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Post-bacc premed student...24yrs old...

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10 years 8 months ago #69808 by Med2011
Wow so it's been over a month since I last posted. I am not doing very well with my journal...lol. I am sure I will have a lot more to say once I start my physics course this summer. I am SUPER excited to be starting back up with classes. I am a little scared to take this course over the summer because I have been told it's going to go pretty fast...but I have faith that I can and will do well. I posted a question on one of the forums asking advice on whether to take physics as a summer course. Most people said don't...at first I decided not to do it...then I decided...I'll just do it. The reality is we are never in an ideal place to do things. Although I am going to be VERY busy this summer...I know I can do it. I have a schedule of how I plan to stay on top of everythings and a big part of that is staying ahead. I purchased my book early so I can get a head start on the reading and assignments and will be ready on Monday. I mean the reality is I will never have time for JUST classes...if it's not busy this summer it will be something else during the fall or something else next summer. So stay tuned for updates on that...

In other news...I feel like an emotional WRECK lately :weeping: not sure where all of these emotions are coming from but I feel as though I am constantly breaking down. I go from happy to sad to angry in like 60 secs...it's driving me crazy and I think it's driving my boyfriend crazy. I don't think he knows what to do with me anymore. I also keep feeling like our relationship is not where it should or could be. This is not to say that it's bad...for the most part I think I have a great relationship it's just that I don't feel we are in the place we could be. I get so frustrated sometimes and I say things I don't mean. It's like I do things for him to react...and he never does. It's so FRUSTRATING...I think I equate his reaction or lack thereof as a measure of how much he cares. He also doesn't like to talk which can be very annoying because I HAVE to talk through my thoughts...it makes me feel better and he is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE. Things like this makes me question our future and whether we will carry these issues into it. It's like all my life when things get crazy (relationship wise) I leave...it makes me feel better. I'd rather give up now and get through the pain...then invest more emotions and hurt later. I don't know why I do it and I wish I could make it stop.

My boyfriend and I are both very complicated people...we think waaaayyyyy to much for our own good. I don't know what to do about it. Sometimes we seem so in tuned with each other like we are going in the same direction and then somewhere along the course someone makes a turn and the other is not aware...

Ok I am starting to ramble...just getting some thoughts out of my head. Tired of holding all this in. I pray we get through it. God has really been working out some kinks in our relationship...I'll be happy when this season passes and we can be at peace. Getting to really know someone is a hard job.

ok seriously now I am going to go....lol

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

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10 years 8 months ago #69809 by Med2011
Today I don't have anything school related to talk about. Although most of my entries consist of me venting all the things constantly taking up space in my head anyway. However, today I spent the entire day planning a little trip for my boyfriend and I. I am sooo excited. We have decided that instead of going crazy with gifts for our anniversary we are going to travel. A different place every year :wave:

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

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10 years 1 month ago #72572 by Med2011
Wow it's been a LONG time since I last posted. I guess a little update is necessary. Since I last posted I did take physics class that summer despite my back and forth with the decision; and I did GREAT!!!! This past fall semester I took the second half of physics and the second half of chem. I passed both classes but oh my goodness this past semester was DIFFICULT to say the least. I started a new job as a caseworker. I don't know if anyone is familiar with the profession but it is STRESSFUL. I had to quit my other job and find a new one because they were not willing to accomodate my school schedule. So my transition in to a new field was very abrupt and unexpected. I was a little nervous at first because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing; but my team believed in my ability to learn and adapt and that has been a great help. Now I know most are thinking how can one do such a job and go to school? It has definitely been a challenge and time management is key. The first few months were rocky and I think I did not do the best job with time management but I did the best I could at that time. Now that I am a little more comfortable with the job and have a better understanding of what is expected of me I think next semester will be a lot easier. Overall, the job works because despite the stress it offers the flexibility that I need with school. Also, with everything that happenened, down to the way I was offered the job; I think it's a true blessing from God. Not an easy one but a blessing.

Now that I write that statement it makes me think of something. You know in life I think that we assume when a blessing comes from God it will be easy or make our situations easier and that is not always the case. God provides us with what we need. He provides the resources as well as the experience to get us through in the NOW and prepare us for the FUTURE. I try to hold on to that thought. I think for myself I sometimes get caught up or confused as to why my blessing from God is not necessarily easy. This job is a great example because it is the furthest thing from easy. However, it provides so much more than just the face value of the job. Like I said before the flexibility, also the chaos. I think this job although not completely related is going to prepare me for the world of medicine. Through this job I have learned how to deal with difficult clients, learned how to manage my time when having to see or work with several clients in one day, also working under extreme almost unrelaistic pressure. So when I do come out of this position I am confident I will be a little stronger and a little more prepared for the world of medicine.

I guess that is all for now. I am doing well. I am happy and healthy and trying to fulfill my purpose. God Bless you all...until next time....

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

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