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Mom of 5 making the journey.....

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13 years 5 months ago #70579 by j.lasaundra
Hi,
I decided to start a diary because I think it will help me when i'm down. I like to self diagnos myself as slightly bipolar, because I have my ups and my downs on this road to becoming a doctor. About me: I'm a 28 year old mother of 5. All boys. I am a 2nd year premed student at a local university. I'll give you a brief history about me. I am my mother's oldest child. I have a younger brother and sister from my mother and two younger brothers and an older sister from my father. I grew up with a single mom until I was 12 then I went to live with my grandmother in Louisiana. As the oldest child. I was given a lot of responsiblity. My mom had problems with drugs and alcohol so a lot of times I was the care giver for my younger sister and brother. My grandmother took me out of that situation when I was 12 by sending for me to come live with her. I left my younger sister and brother behind with my mom. it was the experience that I had before I left her that placed a seed for medicine inside of me. My mom took me to John Hopkins to get my wisdom tooth removed at the age of 12. It was there that I saw doctors who took care of me, and helped me through the surgery. A seed was placed. at that moment, I knew that i wanted to become a doctor. I wanted to be just like them. In Louisiana, during high school, I continued to feed my hunger for knowledge of medicine, and joined premed clubs, participated in premed summer programs, witnessed births, ect...I knew for a fact that i wanted to be a doctor. an ob/gyn, to be exact. Unfortuantley, when i graduated from high school, things took a bad turn with my sister and brother who were up north. my brother was in foster care, and my sister was staying with friends. the friends mom was complaining because my mom didn't provide support for her, my mom was also collecting welfare for all of us and not giving any of us any of it. I made a choice to put of school to help them. i went to get them, traveling 3000 miles on a greyhound bus. I brought them to live with me in a house I rented right next door to my grandmothers house. my brother was 8 and my sister was 13.I was also pregnant at the time with my oldest son. I went to work cleaning hotel rooms, and as a c.n.a at a nursing home. Three years later, we to Washington. I got a better job and continued to work to take care of my family. Plus everything was more expensive there, so not working was out of the question. Now, my sister is 24, about to get her AA and working full time. no kids, thank God. My brother is in his senior year in high school and planning to go to college to become a youth counselor. I had my 5 kids. two in Louisiana, and three in Washington. I still had my dream of becoming a doctor. I heard a lot of negative talk from everyone every time I would mention it, so I tried to do other things in my life. It was while I was at Boeing working in the Accounting department 4 monthes pregnant with my 5 child, that I said, screw it, i'm going to school!! Thus began my journey. more to come....

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13 years 5 months ago #70580 by j.lasaundra
Ok, i should say that I tried to go back to school once before last year. I enrolled in summer courses three years ago at the local cc. I took intro to chem, precal, and english I. I left my job at a call center and took these classes. It was a crazy summer. I was not prepared the chem class, and the other two classes I ignored because chem was giving me a hard time. I ended up with a "c" in the intro to chem and precal, and an "A" in english. by the end of the summer, i was broke, busted, and ready to go back to work. I wasn't doing well without money. I needed to go back to work to make some money and figure things out. Well, two years later is when i figured things out. I couldn't get medicine out of my head. I tried to ignore it, and find a better suited career for a mother of 5. it didn't work. At the end of the two years, I wanted it more than ever. I took some online classes over the summer and during the fall while I was working at Boeing and I was also pregnant. Then, the worst thing happened to me! My grandmother down in Louisiana died!! That was a really bad time for me. My grandmother was the only person in my life that ever believed in me. She would always tell me how smart i was, but she would also tell me that she was disappointed in me because she expected a lot more from me. she was the only person who could say something like that, and i would actually care. I would tell her not to give up on me, and that I was going to go to LSU or Tulane med school so that we could be closer. Roomates again. Now she was gone and I realized that I haven't done a damn thing with my life. She was gone and I hadn't had a chance to show her that she can still be proud of me. that I was a still going to be a doctor even though I had 5 kids. I wanted her at my college and med school graduation. Now that can't happen. this pushed me to want to follow my dreams even more. for Ma-Ma! the next quarter i registered for full time classes on campus. I had unemployment from my job, so money wasn't an issue. I jumped in, with my 3 month old baby going to daycare. it was a good quarter. I did really well in all of my classes. I had a tiff with my chem teacher though. He wanted me to retake the intro class before taking his chem class. I ended up dropping it and registering for the intro for the next quarter. All together, i have completed 42 credits now. I'm going to be attending the local university this fall. the tuition is super high, and I have to work this summer but its worth it. Its a step in the right direction on my chosen path. I wanna talk about the summer program I did at the University of Washington this summer the SMDEP program. It was life changing!! but I'll wait....I've ran off too much already!!

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13 years 5 months ago #70581 by j.lasaundra
well, moving along with my story...I was pretty lost and tired by the end of spring 06 quarter. I finished two bio classes, all my englishes, and retook the intro to chem. I was looking forward to a hard summer of general chem and bio 3, until I got an email telling me that I was accepted into the summer smdep program at the uw medical school. I couldn't beleive it! I was shocked! I dropped everything and went there in person to let them know that I accepted and would be there. Only, it started the next monday after my final that friday. i didn't care. On the first day, I was surrounded by premed and predent students from all over the country. students from Princeton, Notre Dame, USC, you name it. I was a little intimidated because of my age and family situation, but over time, that was not an issue. We all bonded as fellow premed students. We worked hard together in our classes, I was in the chemistry and physics track. they crammed in 1 year of each subject into 5 weeks. they also gave us a english class that consisted of reading over a hundred pages per week. we also had lectures on ethics, mcat, health care issues, you name it. And on those special friday afternoons, the dean gave us research assignments that were to be done within the hour. three or four page assignments on case studys. about imaginary patients and thier conditions. We were there every day from 8:30-5pm. I was leaving my house at 7:15 and getting home around 6:30pm every day, then I had to cook and take care of the kids, then find time to get my homework from physics and chemisrty done as well as my 100+ page reading. It was super intense. Being surrounded by such super students motivated me to want to do well. Having the staff and dean at the medical school beleive in us and encourage us to follow our dreams was a priceless experience. I also got to shadow a few docs, in the ER and in the OR. I met various med students from 1st years to 4th years. some of those relationships i made, i still have and plan on keeping. I can honestly say that I was a lost little dear in the woods, lacking direction until I went to that program. They put me on the right track and helped me erase any fears I had about failing or not being good enough, or whatever. They opened my eyes to help me see what i need to do to become a doctor, and they assured me that no matter what anyone else said, to beleive in myself and to believe that I will become a doctor. I am definatley different. I immidiatly changed schools from a community college to the University. Its something i had to do. The dean told me that I would have a better chance getting in with my prereqs done at a University versus a Community College. I have to pay more to go to the university, but its an investment. I know in my heart that it was the best move for me. it was like God ordered. He ordered for me to be in that program, and for me to change schools when i did. I feel so lucky to be favored by God. Look how much he loves me. Look how far he's brought me. At times i feel ungreatful. I have my moments when i complain about having to work so hard all the time, and not having the money i'm used to having, but I wouldn't give up following my dream for all the money in the world. Its hard, but if it was easy, everyone would do it. I was talking to the admissions guy from my school at the orientation. I was complaining to him about the fact that my financial aid was not covering all of my tuition. I told him how I had to sell my old books just to make the deposit on my tuition and how scared I was about it. He told me to remember the story of how Gold told Moses (or Joshua) before he parted the red sea, to go ahead and walk on the water and he would part the sea for them. God didn't say he would part the sea first, then they could walk. he said walk first, then he will part the sea. They trusted God and stepped on the water, then God parted the water for them to come through. its so true. God wants us to trust him and follow the path that he's made for us, when we do that, he will take care of everything else.
Good night and God Bless........

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13 years 5 months ago #70582 by baldpate27
j. lasaundra: I am so impressed by your story and your strength, especially your insight as to the meaning of the the scriptural passage on the parting of the Red Sea. Please continue your diary -- already with only three entries, you inspire us all to be courageous and diligent in our medical path.

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13 years 5 months ago #70583 by j.lasaundra
Thanks!
Well, it was a trying day. I signed on to be team mom for my oldest son's football team. his dad volunteered to coach it. Its his first time coaching, but he figured he could do it because he has been helping our son who has played for the last three years. I woke up this morning to about 10 emails from the same parent of a kid on the team. she was whining about everything, she wanted to be the team mom, she thought she could do a better job than i could. and she cc'd all the other parents and coaches on the emails. that really upset me. I got the kids ready as usual and got into the van and realized that the brakes were out. I could put my foot all the way to the floor before the van would stop. My heart sank. I thought i wasn't going to make it to work, which was an hour drive. I drove it anyway, making sure i said a good prayer. i had to make it to work today, i didn't go on monday because of a doctors appointment, and I probably won't go tomorrow because i promised to volunteer. I want to volunteer. we get to take vitals on some foster kids. the docs doing me a favor letting me take part, since its really supposed to be med students only. anyway, i got to work ok. The same parent kept sending long, crazy emails about the football organization, ect... she was starting to drive me crazy. My chem teacher for the fall sent me an email about the book we will be using and what we will be covering, I thought it might be a good idea to get it early and start brushing up. I took the van to a nearby shop that the girl recommended from my job and they said it would cost 400.00 to fix. he also told me it wasn't safe to drive. Well, I didn't know what to do after that. I didn't have an extra 400.00 to spend on anything. all the money i make goes towards my tuition. I didn't know what i was going to do. I figured that if i could just get the car home, i could carpool with my sons father. that's what we always do when one of our cars breaks down. we ride together. it a pain, but it works. the only thing was that when school starts, i have a night class. i didn't know how that would work out. I was really down. but then God showed how powerful he really is. I have been at my job for a week. in that week, i've managed to be late, nearly everyday, and I've missed a day already. I was not expecting what happened next....the girl who is my supervisor, told me to take my van back to the shop and she would pay for half of the work done on it so that i would get home safe. I couldn't beleive it. I barely know this woman, and she paid 200.00 for my brakes. You just have to be humbled by something like this. its a constant reminder, even on a crappy day like today, that God is still with you. he will send his people to help you. I was still scared about paying 200.00 out of my own pocket for brakes, because i really want to pay my tuition before school starts, but again, God moved his hand. I paid the money and allowed her to pay the other half, because that van is my way to work which is my way to pay my tuition. Sometimes i think the hand of God is so strong on me right now, that it has to be for a greater purpose. I'm on the right path. Finnally!

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13 years 5 months ago #70584 by j.lasaundra
Another day! I made it another day! well...today i had a chance to do some volunteering. I actually started it yesterday. I took of work, even though my supervisor helped me out with my brakes, i took the day off because i signed up for volunteering at a foster home with a family medicine doc i met through the smdep program. I told her I would be there, so i didn't want to break my word. I felt really guilty about not going to work, but I'm so glad i went to the foster place. It was only me and the doc. we saw patients all day. I was in charge of taking thier vitals and getting them ready to see the doc. it was great! the staff there treated me with so much repect! the patients were all teens who were in foster care. they were really good kids. I got to have a lot of interaction with them as i took thier vitals. I talked to them and listened. I also got to go into the exam room and shadow the doc as she did the physical exam. I watched as she talked to the teens about drugs, alcohol, sex, birth control ect...I really enjoyed it. I felt like i connected with them. It also made me think about my own life. I have always wanted to be a foster parent. parenting is one of the things i feel that i do best. I always wanted to foster a child who wasn't fortunate enough to have a good mother. I actually have been thinking about this for a long time. I wanted a little girl, like between 3-6, to be added to our family. I have all boys, so....I really feel i could be a good mom to a little girl, and a good role model. I didn't have that. I think thats where this is coming from. I think i want to prove to myself that i can be a better mother to a little girl than my mother was to me and my sister. God gave me all boys, so ...speaking of mothers. mines showed up at my door the other night. she just recently got out of jail, and she's homeless, however, she's been running with her now, boyfriend, but i guess they got into a fight because there she was. I was not happy to see her. i was tired after a long day, and i didn't have the energy needed to deal with her. I allowed her to sleep at my house for the night, but then she would have to find somewhere else. too much stuff comes up missing when she's here. I have to hide my purse, and digital camera ect...my kids dad hates it when she's here becasue she lived with us before and it wasn't good. with her drug problems, we just can't have that in our home where our kids live. she left the next morning, and she left a trail of mess for me to clean up behind her. why me? the team mom situation is dying down. after the crazy woman sent that email to the head guy, he dismissed all of her claims. she claims that she never got his email: yea right. I never have seen someone on a power trip like she is. its crazy. she apologized to my kids dad for her email, and she won't speak to me face to face, only through email, which i won't reply because I think she's crazy. the last thing i want to do is tangle with a woman who is obviously mentally unstable. I got enough problems--I'm premed!!........

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