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13 years 5 months ago #70265 by Sweet
I am an extrovert in my current life who has probably been a spy in a former life - either a spy who failed miserably and is thus instinctively driven to perfect those traits which were weak and were the cause of his/her demise, or a spy so fantastically talented that the characteristics which made him/her great have transcended into my current life along with my soul.... that is, of course, *if* there is such a thing as a former life... of which I am decidedly unconvinced. :D

I doubt anyone is still reading, an illusion which now helps me to go forth with my writing. What I tried to express in my first sentence was the duality of my own nature, the fact that I am at once both an extroverted and outgoing person and also a secretive and fiercely private person. I love and thrive on interaction and I can genuinely relate to people, which makes it easy to make friends, albeit superficially. Yet, in order for a friendship to gain depth and meaning, experiences must be shared and here is where the spy instincts rise within me – I am very good at information control. I revel in anonymity, thus, the idea of a diary in which I would presumably bare my life and soul to complete strangers, whereby possibly compromising my anonymity and privacy before people whom I have not expressly *chosen*, is both an intensely attractive and a seriously difficult proposition. The motivation for overcoming my reservations and forging ahead with this diary is my perception that ultimately it can prove to be a healthy and positive experience.

I have chronicled bits and pieces of my life since I was 11-12, but the entries in my handwritten diaries have been sporadic, and in the past decade they have dwindled to nothing, primarily because I type much faster than I write by hand and also because I am a tech nerd who enjoys the clicking of the keys. Nonetheless, keeping those diaries was a great way of taking stock of my reality, monitoring my progress through life, tracking the growth of my mind and the evolution of my psyche. Technically, I do not need to post my diary online, I can simply write it electronically and keep it in the privacy of my own little machine. However, posting online has an added impetus to keep writing and updating – remember the extrovert in me!

I am in transition now... as this summer nears its end, another period of my life has come to its conclusion and I am moving into a new phase both metaphorically and also quite literally. Tomorrow (or now today) I will begin packing my household in earnest for a move across the country. So it is a good time and place to begin this diary, but I am exhausted tonight and I will have to continue tomorrow... as an excuse to take breaks from packing... ;)

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13 years 5 months ago #70266 by Sweet
So I have been lurking on different threads this afternoon... as I take breaks from feeding the kids, playing with them and packing.

But before I can get to my current reality, I have to give a quick sketch of the road that has brought me here. My story begins far away from somewhere in the middle of the US, where I sit typing now. I was born in the former USSR and spent the first dozen or so years of my life as a Soviet bloc kid. My family has a long history of persecution by various forces which have come and gone through the area, but that’s a story to be told at some other time. Nonetheless, my own early childhood was generally apolitical, it was spent enveloped in academics. I was fascinated with the human body since the age of 2.5 (that I can remember) as myriad questions ranging from why/how do our bodies move whenever/however we want to what makes pee yellow and why blood eventually stops flowing from a cut. By the time I was 4 I was madly interested in genetics... why did I have my aunt’s mole and my dad’s fingers, why were my grandmother’s eyes blue and mine hazel, etc. Before I turned 5 I had become convinced that I wanted to be a doctor (there is a cute story here, but I am too tired to recount it now).

From that point on, my life has been framed with the coordinate axes of medicine. Subsequent exposure to the work and professional lives of relatives, who are in the medical profession, strengthened my conviction that medicine was my calling. So... my entire conscious life has been colored with medicine. While my experiences have multiplied, my perceptions have widened, my childhood naivete has been replaced with reason and traces of wisdom have shown up in my thoughts, words and actions, my understanding of medicine has deepened and has been tempered with absolute and stark reality... my love of it has not only never diminished, but has grown deeper and become more meaningful...

Fast forward some years... I was 14 years old and the world around me was changing dramatically, the Soviet Union was quickly being erased from maps and globes around the world, politics was now a part of my life, my father was being hunted for his “anti-Soviet views and activities”... and my future was being secretly reshaped. After some dramatic events, including a nasty arrest and detention for “un-patriotic and anti-Soviet political views/activities”, my dad escaped to the US (it is sad for me to see how the very freedoms for which he came here nearly 2 decades ago are being methodically degraded by our current government)... My parents were divorced and I stayed behind with my mom... with a tacit agreement between my parents that as soon as my dad established a stable living situation, they would move me to the US... About six months after that my mom had a work invitation from France (science is so beautifully international!)... So, a couple of months and many paperwork hassles later my mom and I were headed to France. Here I was, on a cold day, boarding an Aeroflot plane in Moscow, heading to Paris... and into the rest of my life. The plane took off while I read the introduction to the organic section of my chemistry text (I lived for school and was an exceptionally gifted student, especially in chemistry and biology)... utterly unaware of the fact that I would not be returning, not for a while, and not to live there again...

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13 years 5 months ago #70267 by Sweet
I am officially living on the East Coast! :wave:

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