I received an interesting PM that has given me a lot of food for thought over the last couple of days. A woman contemplating med school wrote and posed a number of questions that have really got me thinking. So I'm going to post my response here, because I think it might be interesting to others.
Without divulging too many specifics, here are the questions:
I am wondering if you would ever recommend medical school to any of your students?
In your situation, is there some comfort in knowing that you do have your MD, which you set out to get, and THEN found that it was not the right path for you, given your circumstances?
Would YOU go to med school again, if given the chance?
The person who asked me these questions has been struggling for many years with the decision of whether or not to go to medical school. Of course, we each have to come to our own decisions, but I'm going to try to answer these questions for myself as well as I can.
As I've noted before, I too struggled with the decision of whether or not to go to med school. After getting rejected the first time, I took some time off to really reassess what I wanted to do. After meeting so many miserable people in medicine, I tried my best to talk myself out of it. I discovered that I had lots of other interests- foreign languages, travel, computers- and I took the time to pursue all of those. I'm SOOO glad that I did, especially the time DH and I spent travelling while in the Park Service. Yet, despite earning two Master's degrees in other fields, I never felt truly fulfilled in my career. That yearning for medical school never did disappear, no matter what I did. It took me seven years to realize that medical school was, indeed, where I belonged.
As I've noted before, I had to apply a total of three times before I finally got in. And my first two years of medical school were some of the happiest of my life, despite having a difficult pregnancy 1st year and an even more difficult newborn baby during 2nd year. Somehow, I just *knew* that medical school was were I was destined to be. I finally felt at peace with myself and with who I was.
All that changed as 3rd year approached. This was about the time my 1-year-old son was diagnosed with autism. For a while, we strongly considered having me quit to stay home after 2nd year. At that time, I was only $20K in debt and my DH had a great job in a great town with good benefits. The reason I didn't quit: because I just couldn't handle my son's autism. I just couldn't handle the guilt and it was affecting the way I was interacting with my son. My husband, on the other hand, was all gung-ho about staying home and helping our son, so he ended up quitting his job and we all moved for med school. The rest, as they say, is history.
So... what if I had the opportunity to go back and quit after 2nd year, when I was only $20K in debt instead of $155K? Would I do it? Or what if I could turn down my acceptance altogether, knowing then what I know now? Now THAT is a difficult question.
It's tough to say. I think if I'm being really honest with myself, I'd have to say that part of me would be angry or resentful if I had not pursued my MD degree. Even though I'm not practicing medicine in any form, there is a certain level of accomplishment that those 2 initials after your name conveys. I know that sounds superficial, but I guess I'm human, like everyone else, and I do like to be appreciated and I can tell that my students have a lot of respect and appreciation for me.
But if I had known in advance that I would have a child with autism, I would not have pursued medical school. 3rd year, in particular, took a huge toll on our entire family and we all suffered tremendously. Had I not had kids, I think 3rd year would have been loads of fun, even with all the hard work and long hours. But having kids- especially a child with special needs- changed everything.
So, no, I would not have pursued medical school, at least not at this time in my life. Maybe I could have gone back someday when my kids were grown.
However, I'm not saying this would have necessarily been the right decision. It's possible that I would have harbored a lot of anger and resentment towards my son if I felt that I could not go to medical school because of him. Right now, I am CHOOSING to stay home because I WANT to. But if I had been FORCED to stay home- well, that might be a different scenario altogether. It's conceivable I could be utterly miserable as a SAHM who really felt like she should have been in med school. Because the fact is, SAHM's, as a rule, do NOT get much respect. Many people assume that SAHM's are just not intelligent or motivated enough to pursue a meaningful career. In my case, because of my degree, few people think that I'm not intelligent enough. Some people think I'm crazy, of course, for turning down all the money I could be making. But most people who learn all the details behind my decision are very supportive and many are impressed that I would turn down a lucrative, challenging career to be a SAHM to my special needs son (not that I do this to impress people, of course...but it DOES feel good to have your decisions validated by others.)
So...no easy answers. In my heart of hearts, I'm comfortable with whom I am right now. I wish I didn't have all this debt, but I'm still grateful that I had the opportunity to go to medical school. I think it's given me a personal sense of accomplishment that no amount of adversity can take away entirely.
So, my FINAL ANSWERS...
NO, I would not go to medical school if I had it to do over.
YES, there is comfort in knowing that I have my MD and later found out it was not the right path, given my circumstances.
And YES, there are times I would recommend medical school to my students, as long as they went into it with their eyes wide open. I do know some happy people in medicine- in particular, many of the family medicine faculty at my medical school.
As for specific advice for the original poster, I'm not sure if this is helpful, but I guess the bottom line is to research all your options. Look into other areas of health care such as nurse practitioner, PA, pharmacy school. In my case, I often wish I had become a pharmacist instead...but I must confess that a part of me would always want to be a physician, so go figure. It may be that you really are destined to be a physician and really wouldn't be happy doing anything else.
One caveat: if you do plan to have kids, I would try to have them before med school, if at all possible. You never know what kind of mom you're going to be until you actually are one. I never, ever, in a million years could have imagined myself as a SAHM, much less as one enjoying it. It may be that these decisions will fall in place for themselves once you know whether or not you want a family and how you feel as a mom.
Well, this has been a very lengthy reply, but hopefully it may be helpful to someone. Thanks to the original poster for sparking this discussion. I think you have helped me realize that, at least professionally, I'm happy with who I am right now-and that's saying a lot! Who knows what the future holds, but I'm grateful to be who I am today.