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Bad times..

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10 years 10 months ago #70210 by consult2health
I'm upset today. My marriage is going for the rock button and I'm feeling empty and devastated. It's been 6 months since my husband has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. He's not coping with it well and not letting me help him. We had tough times before, but being an optimist I always hoped we could work smth out. I realize now that it's not going to happen...I feel a black hole in me and don't know how to fill it. I'm alone in this country..well, I have some friends but you know everybody is busy with their lives/families/careers. For 7 years that I've lived in CA, I'd say I acquired more of acquaintances than real friends. I'm not blaming anyone, just saying that it's very tough for me. I talk to my parents on the phone almost every day, but don’t want to upset them, so, I have no one really to talk to and relieve this burden/stress. My husband is very impulsive and has anger problems. I tried talking him into therapy or just visit to a psychologist, but he does not want to admit it...Jeez..why it's so hard. Will it get better ever? I feel very unhappy, sorry to lay out so much, but I feel I need to share at least with someone...

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10 years 10 months ago #70211 by consult2health
I realized today that I stopped smiling back when someone looks at me/smiles in the street... It's awful, but it takes me a tremendous effort to smile.

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10 years 10 months ago #70212 by momRNtoDO
Grieving is different for everyone. Your husband's anger may not all be new, but it may be what he is comfortable with. Your sadness is not unusual, nor unexpected. Things will get better, but it may not come quickly or easily. I would probably just suggest you letting your husband know that you are available, but not push it. He may realize that he needs you later. Just being available with out pushing issues sometimes is the best for an angry person. Depending on the life expectancy of his illness, the stages of grieving might not go by the book, and uncertainty definitely doesn't ease tension. Find a support system, a church or a counselor for you, meditation. That way at least you will be well equipped for your grieving, and a peacefulness from you might be enough of a balm for your husband that things will get better. Not perfect. I will pray for you both and hope you find support.

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

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10 years 10 months ago #70213 by coffeeandtea
I really second the advice to get counseling. Even if your husband won't go, it would be helpful for you and for your relationship to get this off your chest, with someone in person. You have so many stressors going on, and it's no wonder that you feel sad and overwhelmed. Hang in there, and get the help you need. If you aren't on antidepressants, or haven't been screened for depression, I think that would be helpful too. I think antidepressants are overused, but when they are actually indicated they can really help. Good luck to you.

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10 years 10 months ago #70214 by consult2health
Thank you ladies for your warm replies. It's nice to know that someone cares. I am going home for the New Years an hopefully will be able to recharge on some positive energy. It's been a tough year for me: first, seeing my home country being bombed (you've probably guessed - Georgia), then my husband's Hep C diagnosis, our car accident (invoving us rolling over on a freeway), and my friends' death. I agree about the counseling..however, my husuband is against any type of counseling and I'm not sure how to "promote" the idea without pushing.

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