I haven't written in this diary for almost a year, and boy has a lot changed. My goal is still to be an MD, I just took a detour--yet again. At church today, my Pastor talked about the wilderness, and how God will sometimes take you there so that he can purge you of things that you need to get rid of, in order to fill you with things that you will need on your journey. I believe that, because while I was in my own wilderness, God was able to do a lot with me.My life has changed drastically, yet, for the better.
I am teaching 2nd grade this year. I really needed to do this because It gave me time to think about my future and what I want to do with it. It also allowed me to use the gifts that God has given me and to be used to further his Kingdom, by ministering to his children. I have some wonderful kids in my class. I teach in a low income school. We have kids with all kinds of social issues. I am their teacher, their mother, their counselor, their nurse, and their minister. I don't get paid very much, but seeing them go from 1st grade level reading, to 2nd grade level in one school quarter, is enough gratification. I have made great strides with them. God is really showing me what I can do. All the while, I sit thinking about my own future, and what I want out of my own life. over the summer, I wasn't sure if I would ever return to school. When I left school last year, I had just been excepted into my major --Chemistry. I was very proud of myself. I remember a time when I didn't even understand the simple components of chemistry. Now, the head of the chemistry department signed a piece of paper after looking at my transcript and determined that I was a good enough student to continue to study chemistry.
I even tried to transfer to a night college to take education classes. I went, but I just didn't feel comfortable. I really didn't want an degree in education. I loved kids, I love to teach kids, but I love medicine. Sometimes I even engage my 2nd graders in matters of cancer, viruses, and bacteria. I can't let it go. And really, I don't want to. The parent's love it. God is so funny, you know. I even have a parent whom I talk with all the time, that I found out was an administrator at the medical school. I didn't even know this while I had conversations with her. She always teases me after her son would come home talking about biology. She sees what the other teachers around me only get a glimpse of, that my heart is somewhere else.
I'm not exactly a robot teacher. I don't talk or do what the other teachers to. I'm into results and progress. that's the way I teach my class. constantly monitoring them, letting them see their own progress to encourage them to improve. I like to try new things with them, that haven't been done by the other teachers. and with reading, its been successful. the older teachers don't like it. they like things done the same way they've always been done. That's ok, just as long as my graph goes up. I am also still directing the drill team. my brother, who's on his way to medical school, says that will look good on my resume that I started an community outreach organization. Its hard work though! working with my community has its ups and downs! It takes hard work and perseverances not to just quit sometimes, but i know this is a great life lesson that I will need later in medical school. I used to complain that I wasn't apart of anything, and that I had no leadership experience, but now, I am the founder and director of a community youth organization. I am happy about that. I'm also working on starting a youth football team for the school/community for next fall. I hope that counts too!
Socially, I am still single. I went through a lot to get that status. Getting rid of KD was a humbling experience. He didn't go quietly. We are now on better terms. The kids and I moved out last March, into my own Townhouse. He tried to follow, and It took the strength of the Lord to keep him away. He now has his own place with his girlfriend about 30 miles away! God is so good! He still plays an active role in our kids lives, but he has learned about what boundaries are and how to respect mines.
I used to think that there was no way that I could go to medical school without his help! That's crazy. I now know that the only help that I need and want comes from God. I think that God took me away from premed just for a little while. Just long enough for him to remove somethings in my life, and replace them with better things.
I am ready! I am registering tomorrow for OChem, Precal, and history. I am taking Ochem at night, and the other two classes online. This works out better for me since I'm still teaching this year. I will be back on campus next year full time.I am taking those classes for winter quarter and spring quarter 09 at a community college. This summer and next year, I will take the ochem 3, calculus, and physics, at the university. I know its a gamble to take the science classes at the community college, but right now, i don't have a choice since I work during the day. I just want to move forward.
Its ironic because i ran into a girl that i met at smdep a few years back today. she's in her 3rd year in medical school. Isn't it funny how God will keep sending you those constant reminders. I am excited to be going back, and I'm going to start preparing this month. I've pulled out all my chemistry books and my ochem stuff from last year. I need to refresh. I'm taking this only science so that I can focus on it. I'm retaking the precal, I don't feel that I mastered it, Its been too long since I took it, and since I am a chem major and not bio, I will have to take calculus, theres no way around it.
The kids are doing great. the oldest is at a prestigious catholic middle school this year, his younger brothers go to the school that I teach at. So that way I can be closer to them. Next year, my second oldest and third oldest will also be moving to a different private school. I'm actually my 2nd graders teacher for reading. I love that because I'm the one who goofed and put him up a grade, back in Kindergarten. that wasn't a good idea because he missed critical reading stuff. I think God did that on purpose so that I can go back and correct my own mistake. I tried to have them keep him back, but he was ahead of the 1st graders and was doing well in the 2nd grade. there were worst kids then him, so, now you can see why I'm such an amazing teacher, especially at reading. Its because I believe in education yes, but also because I want my kid to get the best reading education possible.
The time that I've been able to spend with my kids has been amazing. I think they are a little tired of me. The funny thing is that I'm not home more than when i was premed. I am the drill team director, and the kids sports, and church, all together, we leave at 6am and most days we don't get home until 7 or 8pm. I think God is building endurance. For all the excuses I used to make about being premed, I won't be able to spend time with the kids .....that's an excuse....I spend time, just in different ways or spurts. I'm just one of those people who loves to stay busy. I have to be busy or else I'm bored. I'm very hands on, and I like to work on lots of different projects at at time--making sure that each project is done with perfection.
This is a great life lesson for my kids, and for people I don't even know.God will not give up on you, even when you've given up on yourself. If you were born to do something great, like medicine, then you will. On my journey, I've taken lots of turns and detours, but I know that everything is for a reason. I know that God will do what he said he would do--for me, that is complete college, complete medical school--open a practice in New Orleans. Through all of this my kids will see that God is faithful, they will learn endurance and perseverance. they will learn determination and gain a will to succeed.