and summer rec programming are in June and July and that the kids would all have to miss out on those, I just don't understand the thinking here. Our kids should miss the best part of the year in order to have time off in November and February??? WTH?

I wrote to the director about this and his response was pretty much "the kids adjust fine to this new schedule...it is how they do it at other year round schools and how we will do it".

So I'm back to feeling stuck. I simply don't want to deprive my children of a summer..Why the heck couldn't they make summer start the first or second week in June and go through the end of July and then start school early in August? It just makes sense.

I can't send my oldest on to middle school next year here with all of the teasing...PLUS I already told the superintendent how disgusted I was with how badly the schools handled this and that we would 'not' be back. I can't afford private schools for 3 children.....so what is left? Homeschooling? Someone just go ahead and shoot me now then, because I honestly don't think 1. that I Could do it and 2. that it would be in ANY of our best interests for me to never have a break from the kids.

More of my negative blogging, I guess. Someone pass the community prozac! :D

kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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14 years 7 months ago #68762 by mommd2b
It's been several days since I updated my blog...I guess I have just needed the time to get my head back on again. I have really struggled to adjust to having the kids home and I've missed having an outlet for myself. I start teaching again tomorrow morning and I'm eager to get out and be involved in something beyond laundry and children fighting, etc.

I have been feeling though that beyond a certain age....kids need to be in kidstop during the summer or something. :p Seriously, my oldest is so bored and lonely that he even was telling me he felt depressed. There are few friends around for him to play with and he basically just sits around all day. My daughter is also just a little wild and it's driving me nuts. I feel unable to trust her because I found out that instead of driving on her bike where I allowed her that she has been make some...pit stops..and then not being honest with me about it. I was so upset with her today that when dh came home I basically sat and cried that he needed to fork over the money to at least send her to kidstop. :banghead: I am feeling better about it now, but I was so upset with her all day. The truth is, the kids need to be playing with other kids and they need structure. I'm not an elementary school teacher and I guess I'm just not good at providing structure when I'm staring down an entire day.

I was reading the blogs and something also struck a cord with me...it's funny that we've picked up on opposite issues. Some of you are offended by those of us that choose not to go the med school route because of the hours and our own family situations. (please, please, if I have offended I apologize!)...Interestingly though, I have felt offended (I'm being hypersensitive, I know) by comments where some have said that they just couldn't be a sahm because they can't stand it and have to get out of the house. I am a sahm (for the most part), and I feel that way every other day, btw. :laughing: BUT, I feel that there is a veiled implication here that those of us who do choose to stay home or pick a path other than medicine must have enough brain cells missing that it doesn't bother us :footinmouth: and those who absolutely can't stay home another minute are simply smarter...better...

Ha...no issues here! :rolleyes:

Seriosly though, this is an issue that has sometimes had me feeling quite upset her and has put me on the defensive...sometimes the offensive. If I have offended anyone, I apologize. I wish we could all just be supportive of each other's choices. If I didn't feel people were looking down their noses at me (real or imagined) I doubt I would be quite so forceful about my own views.

Kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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14 years 7 months ago #68763 by mommd2b
I was having a really tough week...and there was alot of genuine real stress eating at me. At the same time, I realize that I was also exhausted. My oldest child was struggling with his sleep and my 18 month old has figured out how to climb out of his crib. Bedtime had gone from a 30 minute deal to an all-night affair. This includedhim now waking up in the middle of the night multiple times to climb out and play.

We were finally able to get my oldest back into the groove. I took him to his new school to meet his new teacher. This was a great help because he was able to talk to the teacher about the bullying from last year. His teacher reassured him that he doesn't allow bullying in the classroom under any circumstances and would be my son's advocate. It was good for all of us. That night, he slept from 8 pm to 10.30 am....like a rock...and has been doing well since then. We are still watching him and I know we're not completly 'out of the woods' yet..but things sure are better.

We also figured out that my youngest can't climb out of his pack-n-play and so that has become his new bed. Aaaahhhhh, SLEEP! It makes such an incredible differnce! I slept in Friday/Saturday and Sunday and I can't even begin to say the difference that I feel! I feel more upbeat and positive and able to face the day again.

I'm feel much better about where I'm at in my life and this is a good reminder to me...I need to make sure that I'm getting enough sleep. The day that I had my mini-melt-down I had had about 4 hours of sleep in two days because of all of the sleep shennanigans and the fact that I have to be on campus by 7am at the latest.

Kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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14 years 7 months ago #68764 by mommd2b
Wow...another night of sleeping! I actually woke up on my own this morning at 6am and ended up going for a 45 minute walk. I have decided to try some things to get myself into shape both physically and emotionally. I have really let myself go!

I gained a significant amount of weight with baby #1 (who is now 10 1/2) :guilty: and always thought that I would lose the weight. Instead...I am heavier now than after my pregnancy with baby #4. :no: I have a substantial amount of weight to lose....Lately, when I get out of bed, my feet are sore...and my knees have started making clicking sounds when I walk up the stairs. This really bothers me. I used to be in great shape and really take good care of myself.

I've tried every diet imaginable and though I had great luck last year with Atkins (I lost 30 pounds) I managed to gain a little more than 1/2 of it back because I just can't stick to the low-carb lifestyle. I ended up buying tons of low carb bake mixes, etc...and they all just are sitting in my cupboards. The issue for me is portion control and not binging when I'm feeling frustrated etc.

Instead of jumping on another diet bandwagon, I've decided to eat whatever I want...just in moderation. This won't be easy because I've gotten used to the super-size lifestyle, but I'm committed to at least trying. I think in general that becoming more active and trying to lose a little weight will make me feel better about myself.

I'm also contemplating my choices for the Fall...I am supposed to be working on developing a german language program for children for this area...and am considering turing the reigns over to someone else....I feel like I always have too much on my plate. I'd like to be able to focus on myself and my family without always feeling the need to achieve and do....

We had a really great weekend here. My oldest was at boyscout camp and he had a really good time...and the other kids played so nicely together while he was gone and then were so happy to see him. Hubby and I set up the badmitton net in the backyard and played like crazy all weekend....It was just...nice.

kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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14 years 6 months ago #68765 by mommd2b
It's been such a crazy week. My husband has been out of town and I've been on my own with my 4 munchkins. We've actually had a great week together, but I'm relieved that dh is on his way back!

I've been looking at more options for myself and am now considering PA school..I see many benefits to becoming a physician assistant, but my biggest hurdle (here it comes...my elitist thinking) is that I'm one of those blasted people who will wait two extra weeks for an appointment to see the *real* doctor. I've visited a lot of PA forums in the last few days and have seen the "HA..they said they wanted to see the *real* doctor so I changed the flag on the door to mean 'see this patient last'" and I was surprised. PAs are NOT real doctors. Physicians have more training, experience and in my opinion knowledge in many areas. If I do end up going to PA school, it will be with the understanding that I am a mid-level provider and that the physican is ultimately the person with the final say. I would never think that I am a replacement for a physician. I don't understand that kind of thinking.

I did have nurse midwives follow me through my pregnancies and even there at most of my deliveries, but there was also the understanding there that if things went wrong....the doc was in charge.

The biggest question in my mind (and the issue that my husband has brought up) is whether or not I would be comfortable taking a secondary role....especially if I ran into a bad doc....I don't know the answer to that...but I have to say that as a Master's level scientist my biggest problem was not feeling inferior to my PhD colleagues. I was also able to respect their knowledge and understand that my training was not as extensive as theirs. My problem was with their arrogance and rudeness towards me because of the fact that I *only* have an MS.

I believe that would be my biggest hurdle as a PA.

kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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14 years 6 months ago #68766 by mommd2b
It's been ages since I posted.

Typical Day for me right now:

1. Get up at 7.20am when the doorbell rings and the neighbor's daughter gets here for free childcare :mad: Fortunately, this little girl is going to stay with her Dad on Wed. night, so tomorrow is the last day.

2. 9.00am Get daughter to Dance Class

3. 10.30am take son to theater class and come home

4. noon...lunch time and the neighborhood shows up...usually that means that I have my 4, plus the child who is here every flippin' day, plus 4-6 other children.

I try desperately all afternoon to keep the neighborhood kids out of my house with limited success....They all jump in the pool and sneak in to use the bathroom, etc, dripping water everywhere. It's a freakin' mad house and I usually end up melting down and shrieking at everyone. :tired: :ouch:
So anyway, I finally ended up LOCKING my door so that no kids including my own could get into the house. The result? They rang the doorbell all afternoon: "I skinned my knee, I need water, waaah....he hit me, Can we get our Barbie..."

Need I go ON???

I'm tired, ladies...and no one..I mean NO ONE understands.


I need a vacation.

Kris

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

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