I met with the bereavement counselor today. She was very nice and gave me some good information. I feel like all of the emotions I am feeling are normal. She gave me hope that the jealousy I feel for my pregnant friends will pass. She also suggested we plant a tree or a bush in honor of our baby to always remember him/her.The funny thing is I think I ovulated today. It actually made me feel like my body was getting back to normal.
My DH and I have decided when we find out the sex of the baby to name it. I think this will let us have some closure. The counselor gave us some ideas for things to do: plant a tree, release a balloon , make a scrapbook page etc. I like the balloon idea with the baby's name written on it.
We are meeting with the RE next wed. to find out the results of the chrmosome studies and the sex of the baby. Next saturday we are doing a balloon release. We are going to write the baby's name on a balloon and let it go. My mom and sister in NJ and my grandmother in De are going to do the same. To me it seems like a way to honor my baby and say goodbye. I am hoping that it gives me some closure and the ability to move on.
This is a letter to my baby that I want to write and put in the scrapbook, but I am not ready to do that yet so I thought I would write it here.
Dear little dumpling,
I miss you so much! I know that sounds silly since I never met you, but I knew you. You were inside of me and I was your mommy. You made me sick, and tired and even made me not like Indian food.( I love indian food) You know what.. I loved every minute of it. I may have never got to hold you in my arms, or smelll your sweet scent or kiss you goodnight, but I loved you. I had dreams for you and plans for us. But it wasn't meant to be. I don't know why you were taken away, but I do know you are in heaven. I hope you are with your PopPop . He gave such great hugs.No matter how many babies I have you will always be first. I will never forget you, but I will move on with my life. I know you would want that. Your soul and mine are forever bound and there will always be a part of you in my heart.
My Mother sent me a beautiful bracelet to remember my baby.It has the word life and is surrounded by the birthstone of the month the baby was conceived, then angel surrounded by the birthstone of the month we lost the baby and finally the word wish surrounded by the birthstone of the month it was to be born. It meant so much. whenever I get sad i just touch my bracelet and I am OK.
Mu husband finally came home from his conference in time for Valentines day. I missed him. Thank heavens he is able to go with me tomorrow to the RE's to see what the chromosomal studies showed. i am really nervous. I am not sure if I am hoping that there was something wrong or not.Well I have stopped crying everytime someone asks how I am and they don't know that I have miscarried. I think that is an improvement. everyday gets a little bit better.