My daughter told me last night as we were eating meat, that animals have the hardest life of all. When I asked her why? She said because they get ate! Too funny. My husband missed every ounce of the humor in the comment because he was too busy correcting her English. I hope that this journal doesn't turn into complaint central for me. When I feel frustrated, I feel like writing, and when things are going great, I am too busy. I want this to really be a true picture of my journey through medical school, but I feel like it is going to lean toward the negative aspects of my life, and there are so many positive ones. On the one hand it can be great to journal to get rid of frustrations and to think things out, but on the other, when I or my kids go back and read it someday, I don't want them to think that everything about this journey was negative. I think that I am in a rough spot with my husband right now because I am so frustrated with his family. I need to realize that they aren't my family just my in-laws, and their actions aren't his fault. I feel like we hardly connect anymore though. We rarely talk. Once he is home we have family time, but we are busy with the kids so it isn't really us time, and we pretty much go to bed the same time that they do. He leaves most mornings before we are even awake, and I don't call him at work, because we are both too busy to talk anyway. I did ask him to go to lunch with us one day last week when we were going to be downtown anyway, and he did, but later acted like it was a hugh problem for him. I said "you could have said "no" " I am not exactly sure why he went anyway, he left before we were even done eating.
I am so happy to be with the kids and out of my in-laws house. I feel like everything in terms of the kids, medical school, and the new house being built is perfect, but the rough patch with my husband is hard. I know that other people must go through them, but you never see it. When I look around, and talk to friends, all their marriages seem perfect. It seems like no one else ever has any problems, that are just run of the mill. I mean we aren't going to separate or anything, but sometimes I feel like I am the only one that ever goes through difficult time with my spouse. I know it's not true, but people can sure make their lives look perfect from the outside.
Sometimes, when we aren't even looking for it we run into angels who for no reason at all, make us feel better about something. Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 33 years old, and I am just now starting medical school. I had a wonderful day, we went down and swam in our new neighborhood pool, and saw the house. The cabinets are in, and I can't wait for them to finish. My husband and kids took me out for mexican, and I didn't do my workout so I slept terribly, and have been grumpy all day because I am tired and my husband and kids are going down to my in-laws house tomorrow.
So this came up a few days ago, because my MIL wants to see the kids, and has been trying to get them there somehow, so she has my husband bringing them down tomorrow, and of course he spun it like it will be nice day off for me. At first I had my initial reaction of being upset and left out, but then I thought about it, why should I care. I can do whatever I want for a day, and they get to see the kids and I don't have to go. I was at the hotel desk tonight and the lady behind the counter and I just started talking, and she is obviously older and wiser, but she made me feel so much better. For some reason God sends certain people to you at the right time to say the right thing, and it means more than they will ever know.
I do know this, I am growing. I am very excited about my day tomorrow. I am going to hang out at the pool with a friend of mine, and go to lunch. I am going to read magazines, and books, and only swim if I feel like it. It will be awesome. I am not going to hang out with someone that makes me feel inferior, and worthless. My children will have a great time with their grandmother, and their dad, and I will be totally refreshed when they come home to be with me tomorrow night.
I have started a workout routine. It is very simple, but something I believe that I can keep up for a long time and through medical school. I am walking 60 minutes a day and wearing a pedometer, to make sure that I get to 10,000 steps a day. Maybe this will help me get the last of my stubborn bay weight off, and if not at least I will feel healthier and better, in fact I already do and it has only been a week so far.
My daughter is laying here trying to go to sleep, and she is 4 and a half, and we are already at the not listening stage. I hope to come out of raising her non-scathed.
Tomorrow we are leaving for vacation. The kids and I get to go this year, but my husband can't come because he has trials, and some work out of town. The kids and I are going to Hilton Head with my parents for two weeks, and my sisters and their kids will be there for one of the weeks. I am really excited, and I know that my kids will have a blast. I am sorry that DH can't come, but hopefully next year. My family has been going to Hilton Head since I was in High School, so I am so happy that my kids will grow up getting to enjoy it too.
Yesterday my husband took the kids to my in-laws for the day and I didn't go. I had a very relaxing day. I went to the gym, went to church, and went to lunch with a friend. Then we went and hung out at the community pool in my new neighborhood. I am so excited about our new neighborhood. While at the pool yesterday there were all kinds of families with kids my kids age. This will be the best neighborhood we have lived in since getting married. For this time in our life it couldn't fit more perfectly, and I have already started meeting moms of kids in the neighborhood by hanging out at the pool sometime this summer while they finish the house.
When we first got married we lived in a dumpy duplex next to a storage facility. We didn't meet a single neighbor that year. I remember that year so fondly because it was the first of our marriage, we got pregnant with our daughter, and we had such a great time even though we were living in a hole. The next year we bought a house in the town where my husband got a job, and we were the youngest people in the neighborhood by about 30 years. People we so nice, and really sweet to us, but it was like living surrounded by our parents. In Las Vegas we rented a home in a nice area, but the neighbors were a mesh of transitional people and we met no-one with kids there. All of our friends in Vegas came through my daughters school. For the past year we have been living with my in-laws. Needless to say that has been difficult, and never felt like home. We moved into a hotel about two weeks ago, and I am having a great time with the kids, but it isn't a home. When we get back from Hilton Head we will have 23 days left in the hotel before closing on the new house. It is going to be so nice to have a home of our own again, and the neighborhood seems perfect.
Anyway, today we worked on my daughters swimming. She is getting really good, and I think that we will be going every day this summer so by the end of the summer I am sure she will be a fish. My son loves the water too, but he is only one so we probably won't make as much progress with him.
Other than that we are just on the countdown to medical school. I have two months until orientation and two months and two days until the start of classes. WOW!
I'm back. Wow, what a vacation. We have been on one long vacation all summer. We actually got back about a week ago, and checked back into the hotel, and I just haven't sat down to write. Things have been kind of nuts. We will finally be closing on our house on July 23rd. I can't wait. I am almost counting the hours. I am sitting here typing in the dark, while the kids take a nap in our one room hotel room. It is crazy. I am going to hang out in Chicago next week with the kids. My husband has to go and work in Portland anyway, and I can visit friends and family up in the windy city. It should be lots of fun.
On a sad note, my son had another seizure in Hilton Head, so I now have a vacation site pediatrician. It was awful, and no matter how well I stayed on the tylenol and motrinI couldn't get the fever below 101, and after the seizure it was 104.5. Anyway, I saw a great article about these seizures by and ENT, who had a kid with them. He finally found research saying that taking out the tonsils and adenoids out can cure it. He cured 25 of 26 patients by doing this, so I am saving the article in case we have another one.
Once we finally get in the house I don't think we are going to want to go anywhere for a long time. It is going to be so nice to have a home again.
Other than being back in the tight hotel not much going on. Vacation was great, and my daughter can now swim totally unassisted. It is so awesome, and both kids loved the beach and the ocean. I would love to live somewhere on the water someday.
Wow, I haven't written in awhile. I have taken the last month to be with the kids, and live the crazy life. We are finally in our new house, but the movers still haven't arrived. They have totally missed the spread, and will arrive during my orientation.
It all starts tomorrow. I am scared, nervous, anxious, crazy and excited all at the same time. I hope that it all goes well.