I have been reading and occasionally posting questions on the mommd web-site for a few years now. First as someone returning to school to start the pre-reqs, and now I am about to begin the journey of actually becoming a Doctor. :cloud9: I have spent some time going through some of these journals, and I love the ones that have chronicalled (sp, sorry) the whole trip. When I am having a hard day or a tough time, I occasionally look around, and I always end up thinking. I will never find a support group for someone like me. I always end up coming back to mommd, its the only place I have encountered people like me. Unfortunately they are not in person and I type very slowly, but at least it exists. Hopefully when I start Medical School on August 11th, I will meet a few fellow classmates with kids who can occasionally get together, but we will see. Anyway, I decided to start a journal for a few reasons. First of all, here I am at the beginning, and if I don't write it down I am sure I won't remember it in 4 years. Second, what a wonderful thing for my children to look back at someday. They can see my whole walk through this jungle of becomeing a Doctor, and Finally, maybe there are mom's out there who want to go to medical school, and like those of you who posted your stories before were encouraging to me, maybe I will be of some encouragement to someone else. Anyway, I have to run. I am currently in a MS in biology program that I started last year when the medical school waitlisted me, and I have a final today. More on my journey up to this point next time.
So why now?
I am 32 years old, I am married to wonderful man, who has the job of his dreams as a tax attorney, and we have two beautiful children. A daughter 4 years old, who will start kindergarden the day I start medical school, and a son, who turned 1 last weekend on Saturday, and I wasn't there because I have 4 finals this week! But I guess that is just the start of things I will ocassionaly miss, and at 1 he won't remember that we are celebrating this Saturday instead of last, so that mom can be done with finals. So anyway, why medicine. I have an MBA in finance, and didn't take a scince in college except for the biology class for non-majors to ful-fill a requirement, but I am sure that my story is very similar to many other non-traditional medical students. I come from a medical family, and before college always thought I would be a doctor, but I had fun in college, and wanted to try different things so I studied spanish, and lived in spain, I travelled, and studied the peace process in Israel, and I spent time working at a mission in Honduras, and then I went into business. While there I met my husband (we actually were at the same university, but never dated, just had many mutual friends) I started talking about medical school when we started dating, and all of my business jobs seemed to be in healthcare, my most recent was as a physician recruitment director for a healthcare system, and I knew I really wanted to be on the physician side of the table not on the administrative side. Anyway, in our early marriage (we've been married 6 years) so I mean in the first year, I decided to go back, but I thought I was going to be a nurse, and after two weeks as a care tech in an Emergency room, I knew it was medical school or back to business. So hubby finished law school, we moved, he got a job, he hated his job, he wanted to go back and specialize in tax, so mommy got the physician recruitment job, and we got hubby out to NYU to get his dreams and goals lined out. Once DH graduated we moved out to Vegas, for his job, and I quit, and went back to school. three years later, and one son later, I am ready to start medical school back in Indiana. Indiana put me on the waitlist last year, and suggested this master in Bio program that I am now finishing up. WOW it has been really hard, and 80 of us have been competeing for the spots that were handed out, but I got one of the spots, and I am so excited. Also it has been really intense, and I think great preparation for next year. Anyway, to start the program me and my son moved out in August into my in-laws house, so that my mother in law could babysit while I went to school an hour and 15 minutes away. My DH and daughter stayed in Vegas while he waited for a transfer, and we prayed that my grades would be high enough to get me in. Well, the transfer went through in November, and we were still waiting on my interview in January. I have never had a more depressing month than this past January. I wasn't in yet, my DH had transfered across the country to an office that wasn't quite the same, and we were now living with my in-laws indefinately, until we could figure out what was going to happen with me. They let me in in February!!!! YEAH, and we are now waiting for our house to be built. It will be done in July, which is a little late, because the living situation is getting tight, but my finals are over on Friday, and at least I can stop commuting, and spend my summer with the kids :crossfingers:
Yuck, Yuck, Yuck, I have a final in Regenerative medicine today, immunology on Thursday, and Cancer biology on Friday, and I am coming down with the flu. DH brought some bug home from Chicago last Thursday, was sick and throwing up for three days. The baby got it Sunday, and last night my daughter was up all night throwing up, and DH decided that I was a bad parent because I wanted to try and get some sleep for my final, and let him deal with it since he has already had the bug. Well, long story short, no one got any sleep, and now I feel bad, and can't do anything about it. I just hope I don't throw up in the middle of the final. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but MEN :banghead: , he can leave for a week at a time, because he has a trial, and I don't say anything about the kids or what I've done, all I say is I hope that you had time for some fun while you were away too, and how are your friends, how was the trial etc., but the one week that I have something big going on, and he can't take it without getting into a big fight with me or sending me on some guilt trip about not wanting to mother my children. It also seems like it happens every time I am busy. He supports me going to medical school, and I believe he wants me to be a doctor, we have been working on getting me in for way too long now, and although he could have made me turn back from this desicion even a year ago, at this point I am moving ahead full steam. He is a great father and very involved with the kids, they love him dearly. My father was a physician and was never home, so whatever my mom decided in the house went. When you have an involved husband get ready for the critical moments. When he does something we all have to hear about how much he is doing and how hard he works, and when the tables are turned, I have to be quite, because I am the one getting my dream of becoming a doctor. Also living with my in-laws is getting so old. I have no one to turn to except DH, we are not from the town we are living in and we don't have any friends there. My program is not set up to help us make friends, we are competing for medical school spots in a nine month program (not really a let's go out and hang out kind of atmosphere), and DH's job offers no outlet of friends. So when I fight with DH I can't stand it (he is my best friend), and I don't deal well. I am someone who needs to talk everything out, and we just go round and round. I know I need to learn to shut up walk away and give a little of my own silent treatment, and I am working on it, but without friends to turn too it is very hard. Hopefully this journal will be a place to take note of the medical school path, but also a place for me to vent when I feel like I have no one else to talk to. My mom thinks journal writing is a great idea. She vents in her journals, and I am sure it helps. Anyway, this has been a depressing post, but I got some things off my chest, and maybe I won't get into a battle with DH. It's not worth it we are both just tired, dealing with sick kids, finals, living with in-laws, commuting over 2 and a half hours a day a piece, building a house (that is taking way too long), and I am not even sure what else, but I am sure there is more. We are fried. I hope that we have at least a week or two of breath in our own home alone to re-connect before MS1 takes over our lives!
I don't know why I love this saying. It seems kind of sad, but sometimes, when I am asking myself, why am I doing this. I think number one I feel called, and number two, God never promised us easy lives, and nothing worth having is easy anyway.
THIS WILL HURT.
MOST OF WHAT YOU EXPERIENCE WILL HURT.
IF YOU COUNT THE HURT AND THE PLEASURE.........
THE HURT WILL WIN.
NOW GET OUT THERE AND PLAY THE GAME.
My uncle said this, and I think in many ways it's true, but thank goodness most of us choose to focuse on the pleasure.
We are all slowly getting better. I slept 17 hours last night, and I am now in the computer lab with a great big sprite, trying to motivate myself to get started on immunology. I have two finals left, and I am dying. I can't wait for my summer with the kids. My daughter threw up twice last night, and this morning when I came downstairs she was setting up a party for my in-laws little dog Lizzie. I hate missing the little things she plans and puts together, and it was really hard to leave for school this morning. I just keep telling myself. Hang on until Friday evening, then the whole summer is yours with the kids. They are so sick right now, and kids are just way to sweet. They can be sick and throwing up running fevers and still smile at you and say mommy let's make a present for Lizzie. I think that the hardest thing about what I have decided to do is occasionaly missing some of their baby moments. I pray that God will remember them for me when I can't.
It has been awhile, but wow what a while. I finished finals, and I did great on the finals but was so far behind for the semester because of the January MCAT that I didn't do very well overall. However, I am already in Medical School, so Thank Goodness, and now I have the summer to spend with the kids. We had a walk trough on the house we are building yesterday, and it was the pre-dry wall meeting, YEAH! They started dry-walling today. I can't wait for it to be done, and we finally have a closing date set in stone, July 23rd! However, we have decided that we have lived with the in-laws long enough, and I was about to have a mental breakdown when imagining living here over the summer, so we are moving into a Residence Inn on May 28th. It is going to be a bit tight with 2 kids, a dog, and me and my husband in a studio, but at least it is our space, and our studio. I think it will actually be one very nice long summer, that feels like one big vacation. I am going to take the kids swimming lots and lots, I love to swim, and my four year old, almost has it down. My son who is only 1 won't get too far, but he loves the water. We also have lots of little trips, and one big one planned or the summer. We will get into the new house about 3 weeks before medical school starts, so it will be tight, but still give me time to settle. I can't believe how nice it is to be done with classes for the summer. I am having such a great time with the kids. It is amazing how fast they grow.