Sorry for not updating sooner! We've had some computer/internet problems- then my older son fell and broke his arm, so we've had our hands full around here. Thanks so much for all the PM's- I really appreciate the support. All things considered, we've been doing remarkably well. No more crying fits and I was able to discern the reason for the crying fit 2 weeks ago- it turns out he was sad that I was leaving him alone at kindermusik! I used to always stay with him for Kindermusik, but one day the teacher asked if he could stay alone. I asked him if that was ok with him and he said that was fine. So, for the next several weeks, I would sit out in the hall with the other moms and chat while both boys were in Kindermusik. Well, it turns out he wasn't ok with it after all- it caused him to have huge anxiety which he wasn't able to verbalize at the time. He told me "I want mama to go to kindermusik with me because I like mama!" Well! I don't know why he wasn't able to verbalize that at the time. A neurotypical kid would just cry and scream "I want my mama!" until the teacher gave in. Not my kid- he holds back all his feelings, tries his best to conform to others' expectations- then, once he's home in a familiar environment, has a complete meltdown. Hopefully he'll learn the appropriate way to express his feelings at the appropriate time in the future.
But I'm actually THRILLED that he WANTS me to stay with him! This is a kid who used to be completely indifferent to my presence. When I was in medical school and would come home from a long day, he would completely ignore me. He acted as if I didn't even exist. Even when he was a baby, way before I ever had the slightest idea that he might be on the autism spectrum, I recall once commenting to my husband "You know, I get the feeling that he just thinks I'm some giant milk machine. It's like he could not care less about ME- he just wants my milk!" When my second son was born, I finally realized just how true this statement was because he absolutely adored me and always has. So for my older son to express a desire to have me stay in Kindermusik with him- well, I'm absolutely THRILLED! So what if most 5-year-olds are beyond that stage? My child may be at a stage more appropriate for a 1 or 2-year-old, but that's perfectly fine- at least he's gotten that far! And the last thing I want to do is destroy the trust he's developed in me by making him feel "abandoned". He'll let me know when he's ready to be more independent- and if that isn't until he's 8 or 9 or 10, so what? We'll get there. This is a kid who didn't drink from a cup or feed himself until he was almost 4, didn't potty-train until after his 4th birthday, who just recently at 5 1/2 learned to put socks and shoes (on the wrong foot half the time!) and shirt on (backwards). So, if he's developing separation anxiety at age 5 1/2- TERRIFIC!
So...thank God I have the opportunity to stay home with him and be here for him, now that he finally has an internal motivation to bond with me.
So all this really makes me think about homeschooling again. The school is not providing him a one-to-one aide and is talking about fading out any support whatsoever, because he acts fine at school. He's a very compliant child who doesn't give them any trouble, so they're ready to completely mainstream him. Personally, I know that's the worst possible thing they could possibly do to him right now. They just don't see how he's crying inside because, unlike so many other kids, he never shows his emotions. He never tantrums or hits or bites or screams or runs away or anything. So, if they continue to refuse to provide him the support he needs, I will end up homeschooling and that will be that.
Oh- and MIRACLE OF MIRACLES- he's EATING NEW FOODS!!! YAY!!! This is a kid who for 4 years, ate basically the same 3 foods and nothing more. FINALLY- in the last 2 months, he's added pizza, fish sticks, cheese sticks, and vanilla pudding to his diet! YAY!!!!! Now he's almost become a "typical kid" picky eater! I actually used a behavioral approach to get him to try new foods. However, it had never been effective before, so I think he had to be psychologically and cognitively ready- because I'd been trying to bribe the kid for YEARS to try new foods, but his lack of dynamic intelligence was preventing him even from accepting a bribe to try new foods. Now, I've faded out the bribes and he often asks for the new foods just because he likes them. Hooray! Perhaps someday we'll progress to eating vegetables and more, but for now, I'm just thrilled he's eating something besides peanut butter sandwiches!
So...about the homeschooling... who knows how I'll ever pay my loans back then? I do enjoy teaching- and it's so nice to get feedback from the students about how much they enjoy my class. I even have a couple of students who are failing, but they still tell me how much they enjoy my class. I try my best to encourage them by telling them about some of the candidates I evaluated while serving on my medical school's admissions committee. Every year, we admitted students with W's, D's, and F's on their transcript- provided they made up for the bad grades with a consistent pattern of good grades thereafter. And if a student is really, really bummed out- I may privately share that one of those students was myself- with 5 W's, 2 D's, and 2 F's my sophomore year in college- when I basically quit going to class and didn't bother to withdraw. I love what I do and I really enjoy serving in this mentor capacity to the students. And I get to talk about medicine- to a rapt audience! Sure, a lot of the basic science is dull, but I can really see their eyes light up whenever I mention clinical applications and especially when I share stories from my med school years. For example, when they're having to memorize all those ligaments of the female reproductive system, I'll tell them WHY this is important. I show them what happens when those ligaments fail- some really gross pictures of uterine prolapse, cystocele, and rectocele. I'll relate a rather self-deprecating anecdote or two about my experiences scrubbing in on GYN surgeries as a lowly MS3. Whenever possible, I try to work in some preventive health awareness without sounding preachy- for example, I'll tell them about the patient I saw who had nearly died of advanced cervical cancer- she had survived only after complete pelvic exteneration, requiring removal of the colon, bladder, vagina, uterus, tubes, and ovaries. It was basically a medical miracle that she survived- and all because she missed getting her Pap exam for ten years (because she didn't feel comfortable with the doctor.) And so on.
OK, I am rambling away now- and it's getting late, so enough for tonight. Thanks for reading this far!