I'm a 22y/o BSN nurse who always wanted to go to med school but was afraid I wasn't smart enough/good enough, so I did nursing. I like nursing, but I want more. I feel like I don't get to use my brain enough. I'm married to a great guy who says he's willing to go through all of this with me, although I don't quite know if he know's what he's getting himself into. But he's survived nursing school with me, and told me once re: med school, "You didn't think you could do nursing, and you did that very well, and you didn't think you could do x, but you did that, so you can do med school". We both know that we can't wait 10+years to have kids, (since I still have pre-reqs to do) so we're going to start trying next year. Hopefully having one (or two) before school won't be a bad idea. I hope to get into my home school, where I did undergrad and where I'll do pre-reqs, but we're OK with the idea of moving a few hours away. Luckily we live in an area pretty densely packed with med schools in a 300 mile radius. But I'm hoping we can stay here so we can have help from our families!
I am young. I know that. But I feel old. I'm almost 23, but I've been a nurse for a year and a half, and I have all this responsibility at work (I'm a charge nurse), and I have been married for a year and lived with my husband for 3, pay all of our bills, etc., is it so bad to want a baby? Heart says no, wants little shoes and little hats and little cries. Head says my God, you're only 22!
This, I guess, is my justification post.
Disclaimer:I've had alot of experience with kids-I've been an aunt since the age of 3, did alot of unpaid babysitting for neices and nephews, worked in a daycare, worked in a PICU. So it's not like I'm one of those youngun's who doesn't know what she's in for. Plus my husbands cousins just had beautiful babies, so maybe that's got these feelings flowing.
I'm on a roll! 3 posts in like, 10 minutes. This is my last one for now. I'm currently in doubt mode. As in, doubting why in the heck I quit my DNP program, why I would want to jeopardize my marriage and future children for this dream of being a doctor. Sometimes I think it is a selfish aspiration. Then I think about the frustration I feel as a nurse, when I don't really get to use my brain as much as I want. (Don't get me wrong, you have to be very smart to be a good nurse. But I just feel like knowing all that I know from nursing school does very little for me on the floor- I still have to call the doctor for everything. Perhaps I can articulate the way I feel better at another time when I'm not in doubt mode). I feel like I'd always be frustrated as an NP with the limits I'd have. And I think I'd always regret not giving it a shot. But then we go back to the thinking that it would be selfish. Yes, I read The Feminine Mystique and Sexual Politics, and cognitively I know that it's not selfish to pursue your passions and dreams, and I also think that as women we shouldn't hold ourselves back. But emotionally, when I get this way, I just don't know. It's like I argue this point about how society affects our view of things so much, but I still can't help being a victim of the societal dictate that women should go for careers that are less demanding.
No more doubts for now. I am soo happy to be going to med school. It's like, every time I think, in two years, I'll be studying 24/7 I about pee my pants in excitement. Yah, that's the kind of dork I am. I'm a little worried about how in God's name I'm going to pay for my pre-reqs, but hey, what's a little more debt? I'm going to be in med school! Yippee!
I'm back with a new name. Can't for the life of me figure out how to log in to my old account, so I just made a new one. To update, I'm now 23 and 7.5 months pregnant. Doubting myself again. I loved my Bio class and got an easy A while working 60 hours/week and being nauseated all the time (first trimester). I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I'm not taking classes this semester because we couldn't afford it. I'm still paying for the last semester!
I'm happy to be having a little boy. I am also very bored with my work and lack of doing anything constructive. I'm kind of burnt out reading about baby care, etc., and all the do's and don't's are making me crazy, so I'm taking a sabbatical. Work is more physically demanding than mentally stimulating, and if I get right down to the truth, I need mental challenges, need to feel that I am using my intelligence. I think this is more of an "I greatly dislike nursing" post than a pre-med post.
What I think I am going to do is just continue taking pre-reqs and even if I don't end up in med school, I believe that no aquisition of knowledge is ever wasted.