× Women in Medicine Blogs & Diaries

Post-bacc premed student...24yrs old...

More
10 years 11 months ago #69802 by Med2011
Hello all,

I've been reading all the post and diaries online and I have FINALLY decided to start one of my own. I think this will be very therapeutic and help to get some of the thoughts out of my head...lol

So just a little background about myself...I am 24 years old and I am currently in the process of completing a post-bacc pre-med program. My journey to getting here has been interesting and is in no way over. I would consider myself an intelligent person and I love learning. I majored in math in college and had a variety of minors. I started college with a minor in biology and was very excited about the possibility of going to medical school. However, I took my first two biology courses and I was NOT HAPPY. :( It wasn't that I did not do well in the courses...I def understood the information; the classes were just a bit BORING :o to me at the time...lol. I took this to mean I was not interested in medicine. If I could not get past the first few bio classes, how would I ever make it through medical school??? The only time I was truly interested in the material was when we were in the lab. I loved the hands on learning...however it didn't happen frequent enough. So these thoughts coupled with the fact that I felt I was too emotional to become a doctor made me doubt my abilities. For some reason I have a strong connection with people I sometimes feel like I feel what ever the person around me may be feeling. I have always thought doctors have to be cold and almost numb to emotions. So how was this going to work??? :rolleyes:

So I decided to change my minor. Went through several: Spanish, Economics and FINALLY BUSINESS. Shortly after my new found realization that medicine was not for me, I went to a resume building workshop. And this is where it all changed. The woman facilitating the workshop was a recruiter for a program geared towards helping minorities enter the business world. I applied...not out of extreme interest, but this was something I had never considered, I didn't know much about it and it was a CHALLENGE. I LOVE CHALLENGES :yes: All it takes is for someone to say I can't for me to prove I CAN!!! :cool: So I applied and was accepted. I had my first internship and I thought I had fallen in love. I went back to school after that summer and changed my minor to business. I thought what I was feeling at the time was a passion for the industry and I thought I had found my calling. Unfortunately...I WAS SOOO WRONG!!! :no:

I realize now that my initial facination with business stemmed from the uncertainty of it all. It was something I never explored so I was fascinated with learning something new. Not to mention it was an intership so everyone was really nice and helpful. I did two summers of internship at a major investment bank. I was happy for the most part. I was doing so much, learning so much, making a lot of money so young and I DIDN'T even have to go back to school. I thought this was IT!!!

Then I was offered a full time position. I happily accepted. No stress my senior year...I was secured with a job. What more could I ask for. Then it started...from the day I stepped through the door for training I WAS ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE. :mad: I didn't like some of the people...they were so mean and catty...not that i was not up for the challenge. I think I have a very competitive side. However, these people were of a different breed. I tried to tell myself that I would never like everyone, no matter what field I went into and I could soon get over it. So I stayed... I got through the training and matched with a pretty good group. It was actually one of the most competitive groups and everyone wanted to be there. I was happy...I guess. Then the work started...NOT INTERESTING Not to mention all the negative attitudes...dealing with people who did not want to teach or help me and at times just feeling very alone. I have always thought of myself as intelligent and if nothing more able to learn. This environment was not healthy. For the first time in my life I had people who questioned my abilities and just seem for whatever the reason not to like me. I went through this for TWO YEARS (well almost...I cut out a bit early).

I realize now that I may have needed this situation just for a reality check on life, people and the way things are. I don't know whether I was naive with it being my first job but it was definitely an experience.

After quitting my job to go back to school and pursue medicine it has been a constant battle. My decision to go back to medical school has not been an easy one. More than anything I am concern with the quality of life. I hear a lot of horror stories of so many people basically giving up their own lives to pursue a career of helping others. I want to help...my desire to help others is one of the reasons I left business. In the business field I often felt like I was not having any true impact on the world and the people that occupy it. I needed more fulfillment. I worked crazy hours around the clock..stressed over presentations and all for someone else's glory. I would often wonder to myself is anyone going to die if this presentation is not completed by 6am? Why am I hear at 1am? The person who is actually going to present the presentation I AM WORKING ON is in his/her bed SLEEPING Why am I HERE??? These thoughts would make it even more difficult to get things done. I started to resent the field and all that it was. At the end of the day I was not saving lives. I was keeping the rich rich (just in my opinion...I hope not to offend anyone). So these thoughts and realizations coupled with a few other things solidified my decision to go back to school; and more or less finish what I started.

My path back into school was smooth. I was accepted into the program I wanted...completed my first semester with a 4.0 Everything was just GREAT!!! Then life happened...

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 years 11 months ago #69803 by Med2011
I am soooo frustrated today :rolleyes: Not really sure why. I just feel like I have to much time to think. For some reason the more time I have the more time I have to confuse myself. It's so frustrating to be set on something and feel that it's definitely the right decision and then within a moments time...everything feels WRONG. grrrrr :mad: Not happy today but I am sure it will get better. I am so anxious to start classes already. I took a semester off and it has just been tooo much time away. I just want to be in MED SCHOOL ALREADY!!!! These pre-reqs are ANNOYING!!!! :mad:

Ok I am going to go now...

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 years 11 months ago #69804 by Med2011
So today is a better day...at least in my outlook on school. I am trying very hard to be patient. I realize it has been a while since my last post and I never finished my little introduction.

So after my first semester which was GREAT. I loved my GPA...I was very comfortable and happy with my decision. Then came second semester which did not go as well. Second semester was a lot more difficult for me to focus. By this time my bills were starting to pile up and the financial aid I was taking out was just not enough. I live with my boyfriend...he was so good at picking up the slack when I decided to quit my job. However, I was starting to feel bad that he had so much of the responsibility for something we decided to do together. So I started looking for a part-time or flexible full-time job which would allow me to go to school in the evenings but still be able to contribute to the bills. This was absolutely the hardest thing in the world. I never imagined it would be so hard for me to transition into a different field. It was almost as if because I graduated and said I wanted to pursue Finance, that was my fate for the rest of my life. I would get interviews or apply for positions that I know I was more than qualified to do, but NO ONE WOULD hire me. It was a very interesting experience. So all that was going on with my job search; I was barely making classes because I was trying to interview or something right before and this really began to take a toll on me. I could not focus and I was beginning to get upset. :mad: One of the major restrictions with me applying for most jobs was that I needed flexibility on Mondays because I had a bio class. This class was only given at one time and it was at 5:30. Trying to find a company that would commit to letting me leave early every Monday for class was no easy task. :wave:

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 years 10 months ago #69805 by Med2011
Hmmmm...today is a good day. I mean it just started but I am feeling really content which I love. Everything is going well for me at this time and that is always a good feeling. I will be taking physics this semester which will be VERY INETRESTING....lol. I have not seen any physics since high school and I can't say that I really remember much. There is one fact that I always remember from physics because of the way my professor taught it in high school but I do not even remember which law it's from. Either way I am ready to get on with the pre-reqs. I will be one class closer to MED SCHOOL!!! :wave:


'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 years 10 months ago #69806 by Med2011
I am soooo excited right now. :wave:

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 years 10 months ago #69807 by Med2011
Ok...so I am having a bit of a dilemma I have now registered for my classes for the summer and the fall. Whooo hooo! When I went to register the woman helping me make my schedule asked me to think about whether I really wanted to take Physics in the summer as it will go really fast. I have not seen physics since high school so I am not really sure what to expect. What scares me is the fact that a course that is usually taught in three months will be taught in 6/7 weeks. I can only begin to imagine how quickly they are going to go through the material. I am also working now so I want to be sure that I will be able to keep up. I don't know what to do. I mean it's not like I have to take the class, I can always take it another time. I just like the idea of having one less class to take in the fall and spring semesters. Hmmmm...what to do what to do. :confused:

If anyone is reading...from your experience would you recommend physics as a summer course with no other physics exposure besides high school? I think I will post this question on the discussion page also. I am also concern with the fact that even if I take physics this summer I will not be able to take the second class until the spring...giving a lot of time in between and I don't really want to forget the material.

I wish I could take something easy like the second half of bio. It's so frustrating because they never offer this class at a reasonable time. It's always in the middle of the day...when people who work are not able to attend. Well I guess I will make a decision soon.

In other news...I met my friend's half sister and she is a practicing pediatrician WHO LOVES HER JOB!!! Whoo hoo!!! A happy doctor...hard to find those these days. I am going to sit and speak with her about my goals and my expectations of this career. I am so happy to have someone so close to me to be able to speak with and mentor me throughout this time. Unfortunately, I have not received the feedback I thought I would from the forum. I love reading the stories and this blog has been very therapeutic. However, it is a bit difficult to ask questions and get answers on here; at least for me. So I am happy to have someone right at my fingertips. She is so nice and did I mention she's HAPPY!!!! This is such exciting news. I LOVE IT! That is my goal to be HAPPY. I am truly going to make that a priority. I am not saying I am going to be unrealistic...I know I will have bad days and times where I feel like I may want to give up...but I will always ask myself at the end of the day am I happy with my choices. If the answer is always yes...then mission accomplished.

I can not wait to go into the OR. I can not wait for rounds. I actually can't wait for the letter saying, "YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO X MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!" I will be soooo HAPPY! I think a huge part of my frustration with this process is that it always seems so far away. I have to go through so much to get there. I am up for the fight once I am there because I will be THERE. However, the fight to get there is annoying and sometimes discouraging. However, I am going to continue on. I truly believe this is what God has called me to do. With that said....patience is something I need to work on and something I don't have. Only with myself though. I am always patient with others and I am very understanding. With myself...hmmmm that seems to be a struggle. I really feel like I have to much time to think. It's during these times that I start to question everything and feel like I am running out of time. Then I start to convinve myself that maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I am stopping with the destructive behaviors and I am striving to gain more patience. I have my whole life ahead of me, right? I wish I could always feel this way. There are some days when I am content and ok with the things I need to do. Then some days I am just anxious and feel like I should do something drastic. Like move to another country and study art...lol. I need help...LOL :D

Until next time. God Bless!

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: TexasRoseefex101
Time to create page: 0.194 seconds
Find us on Facebook!
Find us on Twitter!
Find us on Pinterest!