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NOT superwoman! messy midlife mommytrack md 1son 4grown steps 3grandbabies

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15 years 5 months ago #68905 by rs4
field day was rainy, noisy and in the gym. cute tug of war and two-kids-in-a-tee-shirt races.

last weekend we went to a relatives college graduation, which happened to be from/at the college where I graduated 25 years ago. I hadn't been back since, and it brought back layers and layers of experience. At one service, sat directly behind my long ago boyfriend...got to introduce him to my husb and son. He was the first man I ever wanted to sleep with... I would've married him in a flash, or is it easy to say that since it wasn't what he wanted. I felt so warm with good wishes for him, and so aware that my life looks more successful than his in a host of ways, dr, dr husb, solid marriage, great kid...he's had cancer, never married, sounds like a tough work career. 10 or 15 years ago I might have gloated! That sounds awful and couldn't be true!

My son is home sick with his second bout of strep throat, relapsed after one day off Penicillin. I don't even want to think about surgery(tonsils/adenoidectomy), but it may be what he needs. Was able to go in and see a couple of scheduled patients and hope to be back in the office day after tomorrow. Today it is Clifford and Magic School Bus and popsicles and tylenol...my little sweetie even said "thanks for taking care of me, mom" and apologized when he threw up in the bed! He is just the sweetest ever, even with that camel breath from being sick. :ouch:

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15 years 4 months ago #68906 by rs4
Memorial Day

My dad was in the army, during his med school, in the WWII years. He was just stateside. I hear these incredible #'s of how many WWII vets are dying each day (1100, 1500). My dad is 82, quite healthy, remarried after my mom died. I hope he stays around longer for my son, and for me.

Thursdays I see patients from 10 til 7, with a brief lunch break (read: time to scribble notes or else I'll be there till 8 PM). Sometimes those days are my favorites. Something about being in the groove with longstanding, hardworking patients. Something about how much less responsibility and guilt I feel as a physician then as a mother and wife. Something about the blessed structure of appointment times, and noone to call me for something when I go to pee! I can't even get into words the hopes and fears I have about my husband being more of the "Mr. Mom" in the future. I haven't yet been able to imagine him doing all the infrastructure and social work of running our household, but do imagine that I'd like to work a bit more.

So, just hired a 20 hour/week housekeeper. Have had someone just 4-5 hours/week and always feel behind. This woman will get groceries!!!!(my least favorite job) and cook a little (so we can have home cooked food even on those busy work or soccer nights), and REALLY dust all our bookshelves.

Summer schedule for my son (8 in June) feels so much easier this year. He can do the gameboy thing briefly during changeovers at my office. Am trading a day a week with one of my friends, each of us with 2 eight year olds one day and a day "off" ,which for me is a work day. I love beach time and pool time and wonder how much my kidlet needs of other activities.

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15 years 3 months ago #68907 by rs4
Our baby boy is EIGHT YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!
How cool is that. Hope the picture of all the kids with their Harry Potter lightning bolt forehead tattoos and black glasses and wands all doing a spell together turns out....Luckily had lots of adult hands at the bday with my husb and other parents. We had it at a beach, with a treasure hunt and water balloon toss and hardly any focus on the presents (yes!).

My husband has been out of town this week for an evidence based medicine meeting- I hope I can soak up some second hand. Most of the depression and bipolar algorithyms seem pretty basic, unless my brain is shorting out that day, which has been known to happen.

My office has been plagued with fleas from a passel of stray cats that loll underneath. (here on the gulf coast a lot of homes are on pilings). I got more calls in a half hour about one mornings flea infestation then I had ever gotten about a patient...kinda funny really. Now we are flea free and probably full of pesticides, guess there is no free lunch.

I had a good work day today. Busy but not too much paperwork. Lots of referrals for the kind of work I like the best :) which is multifaceted psychiatric evals and ongoing psychopharm and depth psychotherapy, with touches of legal work, substance treatment, couples therapy, and CMI(chronically mentally ill patients, often with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or comorbid problems, often with a history of childhood neglect and abuse). I can see the nonpsych types' eyes glazing over! But it is endlessly interesting.

I am a grateful woman, sending you :goodvibes: R

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15 years 2 months ago #68908 by rs4
hmmm....I got bumped off the active diaries for being a month and a day between postings. I am sure my large fan base was outraged and lost without me. Luckily I'm back, and impressed with Sethina again and knowing she somehow runs this website and knows how to get the technology, or software, or website, or WHATEVER YOU CALL IT, to do that for her automatically.

I am deciding whether to get an apple or pc laptop. dell at my office, husb with apple at home, wanting to streamline and organize my whole life....I'll let you know how it goes.

I have a poem to share from a writing retreat I just went on, and calmness that outweighs all my ideas and plans (that is unusual for me). And I'm telling the world that I am starting a 10 minute devotional/meditation/centering prayer/breathwork....time each day. I promise it to myself and you..Today was day 8. Unlike the false gods of work and marriage and weight loss and money and travel and time alone and, and, and.....I'm sure that
this will be the thing to finally bring me permanent good vibes :goodvibes: Stay tuned :rotfl: Off to discuss finances and our corporation with my sig other, so the poem will wait....R

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15 years 1 month ago #68909 by rs4
I've really been struggling with health issues. Able to joke one day this week that it was the first time I'd had coughing spells, a migraine, runs of SVT and depression all at the same time...not to mention hot flashes! Thank goodness for humour :)

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14 years 11 months ago #68910 by rs4
sometimes when I feel down I'll write a thankfulness list, so here goes. I am thankful for the sky, my porch and rockers, the quiet water outside my window, the incredible community efforts after hurricane ivan, a thorough construction guy and his crew, flexible co workers during all the disruption, my sons enjoyment of experiements and building, a great 13th anniversary dinner and movie, a long weekend away from this disaster area, wood floors (just think of the water damage if we'd had carpet), journal time, almost 6 weeks without a migraine, my husbands joy with his new car, my wraparound sports skirt that i can wear to the beach and the grocery, women who inspire me, my womens circle meetings, the enrgy the hurricane brought for cleaning and sorting and tossing out, safety for all that are close to us, the fun of sneaking our cat into the shelter where we stayed, the fact that ONLY the roof and wall came off the building where we were during the hurricane and that we had another safe place to go, that I didn't have to throw my body over my sons as we ran through a glass hallway at the height of the storm, that good humour was the norm in our devastated neighborhood and in the Long ( 5 and one half hours one day) lines for water and ice, the Sun magazine, my migraine diet that seems to be helping, my psychiatrist phone appointments that have helped me see things clearly, the joy I find in little things like making pancakes with my son, the chance to be a den mother, the fun of being spiderman's mom for halloween, breathwork and time alone. :)

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